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Une réflexion de Valuetainment sur « porn addiction »

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La vidéo d’une durée de 00:36:22 secondes, intitulée Understanding Porn Addiction & How to Escape it, créée par [vid_author_name], est accompagnée de la description suivante :« Patrick Bet-David a un assis virtuel avec l’ancien toxicomane porno Eli Nash. Dans cette interview, ils parlent de la dépendance au porno et de la façon de le surmonter. Connectez-vous avec Eli Nash sur les réseaux sociaux ici: https://bit.ly/2ozn45j Videos recommandées – Comment Dopamine vous rend accro à la porno, la politique, le sexe et les drogues: https://youtu.be/pi8saupcvke liens mentionnés dans la vidéo: Clovenant Eyes: https:/bit.ly/3sb4Uiw Out of Shadows: https://amzn.to/3u1ldm9 Fight the New Drug: https://bit.ly/31hgmkp Regardez le TEDX Talk ici: https://bit.ly/3lsgco9 sur l’invité: Eli Nash a partagé ses hardhips sur la scène TEDX dans sa «addiction pornique à l’écapé». Et maintenant, il raconte son histoire à nos auditeurs. Ce qui a commencé comme un appel aux catalogues de vêtements pour femmes à un jeune âge s’est rapidement transformé en appétit pour le porno Internet, conduisant à une dépendance à la pornographie qui le suivrait bien à l’âge adulte. Ce n’est que lorsque les choses sont allées trop loin en réalité qu’Eli a réalisé que le porno était plus qu’un fantasme: c’est, comme il le dit, la chose même qui l’a poussé à être infidèle à sa femme maintenant. Ne voulant plus jamais la blesser, Eli a maintenant juré de faire la priorité de sa vie de ne plus jamais revoir le porno. Écoutez Eli alors qu’il partage son histoire avec l’animatrice de podcast Garrett Jonsson, décrivant comment il a décidé de se présenter avec la vérité sur sa dépendance et ses abus sexuels de la petite enfance qui pourraient y avoir joué un rôle. Abonnez-vous pour plus de valorisation http://bit.ly/2apewd4 sur Patrick Bet-David: PDG, auteur et fondateur de Valuetainment Media. Patrick a interviewé des athlètes, des individus notoires, des politiciens, des auteurs et des entrepreneurs de tous horizons. Sélection de musique utilisée par un accord avec Epidemic Sound http://bit.ly/2b8dxk1 Suivez Patrick sur les réseaux sociaux: PBD Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickbetdavid/ pbd Twitter: https://twitter.com/patrickbetdavid pbd lindedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patrick-bet-david-3731553 Pour atteindre l’équipe de vallée ou envoyer une suggestion invitée, vous pouvez envoyer un courriel: info@valutainment.com (tagStotranslate) entrepreneur ».

YouTube donne accès à une multitude de vidéos sur une large gamme de sujets, favorisant un échange respectueux autour de contenus créatifs et divers. Chaque utilisateur peut explorer des thématiques variées et trouver des vidéos qui répondent à leurs intérêts tout en restant fidèle aux règles de la plateforme.

Réinventer son image sans laisser place à la pornographie

Des relations solides favorisent un environnement positif

Construire une relation intime et saine permet de vivre des expériences sexuelles et émotionnelles plus équilibrées

Construire des routines saines et responsables dans sa vie

Pratiquer la méditation ou le yoga renforce la synergie entre le corps et l’esprit, ce qui aide à maîtriser les désirs compulsifs

Adopter une approche éthique de la sexualité

Une sexualité éthique repose sur l’égalité, le consentement et la responsabilité, pour une vie intime épanouie Se défaire de la pornographie demande un travail de conscience, des outils spécifiques et un soutien constant. En suivant une approche structurée, il est possible de surmonter cette dépendance et de se reconnecter à une sexualité plus saine et respectueuse. Rechercher des solutions adaptées est essentiel pour sortir du cycle de dépendance (à ce sujet voir ce service pour la pratique de la chasteté).

Identifier les facteurs de l’addiction au porno

Évaluer comment le porno altère la productivité et l’équilibre personnel

L’addiction peut perturber les relations intimes, altérer l’estime personnelle et limiter la capacité à établir des liens authentiques. Le recours excessif au porno peut générer une dépendance où le désir est exclusivement orienté vers ces contenus

Décoder les mécanismes cérébraux et affectifs

Le processus addictif lié à la pornographie repose sur une suractivation des mécanismes cérébraux de récompense, accentuant les habitudes compulsives et le sentiment de mal-être.

Examiner les manifestations de dépendance

La dépendance à la pornographie, marquée par une consommation répétitive, engendre fréquemment des conflits personnels et des difficultés au quotidien.

Consulter les ressources d’accompagnement disponibles

Exploiter des applications et outils numériques pour suivre sa progression

Certaines applications et outils numériques aident à suivre les progrès, en envoyant des rappels motivants et en favorisant l’adoption d’habitudes positives pour réduire l’exposition à des contenus pornographiques.

Participer à des rencontres de soutien collectif

Les groupes de soutien permettent aux individus de se confier, de découvrir des stratégies de rétablissement efficaces et de s’entraider dans leur processus de guérison.

Rencontrer un professionnel de la santé mentale

Se tourner vers un thérapeute expert en dépendances comportementales, comme un psychologue utilisant la TCC, permet de repérer les causes sous-jacentes et de bénéficier d’un accompagnement sur mesure.

Structurer une approche efficace pour gérer le processus de sevrage

Mettre en œuvre des approches pour gérer les envies

Éviter les déclencheurs passe par la reconnaissance et l’adaptation. La TCC, l’engagement dans des activités saines et un réseau d’appui sont des solutions efficaces pour rompre les habitudes.

Fixer des intentions claires et accessibles

Réduire l’impact de la dépendance commence par des objectifs précis, comme diminuer le temps passé à regarder des contenus pornographiques. Le processus de sevrage nécessite aussi une introspection sur les motivations et les bénéfices futurs.

Élaborer un environnement qui facilite le repos

Limiter l’accès aux contenus pornographiques avec des outils tels que des extensions de navigateur ou des applications de contrôle parental est une approche utile. Promouvoir des activités créatives et productives peut aussi être un moyen de réduire les compulsions.

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Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: when i talk about why i got trapped in it is it’s ridiculously accessible internet pornography is just everything on steroids what kept me in it was the shame when i talk about porn addiction i’m talking about not wanting to watch porn promising myself that i’ll never watch porn again and then feeling un is uncontrollable urge to go back and i do it consumed my life so it started taking up more and more time more and more energy and then me pushing the boundaries going from pixels to people but when i peeled back the onion and i said what am i going to porn for i’m going to hit on girls less i’m going to approach them less i’m going to interact with them less if you’re married and you’re watching too much porn it creates a distance between you and your wife if you want xanax you have to go to get it from somebody for a couple dollars a pop but if you want to you know porn you’re you’re two seconds away from having it the dealer sitting right in front of you at any time it’s magnified for kids we do so much to protect kids from alcohol from everything under the sun and then what do they have to do they have to check mark that they’re 18. porn addiction it’s a real issue matter of fact 40 million adults in the u.s visit internet porn sites on a regular basis one in five every internet search on mobile devices or pornography men who are happily married are 61 less likely to look at porn 20 of men admit to viewing pornography at work and 88 of porn scenes contained physical aggression 49 contained verbal aggression my guest today is an entrepreneur ceo running a successful business and one day he decides to go talk about his porn addiction and he doesn’t just do it on a small platform with five of his friends or maybe his relatives maybe his mom dad he decides to do it on this place called ted talks he gives a speech nearly three million people find out about his addiction and that led to a lot of different dialogue so with that being said ellie nash thank you so much for being a guest on valuetainment thank you patrick thanks for having me big fan of your work i appreciate that i’m glad to have you on because uh i think it’s fair to say this is an issue that comes up uh amongst men all the time but they’re embarrassed to talk about it and i get a lot of random calls on how to handle this so you know prior to getting into it you know one just basic question for you so when you want to give the talk you’ve got millions of views you’re on a successful business in miami what were some of the you know commentary you got from people that are close to you family friends co-workers kids that knew you in high school in new york i mean jewish community what were some of the reaction got from people that you know the people closest to me reacted reacted pretty well for the most part right some of my family i’m not sure what they think they’ve said nice things to me i’m not sure what they’re saying about it behind my back in business i’ve had sometimes mixed reactions so i i was once trying to get uh do business with a big client i won’t name them in here you got a big audience and i had a few good calls and then the line went dead so i followed up with someone the person who put me in touch i said hey can you try to figure out what have what happened with this uh with this guy because i had some good calls with him and what had happened is the company looked me up and saw something about porn and said hey i don’t know if we want to do business with him i’m not sure what the deal is with the whole porn addiction thing but i’ll give you another story that happened a couple of weeks ago this guy do business with for 10 years one of my more important relationships and we’re at dinner he has a little bit of wine in him and he says elias want to let you know it’s such an honor to do business with you from all the people i do business with it’s a real honor to do business with you so i said you know why do you say that you know i appreciate it but why do you say he’s like what you’ve done on that porn thing he’s like and a lot of people struggle it struggle with it including me he’s like that’s just it’s so cool that you uh put that out there like that and i didn’t expect it i didn’t expect it from him so i’ve gotten mixed responses but i would say between the two it’s much more important to me that someone that that does business with me values it than someone who’s never met me now ellie i think it’s important for people to realize you know you you start a company uh called mike drop with you and rush lowe right i don’t know if i’m pronouncing his rain right i hope i’m pronouncing that right can you kind of give us the optics give us some perspective of how big the business was and your level of success was when you decided to go public with this how successful were you guys at the time so mike drop is a second business that i started more recently somewhat of a passion project there’s a business that i started in 2006 with this which is a distribution business that’s correct yeah okay that’s a distribution business and we’ve been doing it since 06 like i said at the time of the ted talk we probably had about 80 employees um doing north of 100 million in business a year and mike drop was something that i had done because get this patrick i had a painful fear of public speaking get out of here really painful fear of public speaking and the guy who helped me get over it was rash low rash low is a local was a local news reporter for channel 7 local to miami so he helps me to to speak a different talk i gave on child sex abuse sharing my story within the community and then i tell raj hey i want to start this as a business i saw the impact it had on me and on a lot of people that i introduced it to i found it as one of the best teamwork things i’ve ever done in my company is to have him come in and train people to tell their story and get over that fear of public speaking so that’s how that business started pretty powerful and the reason why i want the audience to know that is because you’re not just like somebody hey let me go out there and you talk about 80 employees a hundred million dollars a year that’s not like a that’s a you know it’s very hard to run a hundred million dollar your company most people get to a million ten million five million a hundred million dollar your company and you say i want to get out so walk me through what happened when you went up to your partner and said hey i’m thinking about doing this what was his initial reaction to you so so here’s what happens um i i approach him about starting a business helping people tell a story i say why don’t you leave channel seven do this full time it’s amazing i saw the way it changed my life i feel like i have a voice it was something i brought to my employees as well i said let’s let’s turn this into a company so after he started his business he goes into he starts doing a few different projects and i say hey let’s do it again by us so the first time we did it was 2016 while he was still at the newspaper and i s this the business we started i believe was 2019 or end of 2018 i said let’s bring it back and let’s do it again in our company and one of his secrets i guess that he offers is the ceo should always speak as well don’t just have the company do the talk also have the ceo talk so he asks me what do you want to talk about and i say i know exactly what i’m talking about i’m talking about porn addiction and you should have seen his face [Laughter] the reason why this was a big deal we have to frame this correctly patrick this guy is a guy who encourages people to share their story that’s who he is his job is training people to tell their story so he’s trained people and as a news reporter he’s trying to get the story and when i tell him that i want to share my story on porn addiction the story guy the story guy tells me you can’t do something yeah that’s why it was such a big deal and that’s what clicked for me i said if i can’t tell the story to him him of all people is telling me i can’t say the story i got to do it from the biggest stage and that’s when i decided i’m doing a ted talk on point addiction so so now that was done ted talks went live with your porn addiction video june 24 2019 i’m assuming that’s not the day you gave the talk it’s probably a month prior to that or two months prior to that and it’s at two months prior to that okay so 2.683 million what has women’s reaction been to this you know let’s men is a different story hey bro i’m so glad i’ve been struggling with them myself as well or you know and maybe they don’t even want to talk about it they’re uncomfortable but what have women in your life said about your uh you opening up regarding escaping porn addiction so the two most important women in my life my wife and my mom have been extremely supportive of it very very very supportive my wife in general takes it as a um a huge plus she says i trust my husband more than uh because you know i’ll be honest i spoke about porn addiction there but here we’re having a conversation and i went from pixels to people right it got porn addiction became a problem for me that was beyond that was beyond porn itself and uh being a recovered sex addict so to speak a recovered porn addict my wife takes that as a source of pride as far as she’s concerned and that’s one of the things that gave me the pride to to speak up about it and my mom as well she just thinks it’s awesome that i’ve uh that i’m willing to talk about it she understands that i’m doing it to to help others i you know i was i wish i heard it from someone else about porn addiction while i was stuck in it and that’s why i talk so that someone else i know i know the pain of of porn addiction and that’s i speak to those people i speak to what i needed to to hear women outside of that i don’t know i’m not talking to i’m i’m a married man man good answer well i get i get messages every once in a while on instagram from women who are addicted to porn not a ton but i do and i just wonder you know when we talk about the scale with men like you’re reading the statistics at the beginning it’s almost every man but let’s say with women it’s one in four women or one in five women that have that watch pornography a lot it could also be a big problem there i don’t know the scale of it on the woman’s side is what you’re saying you don’t know the scale of it yeah but i have received anecdotally i’ve received messages from women who say hey i’m addicted to porn and it’s really hard for me to say anything about it so yeah the fact that you said there’s only two women you know the most important women in your life your wife and your mom uh if you’re a sex addict it’s good to be a sex addict while you’re married because you’re addicted to having sex with your wife so i’m sure that benefits your spouse which is a very good thing your wife is lucky to be married to a sex addict that’s a good place to be now for men okay i run a sales organization i was in the military in the army you know i had a sergeant in the corner who was the king everybody looked at this guy they admired him they just admired the hell out of this guy and i’m an 18 year old kid i’ve been there for a little long now obviously you know as a kid my mom caught me under the mattress with my best high quality porn addiction from hustle magazine whatever i had had the nice stash high quality and hidden in the right places she found it one day and uh you know she was uh she was shocked by it i said what what would you like me to have you want me to have naked pictures of what here you know girls man you know animals what would you like me to do here i’m i like women so we had a different reaction but there was the judgment you always kind of feel like there’s a level of judgment now i go in the military the guy in the corner if i the mountains of porn vhs tapes he had was incredible and everybody would always go to a street and i wonder why is everybody going there and we found out today we’re going to look at this today we’re going to look at that fast forward to me running a business i cannot tell you how many times i’ve walked into one of my sales guys and they’re sitting there and all i hear is oh you know the sound in the background and they’re like trying to close the window like bro what are you doing bro we got clients here a few months ago a very funny experience happened because one of my employees uh i said hey you know where we at with this image that we got to put up for the thumbnail he says here let me show you the thumbnail i have it right here he takes his phone out proudly shows me the phone as he’s going through it he forgot to close the window of his porn the penetration’s taking place he was so embarrassed he couldn’t talk to me for a couple weeks good news is he’s still an employee of ours he hasn’t been fired for appointment he what what is it with men being addicted to porn and why is it that it’s such a bad thing for men to be addicted to porn as i always speak from personal experience i can’t speak for forever that’s that’s what i’m bringing here i mean you can always have a psychologist who comes as well or a scientist i come from personal experience so first of all i want to say i’m not an anti-porn advocate there are many anti-porn advocates if it’s working for someone god bless them it didn’t work for me i’m coming from that perspective it’s it may not work for anyone it may work for everyone but me it’s not my business but when i talk about why i got trapped in it is a it’s ridiculously accessible ridiculously accessible but the second and also i mean there’s some you know we like women and i like women and that’s all you see the pictures and it’s there’s a there’s a lot there and they get better and better at it right when you talk about the magazine um it’s it’s not the same problem there’s an organization called fight the new drug and pornography which combats pornography or gives information about pornography and they consider it a new drug even though pornography is as old as time itself because internet pornography is just everything on steroids like when you’re done with that hustle magazine or whatever it is you were looking at to get another one you got to go i don’t know how old you were at the time but you got to work to get that next magazine especially if you’re under 18 as a teenager i mean it’s just right there at your fingertips more and more and more and more so the variety and the accessibility and for me uh what kept me in it was the shame and when i talk about porn addiction i’m talking about not wanting to watch porn promising myself that i’ll never watch porn again and then feeling un is uncontrollable urge to go back and i do so and i what the difference for me and what kept me in there what changed what’s the real variable that changed is shame is talking about it so i was in therapy for five years talking about other stuff and intense things i was sexually abused as a child and that was a lot of the work i was doing in therapy and i lied to him about the fact that i was watching pornography for five years so what does that tell you about the average guy who’s struggling with porn we may be comfortable watching it and talking about it but if we’re trapped in it can we turn to someone and ask for help and that’s what that’s what it took for me to get out of it and that’s one of the main reasons i speak so that if someone else is having a hard time saying no shame there’s a lot of us who’ve been there and there’s a way out and the way out is through combating the shame so so what what but if you go a little deeper i mean i’m on the website that says the 12-step program to get uh uh you know stop watching porn and you know i’m on the website as well they just talked about fight the new drug um this is something where i get uh a lot of calls uh of myself as a guy that runs a company with twenty thousand agents i get a call from wife sometimes saying hey can you every once in a while talk to the man about porn addiction i don’t want you to bring up the name but you know i’ve caught my husband watching porn a lot and et cetera so a lot of these things come from the women’s side as well on you know i i don’t want my husband to watch porn because he can’t stop watching porn right but to go kind of a little bit deeper what is the challenge like what is the problem of watching porn i can speak from the experience from my behalf and what i’ve read on it myself when i’m studying what the challenges of this is for both were single man and married man but for you what was the challenge of watching too much more like what kind of negative effects did it have on you it consumed my life so it started taking up more and more time more and more energy and then me pushing the boundaries like i mentioned going from pixels to people but when i peeled back the onion and i said what am i going to porn for right which this is a that’s really the question someone has to ask them for i’ll give i’ll give you a great story so i get a call from a kid who finds me on facebook and he’s struggling a lot because he’s 21 22 years old and he’s tried and failed uh to stop porn multiple times different promises different uh filters on his computer everything he sees my talk he reaches out to me said dude i’ve tried everything and failed uh maybe you can maybe you can have a call with me so i said sure i get on the phone with him and the first question i ask him is why do you watch so much porn and he says to me because i’m a guy so i said so you’re telling me that the reason you’re going to porn every single time the reason you’re going to porn is strictly for a physical sexual need that’s what you’re looking to get from it and he said yeah i think so i said okay obviously i didn’t believe that to be the case because that wasn’t the case with me and this is i think the kicker right so as we continue the conversation i said hey just tell me when it got the worst when did when did your porn use get so bad that you said i’m done or tell me what’s going on now that you decided to message me on facebook because that’s not easy to do to reach out to someone and have this conversation so he says oh i finished school i think he was in college i came back home i’m back in my parents house my one of my siblings was dealing with an illness i think it’s very stressful and i’m watching porn so i said okay this situation turns you on is what do you mean i said well you told me the reason you watch porn is because it’s like just a guy because you know just a guy doing his thing it’s sexual and he understood from that question that my he understood my point from that question that the reason he was watching pornography was because he found himself in a stressful situation and he was using pornography or abusing pornography to meet some emotional need and that’s where it gets wildly destructive did i answer your question yeah i guess i guess what i’m trying to find out is what is the negative impact so okay i have some stats here for teenagers right nine out of ten boys are exposed to pornography before the age of 18. i’m surprised it’s nine out of ten i figured be a hundred percent of kids right that are exposed to pornography six out of ten girls are exposed to pornography for 18. okay on average a male’s first experience to pornography is at 12 years old okay 71 of teens have done something to hide what they do online from their parents i believe that teenage boys 12 to 17 have the highest risk of developing a porn addiction right okay then the next one says uh i have hears from uh wives my husband is addicted to porn pornography addiction does not only affect the addict and it can also negatively impact the well-being of the individual’s wife or girlfriend addiction can cause the following feelings within the wife of a porn addict rejection betrayal depression abandonment isolation uh loneliness humiliation anger right so did you like my my way of studying a topic if i’m struggling with something in my life i’m trying to raise money i have no clue what the different controls are before i go and raise this you know next money i got to find out what control so i go read everything and anything i can find on the topic if i’m struggling with parenting a girl versus a boy i want to go read everything i can on that topic when you were going to the rabbit hole did you yourself go out there and do a ton of due diligence to see the effects of porn can have on men on singles on married or was it just like look i’m struggling with this i met with my therapist and then i just wanted to talk about it did you do a lot of research and due diligence so the research for me came to addiction and that’s where i spent a lot of time and i i looked at this very quickly as an addiction as soon as i read it i read a great book by patrick harness called out of the shadows and patrick harness talks about sex addiction he’s actually one who coined the term sex addiction not coined the term but he was the first therapist they call him like the father of sex addiction recovery where he was the first therapist to really talk out talk about the possibility of someone being able to be addicted to sex some don’t believe there could be an addiction so as soon as i read that book and i saw the parallels in my life with what he was talking about that became my obsession my beca my obsession became recovery from addiction versus how destructive pornography is for anyone else got it listen for me it’s that my motivation and in terms of girls i mean what’s the likelihood that i’m gonna hit on girls less i’m going to approach them less i’m going to interact with them less all of those things is going to um in a real human way right because i have something easily available to me that met my need in some way so it i can i can talk for hours about the way it affected my life i think some of these questions that you’re asking about how large of a problem it is and how how much it affects people someone else is probably better suited to answer to answer those questions i only ask it because if i speak on a top like let’s just say everywhere i go i get pulled over for different topics if i’m a valet guy pull up valega will get out and say he’s italian he’ll say man i got to tell you out of all the interviews of mobsters which one do you like the most is it samuel bulgarvan or is it frank colada is it oscar goodman so it starts a conversation then i get hit up from emails from people from sicily from people from all over the world you should interview this russian mobster you should interview this albanian mobster and then i’ll go into bodybuilding and a bunch of people from bodybuilding come to me i just wonder if you talk about a topic this sensitive as porn addiction did a lot of doctors psychologists therapists come up to you send you research to say here’s the challenges and the reason why i ask this question is because i think this is as big of a deal as you think it is but i think the impact on this is very massive for uh for the community for somebody like yourself who’s already made an influence you got three million people on this topic i watch pamela anderson talk about porn and it was one of the most fascinating interviews i saw with pamela anderson so you know when you think about pamela what do you think about you think about baywatch you think about who’s the guy she was with what’s the guy’s name she was with um i’m thinking oh well i don’t know what his name is you know what i’m talking about the good looking guy what’s his name tommy lee what’s his name tommy lee so a they’re together and their video came out and it was so public and all this other stuff so and then she had a son and then she talked about in an interview where look you know when you’re going out there meeting men and you’re having sex says it’s starting to get annoying because men think they have to have sex with you the way men have sex with women and porn because they that’s where they get their education from so a lot of times that becomes a form of education where single men are thinking hey that’s what i need to do to go please xyz number two is you know when if you’re married and you’re watching too much porn it creates a distance between you and your wife almost because you know it’s kind of like man you know there’s no way in the world you can meet this expectation of what i sign here so anything below that is you know just not going to turn me on the way xyz turned me on in this movie that i watch or in this series that i watch i was just curious to know if you haven’t elaborated on that please elaborate on that point of what’s turning someone on because one of one of the things that impacted me towards the end i i committed in uh march of 2013 that’s when i committed to stop watching porn and it’s been about four and a half years since i’ve seen anything so it took a few years zero zero you haven’t watched any for four and a half years i haven’t intentionally went to watch porn in four and a half years yeah it’s sometimes hard not to bump into things like you mentioned right your employee opens a phone in front of you so if you had a streak going then that wouldn’t work so i’m specific about what i mean i haven’t intentionally gone to to look at porn but i saw an interview with the porn star a couple months before my decision to stop and she spoke about walking in on her boyfriend watching pornography and right so she said her whole view of pornography changed in that in style right because until then she’s like okay i’m hotter than these other girls that’s the reason why everyone’s watching me and uh you know makes sense right i’m the hottest they’re less hot so watch me have sex and here is a guy here’s a man the one man who i want to have sex with and he’s watching pornography of other people and that’s when he that’s when she realized for herself that porn kind of operates on a little bit of a different track than the regular sex drive in the sense that it’s not just i’m more attracted to this so i want so i want the one that’s most attractive there’s something about the variety there’s something about the um it being as a not a human being it being in an inanimate there’s something about being able to watch anything that we are thinking about that day right etc etc that uh pushes us in that direction or pulls us in that direction and she said after that she was done with porn she realized that yeah what she’s doing isn’t helping people it’s not you know it’s i don’t know some some people say you know i watch porn with my wife to kind of get myself to get the engines revved and over there she said hey this is something else going on because if it was just about that he’d be sleeping with me and in the in instead other people are watching me are watching me have sex and the person who could is watching someone else have sex something not good is going on here it’s great perspective from somebody who’s in that field you walk in onto your man watching porn of another girl while you’re you’re a porn star and you’re watching a very very uh interesting perspective i’d be curious to know what the what her name is i’d love to interview her myself to see what she can bring to the table so look let’s talk about this part i think the one part with this is it’s such a sensitive topic that you know sometimes when people talk about this topic it almost comes across as uh uh uh i can’t believe you do such a thing and i can’t believe you know it’s kind of like looking down at people who have watched it and then there’s also another group where it’s where it’s what’s the big deal you know just it’s not a big deal just drop it versus not realizing that you know just like a guy is addicted to xanax or vicodin or cocaine or pot or you know heroin whatever maybe it’s a similar challenge and thing to get rid of the difference is if you want xanax you have to go to get it from somebody for a couple dollars a pop if you want coke nose candy you got to go find somebody to buy from but if you want to you know porn you’re you’re two seconds away from having it the dealer sitting right in front of you at any time so especially for kids yeah right i mean that’s it’s magnified for kids we do so much to protect kids from alcohol from everything under the sun and then what do they have to do they have to check mark that they’re 18. yeah and and uh uh it’s just a crazy question for you did your parents talk to you about sex early on or no no they didn’t talk about sex early on okay got it uh uh neither did mine i mean my mother would ask me in germany have you taken science yet i said why do you keep asking me if i’ve taken science here like what are you asking me about why i’ve taken signs yet walk me through someone’s watching this okay right after they watch this interview they clear history because they don’t want to see that they’re watching an interview like this about porn because they don’t want anybody to know that they’re watching you know a video with history something tells me this interview the percentage of people watching the entire interview is going to be higher than usual because they want to see exactly what things are going to be said because i know a lot of people struggle with this what is the process i have it in front of me but i’m curious what process you took what was your process to go through drop in porn where for four and a half years you haven’t intentionally watched any porn what was the process you took that work for you three components of the process there was therapy well first before i go into that it was whatever it takes right it’s if someone asked you what you had to do in business the real answer is i was willing to do whatever it took and this is what it happened to take for me so i want to qualify that it was 100 whatever it took i it was the most important priority for me once i noticed how much it was affecting my life and the the way i found out is trying to stop doing doing it for a period of time and i got at one point the first time i tried to stop was 57 days i was feeling freaking amazing so many parts of my life getting better but on the other hand i was feeling amazing in the sense that my feelings started coming up right so like i started feeling better and some of those feelings were extremely uncomfortable feelings that were coming up so when i became better at feeling because some of the porn numbed so much of it so i started some of the trauma some of the pain some of the confusion some of that started coming up as well but in answer to your question there was therapy there was support groups and then a little bit of help from technology that was kind of the three-pronged approach that i took to stopping to watch porn can you tell me support groups and what technology yeah so technology they were at the time i used something like k9 browser and then the general stuff on on the iphone when i got an iphone i’m sure there are better stuff now i know there’s i’ve i’ve worked with covenant eyes covenant eyes i think is a really good one um covenant eyes uses a uh it’s kind of like a um a mentor relationship where i’ve been on the other side of that so i didn’t know this software when i was trying to stop but the the problem with using something like canine browser or some of the other stuff is that there are always ways around it whereas covenant eyes kind of screenshots at random times and it gives someone on the other end hey the guy didn’t use his phone for a long period of time or here are some snapshots versus you know for example i can be on instagram that’s not picked up by the browser but i’m watching stuff that may as well be porn something like covenant eyes will see that they’ll take pictures and then you’ll have a conversation with your accountability partner so imagine one of your employees came to you and said patrick i’m struggling watching porn will you be my accountability partner on covenant eyes and then it it’ll send you reports and have that conversation so there’s a lot of different technology out there i used k9 browser and the regular apple stuff just to limit it and the reason is this isn’t a fail-safe i don’t have anything today on my phones just to be clear what it does is it just gives you a space between stimulus and response and for me that i’ve sat down on my computer so many times i see the google screen and i’m already for years when i saw that google image that was a trigger for me so i needed something to block all google images even on my work computer for several years now that trigger has weakened so one was technology but again that’s just to put a small gap support groups i use the 12 steps i’m a big proponent of the 12 steps obviously there’s there’s an anonymous factor to the 12 steps because in the 12 steps no one wants to come and say um or not so much the 12 steps but the specific programs within the 12 steps so i won’t name the program that i’m a part of and the reason for the anonymous factor is you know let’s say next week i slip on porn or i’m found in a strip club or something else someone doesn’t say oh look it doesn’t work it does work but i don’t want to be the poster child there are no poster childs for you any of these programs and then therapy really deep dive in therapy and therapy means everything you can imagine plus you you know uh uh are you close to both your parents mom and dad yeah i am you’re you’re my mom you’re a very valued guy what did you pick up from your mom and what did you pick up from your dad because you seem like a very raised properly values and principal type of guy thanks i appreciate that uh both my pet you know we didn’t grow up with much uh both my parents decided to become more religious in their late 20s early 30s so they they brought us up with religion but in a way that was not um indoctrinated to them but chosen for them so i think that was a little bit different they both chose it was a very religious life a very acidic life i don’t live that way today but i saw that my dad was very involved in the community he helped out in pretty much anything he could we didn’t grow up with much money i was one of nine kids my dad was a government employee my mom was a part-time teacher but i saw them help people and i saw them uh i saw them do what they could to to be better people and be better people within the community within the community so well respect i mean it’s felt it’s it’s felt you you um i’m in a business of reading people it’s what i do for a living many times people think i’m like an entrepreneur or insurance or finance i’m in the business of reading people that’s what i get paid to do and i’ve been doing that for 20 years and i’m not on all the time but i’m can get a pretty good read for folks so so flip the question for you now on you know raising kids do you have any kids yet or no you have three kids yeah you have three kids are you trying to beat your parents record or no no but i have a two-year-old a one-year-old and a newborn so i’m we’re moving quickly that that then that means that you’re using your addiction in the right way you you’re using it with one family and you’re building your kids uh by the way patrick a lot of people who are porn addicts don’t have a lot of sex with their wives so i know that i know that yeah i know that it’s so funny i got a call very random call hey how many times do you and your wife have sex i said what do you think and you know it’s like well we only have sex once a month i’m like what we don’t have sex once a month why i don’t know it’s just once a month so and that’s not one person or two or three that’s many people who have asked that weird question and for whatever reason that question is being asked a lot in the last five years but here’s a question for you just out of curiosity we’re both parents you got three kids two one and one on the way i got three and one on the way a newborn that’s right i got a nine seven or four and one on the way okay what are you planning on like the approach you’re going to take with this with your kids have you thought about it have you sat there and said you know when my kids come up this age this is how i’m going to speak to them about this have you processed that at all i’ll tell i’ll tell you something that happened a few weeks ago but not necessarily not for my kids i’ve thought about it for my kids but i got a lot of nephews and nieces a few weeks ago i come downstairs with a t-shirt it’s a t-shirt from fight the new drug that says porn kills love and i don’t think about wearing around my kids because my kids don’t read yet but my nephew was over and my nephew was um two nephews one is ten one at nine and the nine year old says what’s porn when he sees my t-shirt that’s a good question by the way so at first i i turned kind of red i was like oh i avoid the wrong t-shirt i wait a little bit i ran upstairs i changed my shirt and then uh funny i actually left i went to a i said i have to think about it let me answer you another time and i actually went to a 12-step meeting after that and while i was sitting there i was thinking saying hey he saw the porn kills love and he asked about porn and i got a little bit ashamed but if you look at those stats that’s the average age that kids look at porn wow and that’s what i told this mom i said that you know yes i probably wore the wrong shirt right around kids but on the other hand i think that a conversation has to happen and that’s that that’s what i have that’s what i think about with my kids there’s nothing you can do technology-wise to stop your kids from watching porn yes you want to have blockers you want to have filters but what are you going to do when they’re at a friend’s house and you think you’re going to tell them they’re not going to have a phone then they’re going to feel like the kid that’s left out so the only the only thing we could do sort of you know if we want to take on the fight with the government and everything else with the porn industry there’s some people doing that but short of that if the industry looks like it does now and it’s as accessible then we got to be able to sit down and have conversations and they know they can they can talk to us well i can tell you there’s uh three types of audiences that are gonna watch this video this interview one is gonna say i don’t struggle with porn great then share this with somebody who you know that may struggle with porn then there’s gonna be an audience that’s gonna say yeah i i watch porn but i don’t consider myself an addict and i think you guys are crazy if you think it’s a big deal it’s just watching a movie it’s not a big deal and they don’t think they have a challenge no problem then there’s gonna be the third kind that’s gonna say you know what i may have a porn addiction i may have a challenge that i can’t stop consuming the content we are gonna put the link to everything ellie just shared with us whether it’s covenant eyes whether it’s the book he talked about out of shadows by patrick j carnes we’ll put that below as well and i’ll put the link below as well to fight the new drug for you to go do your own due diligence if this matters to you and if you uh want to get a hold of ellie as well we’ll put the link below for you to get a hold of ellie ellie thank you so much for your time this was very helpful appreciate it patrick have a good everybody thank you so much take care sensitive topic but millions deal with it and if you’re somebody that watched the entire interview i’d be curious to know what you took away from it maybe you comment anonymously maybe you comment proudly and say here’s where i’m at but definitely if you’re someone that relates to ellie we have a links below to everything he spoke about and if you want to watch another interview that has to do regarding porn addiction and dopamine by a doctor who does this professionally click over to watch the interview with daniel lieberman take care everybody bye-bye .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

0 when i talk about why i got trapped in
0 it is it&;s ridiculously accessible
0 internet pornography is just everything
0 on steroids what
0 kept me in it was the shame when i talk
0 about porn addiction i&;m talking about
0 not wanting to watch porn promising
0 myself that i&;ll never watch porn again
0 and then feeling un is uncontrollable
0 urge to go back and i do
0 it consumed my life so it started taking
0 up more and more time more and more
0 energy and then me pushing the
0 boundaries going from pixels to people
0 but when i peeled back the onion and i
0 said what am i going to porn for
0 i&;m going to hit on girls less i&;m going
0 to approach them less i&;m going to
0 interact with them less
0 if you&;re married and you&;re watching
0 too much porn it creates a distance
0 between you and your wife
0 if you want xanax you have to go to get
0 it from somebody for a couple dollars a
0 pop but if you want to
0 you know porn you&;re you&;re two seconds
0 away from having it the dealer sitting
0 right in front of you at any time it&;s
0 magnified for kids we do so much to
0 protect kids from alcohol from
0 everything under the sun and then what
0 do they have to do they have to check
0 mark that they&;re 18.
0 porn addiction it&;s a real issue matter
0 of fact 40 million adults in the u.s
0 visit
0 internet porn sites on a regular basis
0 one in five every internet search on
0 mobile devices or pornography
0 men who are happily married are 61 less
0 likely to look at porn
0 20 of men admit to viewing pornography
0 at work
0 and 88 of porn scenes contained physical
0 aggression
0 49 contained verbal aggression my guest
0 today
0 is an entrepreneur ceo running a
0 successful business and one day he
0 decides to go talk about his porn
0 addiction
0 and he doesn&;t just do it on a small
0 platform with five of his friends or
0 maybe his relatives maybe his mom dad
0 he decides to do it on this place called
0 ted talks
0 he gives a speech nearly three million
0 people find out
0 about his addiction and that led to a
0 lot of different dialogue so with that
0 being said
0 ellie nash thank you so much for being a
0 guest on valuetainment
0 thank you patrick thanks for having me
0 big fan of your work i appreciate that
0 i&;m glad to have you on because uh i
0 think it&;s fair to say
0 this is an issue that comes up uh
0 amongst
0 men all the time but they&;re embarrassed
0 to talk about it and i get a lot of
0 random calls
0 on how to handle this so you know prior
0 to getting into it you know one
0 just basic question for you so when you
0 want to give the talk you&;ve got
0 millions of views
0 you&;re on a successful business in miami
0 what were some of the
0 you know commentary you got from people
0 that are close to you family friends
0 co-workers
0 kids that knew you in high school in new
0 york i mean jewish community
0 what were some of the reaction got from
0 people that you know the people closest
0 to me
0 reacted reacted pretty well for the most
0 part right
0 some of my family i&;m not sure what they
0 think they&;ve said nice things to me i&;m
0 not sure what they&;re saying about it
0 behind my back
0 in business i&;ve had sometimes mixed
0 reactions so i
0 i was once trying to get uh do business
0 with a big client i won&;t name them in
0 here you got a big audience
0 and i had a few good calls and then the
0 line went dead
0 so i followed up with someone the person
0 who put me in touch i said hey can you
0 try to figure out what have
0 what happened with this uh with this guy
0 because i had some good calls with him
0 and what had happened is the company
0 looked me up and saw
0 something about porn and said hey i
0 don&;t know if we want to do business
0 with him i&;m not sure what the deal is
0 with the whole porn addiction thing but
0 i&;ll give you another
0 story that happened a couple of weeks
0 ago this guy do business with for
0 10 years one of my more important
0 relationships and we&;re at dinner he has
0 a
0 little bit of wine in him and he says
0 elias want to let you know it&;s such an
0 honor to do business with you from all
0 the people i do business with
0 it&;s a real honor to do business with
0 you so i said you know
0 why do you say that you know i
0 appreciate it but why do you say he&;s
0 like what you&;ve done on that porn thing
0 he&;s like and a lot of people struggle
0 it struggle with it including me
0 he&;s like that&;s just it&;s so cool that
0 you
0 uh put that out there like that and i
0 didn&;t expect it i didn&;t expect it from
0 him
0 so i&;ve gotten mixed responses but i
0 would say between the two
0 it&;s much more important to me that
0 someone that that does business with me
0 values it than someone who&;s
0 never met me now ellie i think it&;s
0 important for people to realize
0 you know you you start a company uh
0 called mike drop with you and
0 rush lowe right i don&;t know if i&;m
0 pronouncing his rain right i hope i&;m
0 pronouncing that right
0 can you kind of give us the optics give
0 us some perspective of how big the
0 business was
0 and your level of success was when you
0 decided to go public with this
0 how successful were you guys at the time
0 so mike drop is a second business that i
0 started more recently
0 somewhat of a passion project there&;s a
0 business that i started in 2006 with
0 this which is a distribution business
0 that&;s correct yeah okay that&;s a
0 distribution business and
0 we&;ve been doing it since 06 like i said
0 at the time of the ted talk we probably
0 had about
0 80 employees um doing north of 100
0 million in business a year
0 and mike drop was something that i had
0 done because
0 get this patrick i had a painful fear of
0 public speaking
0 get out of here really painful fear of
0 public speaking and the guy who helped
0 me get over it
0 was rash low rash low is a local
0 was a local news reporter for channel 7
0 local to miami
0 so he helps me to to speak a different
0 talk i gave on child sex abuse sharing
0 my story
0 within the community and then i tell raj
0 hey i want to
0 start this as a business i saw the
0 impact it had on me and on a lot of
0 people that i introduced it to
0 i found it as one of the best teamwork
0 things i&;ve ever done in my company is
0 to have him come in
0 and train people to tell their story and
0 get over that fear of public speaking
0 so that&;s how that business started
0 pretty powerful and the reason why i
0 want the audience to know that is
0 because you&;re not just like somebody
0 hey let me go out there and
0 you talk about 80 employees a hundred
0 million dollars a year that&;s not like a
0 that&;s a
0 you know it&;s very hard to run a hundred
0 million dollar your company most people
0 get to a million ten million five
0 million a hundred million dollar your
0 company
0 and you say i want to get out so walk me
0 through what happened when you went up
0 to your partner and said hey i&;m
0 thinking about doing this what was his
0 initial reaction to you
0 so so here&;s what happens um i i
0 approach him
0 about starting a business helping people
0 tell a story i say why don&;t you leave
0 channel seven do this full
0 time it&;s amazing i saw the way it
0 changed my life i feel like i have a
0 voice
0 it was something i brought to my
0 employees as well i said let&;s let&;s
0 turn this into a company
0 so after he started his business he goes
0 into he starts doing a few different
0 projects and i say hey let&;s do it again
0 by us so the first time we did it was
0 2016
0 while he was still at the newspaper and
0 i s this the business we started i
0 believe was 2019 or end of 2018
0 i said let&;s bring it back and let&;s do
0 it again in our company
0 and one of his secrets i guess that he
0 offers is the ceo should always speak as
0 well
0 don&;t just have the company do the talk
0 also have the ceo talk
0 so he asks me what do you want to talk
0 about and i say i know exactly what i&;m
0 talking about
0 i&;m talking about porn addiction and you
0 should have seen his face
0 [Laughter]
0 the reason why this was a big deal we
0 have to frame this correctly patrick
0 this guy is a guy who encourages people
0 to share their story that&;s who he is
0 his job is training people to tell their
0 story so he&;s trained people
0 and as a news reporter he&;s trying to
0 get the story
0 and when i tell him that i want to share
0 my story on porn addiction
0 the story guy the story guy tells me you
0 can&;t do something
0 yeah that&;s why it was such a big deal
0 and that&;s what clicked for me i said if
0 i can&;t tell the story to him
0 him of all people is telling me i can&;t
0 say the story
0 i got to do it from the biggest stage
0 and that&;s when i decided i&;m doing a
0 ted talk on point addiction
0 so so now that was done ted talks went
0 live with your porn addiction video
0 june 24 2019 i&;m assuming that&;s not the
0 day you gave the talk it&;s probably a
0 month prior to that or two months prior
0 to that
0 and it&;s at two months prior to that
0 okay so 2.683 million
0 what has women&;s reaction been to this
0 you know let&;s
0 men is a different story hey bro i&;m so
0 glad i&;ve been struggling with them
0 myself as well
0 or you know and maybe they don&;t even
0 want to talk about it they&;re
0 uncomfortable
0 but what have women in your life said
0 about
0 your uh you opening up regarding
0 escaping porn addiction
0 so the two most important women in my
0 life my wife and my mom have been
0 extremely supportive
0 of it very very very supportive my wife
0 in general
0 takes it as a um a huge plus
0 she says i trust my husband more than uh
0 because you know i&;ll be honest i spoke
0 about porn addiction there but
0 here we&;re having a conversation and i
0 went from pixels to people right it got
0 porn addiction became a problem for me
0 that was beyond that
0 was beyond porn itself and uh
0 being a recovered sex addict so to speak
0 a recovered porn addict
0 my wife takes that as a source of pride
0 as far as she&;s concerned and that&;s one
0 of the things that gave me the pride to
0 to speak up about it and my mom as well
0 she just thinks it&;s awesome that i&;ve
0 uh
0 that i&;m willing to talk about it she
0 understands that i&;m doing it to
0 to help others i you know i was i wish i
0 heard it from someone else
0 about porn addiction while i was stuck
0 in it and that&;s why i talk
0 so that someone else i know i know the
0 pain of of porn addiction and that&;s i
0 speak to those people
0 i speak to what i needed to to hear
0 women outside of that
0 i don&;t know i&;m not talking to i&;m i&;m
0 a married man man
0 good answer well i get i get messages
0 every once in a while on instagram
0 from women who are addicted to porn not
0 a ton but i do
0 and i just wonder you know when we talk
0 about the scale with men like you&;re
0 reading the statistics at the beginning
0 it&;s almost every man but let&;s say with
0 women it&;s one in four women or one in
0 five women that have
0 that watch pornography a lot it could
0 also be a big problem
0 there i don&;t know the scale of it on
0 the woman&;s side is what you&;re saying
0 you don&;t know the scale of it yeah
0 but i have received anecdotally i&;ve
0 received messages from women who say hey
0 i&;m addicted to porn and it&;s really
0 hard for me to say anything about it
0 so yeah the fact that you said there&;s
0 only two women you know the most
0 important women in your life your wife
0 and your mom
0 uh if you&;re a sex addict it&;s good to
0 be a sex addict while you&;re married
0 because you&;re addicted to having sex
0 with your wife so i&;m sure that benefits
0 your spouse which is a very good thing
0 your wife is
0 lucky to be married to a sex addict
0 that&;s a good place to be now
0 for men okay i run a sales organization
0 i was in the military in the army you
0 know i had a sergeant in the corner
0 who was the king everybody looked at
0 this guy they admired him they just
0 admired the hell out of this guy
0 and i&;m an 18 year old kid i&;ve been
0 there for a little long now obviously
0 you know as a kid my mom caught me under
0 the mattress with my best
0 high quality porn addiction from hustle
0 magazine whatever i had had the nice
0 stash
0 high quality and hidden in the right
0 places she found it one day
0 and uh you know she was uh she was
0 shocked by it i said what what would you
0 like me to have you want me to have
0 naked pictures of what here
0 you know girls man you know animals what
0 would you like me to do here i&;m
0 i like women so we had a different
0 reaction but there was the judgment you
0 always kind of feel like there&;s a level
0 of
0 judgment now i go in the military the
0 guy in the corner
0 if i the mountains of porn vhs tapes he
0 had
0 was incredible and everybody would
0 always go to a street and i wonder why
0 is everybody going there and we found
0 out today we&;re going to look at this
0 today we&;re going to look at that
0 fast forward to me running a business i
0 cannot tell you how many times i&;ve
0 walked into one of my sales guys
0 and they&;re sitting there and all i hear
0 is oh you know the
0 sound in the background and they&;re like
0 trying to close the window like bro what
0 are you doing bro we got clients here
0 a few months ago a very funny experience
0 happened because one of my employees
0 uh i said hey you know where we at with
0 this image that we got to put up for the
0 thumbnail
0 he says here let me show you the
0 thumbnail i have it right here he takes
0 his phone out proudly
0 shows me the phone as he&;s going through
0 it he forgot to close the window of his
0 porn the penetration&;s taking place
0 he was so embarrassed he couldn&;t talk
0 to me for a couple weeks good news is
0 he&;s still an employee of ours he hasn&;t
0 been fired for appointment
0 he what what is it with men
0 being addicted to porn and why is it
0 that it&;s such a bad thing for men to be
0 addicted to porn
0 as i always speak from personal
0 experience i can&;t speak for
0 forever that&;s that&;s what i&;m bringing
0 here i mean you can always have a
0 psychologist who
0 comes as well or a scientist i come from
0 personal experience so first of all i
0 want to say i&;m not an
0 anti-porn advocate there are many
0 anti-porn advocates
0 if it&;s working for someone god bless
0 them it didn&;t work for me i&;m coming
0 from that perspective
0 it&;s it may not work for anyone it may
0 work for everyone but me it&;s not my
0 business
0 but when i talk about why i got trapped
0 in it is a
0 it&;s ridiculously accessible
0 ridiculously accessible
0 but the second and also i mean there&;s
0 some you know we
0 like women and i like women and that&;s
0 all you see the pictures and
0 it&;s there&;s a there&;s a lot there and
0 they get better and better at it right
0 when you talk about the magazine
0 um it&;s it&;s not the same problem
0 there&;s an organization called fight the
0 new drug
0 and pornography which combats
0 pornography or gives information about
0 pornography
0 and they consider it a new drug even
0 though pornography is as old as time
0 itself
0 because internet pornography is just
0 everything on steroids
0 like when you&;re done with that hustle
0 magazine or whatever it is you were
0 looking at
0 to get another one you got to go i don&;t
0 know how old you were at the time but
0 you got to work to get that next
0 magazine especially if you&;re under 18
0 as a teenager i mean it&;s just right
0 there at your fingertips more and more
0 and more and more so the variety and the
0 accessibility and for me
0 uh what kept me in it was the shame and
0 when i talk about porn addiction i&;m
0 talking about not wanting to watch porn
0 promising myself that i&;ll never watch
0 porn again and then
0 feeling un is uncontrollable urge to go
0 back and i do
0 so and i what the difference for me and
0 what kept me in there
0 what changed what&;s the real variable
0 that changed is shame
0 is talking about it so i was in therapy
0 for five years talking about other stuff
0 and intense things i was sexually abused
0 as a child and that was
0 a lot of the work i was doing in therapy
0 and i lied to him about the fact that i
0 was watching pornography for five years
0 so what does that tell you about the
0 average guy who&;s struggling with porn
0 we may be comfortable watching it and
0 talking about it but if we&;re trapped
0 in it can we turn to someone and ask for
0 help and that&;s what
0 that&;s what it took for me to get out of
0 it and that&;s one of the main reasons i
0 speak so that if someone else
0 is having a hard time saying no shame
0 there&;s a lot of us
0 who&;ve been there and there&;s a way out
0 and the way out is through combating the
0 shame
0 so so what what but if you go a little
0 deeper i mean i&;m on the website that
0 says the 12-step
0 program to get uh uh you know stop
0 watching porn and you know i&;m on the
0 website as well they just talked about
0 fight the new drug
0 um this is something where i get uh a
0 lot of calls uh of myself as a guy that
0 runs a company with twenty thousand
0 agents i get a call from wife sometimes
0 saying hey can you every once in a while
0 talk to the man about porn addiction
0 i don&;t want you to bring up the name
0 but you know i&;ve caught my husband
0 watching porn a lot and
0 et cetera so a lot of these things come
0 from the women&;s side as well
0 on you know i i don&;t want my husband to
0 watch porn because he can&;t stop
0 watching porn right
0 but to go kind of a little bit deeper
0 what is the challenge like what is the
0 problem of watching
0 porn i can speak from the experience
0 from my behalf and what i&;ve read on it
0 myself when i&;m studying what the
0 challenges of this is for both were
0 single man
0 and married man but for you what was the
0 challenge of watching too much more like
0 what kind of negative effects did it
0 have on you
0 it consumed my life so it started taking
0 up more and more time more and more
0 energy and then me pushing the
0 boundaries like i mentioned
0 going from pixels to people but when i
0 peeled back the onion and i said what am
0 i going to porn for
0 right which this is a that&;s really the
0 question someone has to
0 ask them for i&;ll give i&;ll give you a
0 great story so i get a call from a kid
0 who finds me on facebook
0 and he&;s struggling a lot because he&;s
0 21 22 years old and he&;s tried and
0 failed
0 uh to stop porn multiple times different
0 promises different
0 uh filters on his computer everything he
0 sees my talk he reaches out to me said
0 dude i&;ve tried everything and failed
0 uh maybe you can maybe you can have a
0 call with me so i said sure i get on the
0 phone with him and the first question i
0 ask him is
0 why do you watch so much porn and he
0 says to me because i&;m a guy
0 so i said so you&;re telling me that the
0 reason you&;re going to porn every single
0 time the reason you&;re going to porn
0 is strictly for a physical sexual need
0 that&;s what you&;re looking to get from
0 it
0 and he said yeah i think so i said okay
0 obviously i didn&;t believe that to be
0 the case because that wasn&;t the case
0 with me
0 and this is i think the kicker right so
0 as we continue the conversation i said
0 hey just tell me when it got the worst
0 when did when did your porn use get so
0 bad that you said i&;m done or tell me
0 what&;s going on now that you decided to
0 message
0 me on facebook because that&;s not easy
0 to do to reach out to someone and have
0 this conversation
0 so he says oh i finished school i think
0 he was in college i came back home
0 i&;m back in my parents house my one of
0 my siblings was dealing with an illness
0 i think it&;s very stressful
0 and i&;m watching porn so i said okay
0 this situation turns you on
0 is what do you mean i said well you told
0 me the reason you watch porn is because
0 it&;s like just a guy because you know
0 just a guy doing his thing it&;s sexual
0 and he understood from that question
0 that
0 my he understood my point from that
0 question that the reason he was watching
0 pornography was because he found himself
0 in a stressful situation
0 and he was using pornography or abusing
0 pornography to meet some emotional need
0 and that&;s where it gets wildly
0 destructive
0 did i answer your question yeah i guess
0 i guess what i&;m trying to find out
0 is what is the negative impact so okay i
0 have some stats here
0 for teenagers right nine out of ten boys
0 are exposed to pornography before the
0 age of 18. i&;m surprised it&;s nine out
0 of ten i figured be a hundred percent of
0 kids right
0 that are exposed to pornography six out
0 of ten girls are exposed to pornography
0 for 18. okay
0 on average a male&;s first experience to
0 pornography is at 12 years old okay
0 71 of teens have done something to hide
0 what they do online from their parents i
0 believe that teenage boys 12 to 17
0 have the highest risk of developing a
0 porn addiction right
0 okay then the next one says
0 uh i have hears from uh wives my husband
0 is addicted to porn
0 pornography addiction does not only
0 affect the addict and it can also
0 negatively impact the well-being of the
0 individual&;s wife or girlfriend
0 addiction can cause the following
0 feelings within the wife of a porn
0 addict
0 rejection betrayal depression
0 abandonment isolation
0 uh loneliness humiliation anger right so
0 did you like my my way of studying a
0 topic if i&;m struggling with something
0 in my life i&;m trying to raise money i
0 have no clue what the different controls
0 are
0 before i go and raise this you know next
0 money i got to find out what control so
0 i go read everything and anything i can
0 find on the topic if i&;m struggling with
0 parenting a girl versus a boy i want to
0 go read everything i can on that topic
0 when you were going to the rabbit hole
0 did you yourself go out there and do a
0 ton of due diligence to see the effects
0 of
0 porn can have on men on singles on
0 married or was it just like
0 look i&;m struggling with this i met with
0 my therapist and then i just wanted to
0 talk about it
0 did you do a lot of research and due
0 diligence so the research
0 for me came to addiction and that&;s
0 where i spent a lot of time and i i
0 looked at this very quickly as an
0 addiction as soon as i read
0 it i read a great book by patrick
0 harness called out of the shadows
0 and patrick harness talks about sex
0 addiction he&;s actually one who coined
0 the term
0 sex addiction not coined the term but he
0 was the first therapist
0 they call him like the father of sex
0 addiction recovery where he was the
0 first therapist to really talk out
0 talk about the possibility of someone
0 being able to be addicted to sex
0 some don&;t believe there could be an
0 addiction so as soon as i read that book
0 and i saw the
0 parallels in my life with what he was
0 talking about that became my obsession
0 my beca my obsession became
0 recovery from addiction versus how
0 destructive pornography is
0 for anyone else got it listen for me
0 it&;s that my motivation
0 and in terms of girls i mean what&;s the
0 likelihood
0 that i&;m gonna hit on girls less i&;m
0 going to approach them less i&;m going to
0 interact with them less
0 all of those things is going to um in a
0 real human way
0 right because i have something easily
0 available to me
0 that met my need in some way so it
0 i can i can talk for hours about the way
0 it affected my life
0 i think some of these questions that
0 you&;re asking about
0 how large of a problem it is and how how
0 much it affects people
0 someone else is probably better suited
0 to answer to answer those questions
0 i only ask it because if i speak on a
0 top like let&;s just say everywhere i go
0 i get pulled over for different topics
0 if i&;m a valet guy pull up valega will
0 get out and say he&;s italian he&;ll say
0 man i got to tell you
0 out of all the interviews of mobsters
0 which one do you like the most
0 is it samuel bulgarvan or is it frank
0 colada is it oscar goodman
0 so it starts a conversation then i get
0 hit up from emails from people from
0 sicily from people from all over the
0 world you should interview this russian
0 mobster you should interview this
0 albanian mobster and then i&;ll go into
0 bodybuilding and a bunch of people from
0 bodybuilding come to me
0 i just wonder if you talk about a topic
0 this sensitive as porn addiction did a
0 lot of doctors psychologists therapists
0 come up to you
0 send you research to say here&;s the
0 challenges and the reason why i ask this
0 question is because
0 i think this is as big of a deal as you
0 think it is
0 but i think the impact on this is very
0 massive for uh for the community for
0 somebody like yourself who&;s already
0 made an influence you got three million
0 people on this topic
0 i watch pamela anderson talk about porn
0 and
0 it was one of the most fascinating
0 interviews i saw with pamela anderson
0 so you know when you think about pamela
0 what do you think about you think about
0 baywatch you think about
0 who&;s the guy she was with what&;s the
0 guy&;s name she was with um i&;m thinking
0 oh well i don&;t know what his name is
0 you know what i&;m talking about the good
0 looking guy what&;s his name
0 tommy lee what&;s his name tommy lee so a
0 they&;re together and their video came
0 out and it was so public and all this
0 other stuff so
0 and then she had a son and then she
0 talked about in an interview where
0 look you know when you&;re going out
0 there meeting men and you&;re having sex
0 says it&;s starting to get annoying
0 because men think they have to have sex
0 with you
0 the way men have sex with women and porn
0 because they that&;s where they get their
0 education from so a lot of times that
0 becomes a form of education where single
0 men are thinking
0 hey that&;s what i need to do to go
0 please xyz
0 number two is you know when if you&;re
0 married and you&;re watching too much
0 porn it creates a distance between you
0 and your wife
0 almost because you know it&;s kind of
0 like man you know there&;s no way in the
0 world you can meet this expectation of
0 what i sign here so
0 anything below that is you know just not
0 going to turn me on the way xyz turned
0 me on in this movie that i watch or in
0 this
0 series that i watch i was just curious
0 to know if you haven&;t elaborated
0 on that please elaborate on that point
0 of
0 what&;s turning someone on because one of
0 one of the things
0 that impacted me towards the end i i
0 committed in uh
0 march of 2013 that&;s when i committed to
0 stop watching porn and it&;s been about
0 four and a half years since i&;ve seen
0 anything so it took a few years zero
0 zero you haven&;t watched any for four
0 and a half years i haven&;t intentionally
0 went to watch porn in four and a half
0 years yeah it&;s sometimes hard not to
0 bump into things like you mentioned
0 right your employee opens a phone in
0 front of you
0 so if you had a streak going then that
0 wouldn&;t work so i&;m specific about what
0 i mean i haven&;t intentionally gone to
0 to look at porn but i saw an interview
0 with the porn star
0 a couple months before my decision to
0 stop
0 and she spoke about walking in on her
0 boyfriend watching pornography
0 and right so she said her whole view of
0 pornography changed in that in style
0 right because until then she&;s like okay
0 i&;m hotter than these other
0 girls that&;s the reason why everyone&;s
0 watching me
0 and uh you know makes sense right i&;m
0 the hottest
0 they&;re less hot so watch me have sex
0 and here is a guy
0 here&;s a man the one man who i want to
0 have sex with and he&;s watching
0 pornography of other people and that&;s
0 when he that&;s when she realized for
0 herself that porn kind of operates on a
0 little bit of a different track
0 than the regular sex drive
0 in the sense that it&;s not just i&;m more
0 attracted to this
0 so i want so i want the one that&;s most
0 attractive there&;s something about the
0 variety there&;s something about the
0 um it being as a not a human being
0 it being in an inanimate there&;s
0 something about being able to
0 watch anything that we are thinking
0 about that day right
0 etc etc that uh pushes us in that
0 direction or pulls us in that direction
0 and she said after that she was done
0 with porn she realized that
0 yeah what she&;s doing isn&;t helping
0 people it&;s not
0 you know it&;s i don&;t know some some
0 people say you know i watch porn with my
0 wife to kind of get myself
0 to get the engines revved and over there
0 she said hey this is something else
0 going on because
0 if it was just about that he&;d be
0 sleeping with me and
0 in the in instead other people are
0 watching me
0 are watching me have sex and the person
0 who could is watching someone else have
0 sex
0 something not good is going on here it&;s
0 great perspective from somebody who&;s in
0 that field you walk in onto your man
0 watching porn of another girl while
0 you&;re
0 you&;re a porn star and you&;re watching a
0 very very uh interesting perspective
0 i&;d be curious to know what the what her
0 name is i&;d love to interview her myself
0 to see
0 what she can bring to the table so look
0 let&;s talk about this part i think the
0 one part with this
0 is it&;s such a sensitive topic that
0 you know sometimes when people talk
0 about this topic it almost comes across
0 as uh
0 uh uh i can&;t believe you do such a
0 thing and i can&;t believe you know it&;s
0 kind of like
0 looking down at people who have watched
0 it and then there&;s also another group
0 where
0 it&;s where it&;s what&;s the big deal you
0 know just
0 it&;s not a big deal just drop it versus
0 not realizing that you know just like a
0 guy is addicted to xanax or vicodin or
0 cocaine or pot or you know
0 heroin whatever maybe it&;s a similar
0 challenge and thing to get rid of the
0 difference is
0 if you want xanax you have to go to get
0 it from somebody for a couple dollars a
0 pop
0 if you want coke nose candy you got to
0 go find somebody to buy from
0 but if you want to you know porn you&;re
0 you&;re two seconds away from having it
0 the dealer sitting right in front of you
0 at any time
0 so especially for kids yeah right i mean
0 that&;s it&;s magnified for kids we do so
0 much to protect kids from alcohol from
0 everything under the sun and then what
0 do they have to do they have to check
0 mark that they&;re 18.
0 yeah and and uh uh it&;s just a crazy
0 question for you did your parents talk
0 to you about sex early on or no
0 no they didn&;t talk about sex early on
0 okay got it
0 uh uh neither did mine i mean my mother
0 would ask me in germany have you taken
0 science yet i said why do you keep
0 asking me if i&;ve taken science here
0 like what are you asking me about
0 why i&;ve taken signs yet walk me through
0 someone&;s watching this
0 okay right after they watch this
0 interview
0 they clear history because they don&;t
0 want to see that they&;re watching an
0 interview like this about porn because
0 they don&;t want anybody to know that
0 they&;re watching you know a
0 video with history something tells me
0 this interview the percentage of people
0 watching the entire interview is going
0 to be higher than usual because
0 they want to see exactly what things are
0 going to be said because i know
0 a lot of people struggle with this what
0 is the process i have it in front of me
0 but i&;m curious
0 what process you took what was your
0 process
0 to go through drop in porn where for
0 four and a half years you haven&;t
0 intentionally watched any porn
0 what was the process you took that work
0 for you three components of the process
0 there was therapy well first before i go
0 into that it was whatever it takes
0 right it&;s if someone asked you what you
0 had to do in business
0 the real answer is i was willing to do
0 whatever it took and this is what it
0 happened to take for me so i want to
0 qualify that
0 it was 100 whatever it took i it was the
0 most important priority for me once i
0 noticed how much it was affecting my
0 life
0 and the the way i found out is trying to
0 stop doing doing it for a period of time
0 and i got at one point the first time i
0 tried to stop was 57 days i was feeling
0 freaking amazing so many parts of my
0 life getting better but on the other
0 hand
0 i was feeling amazing in the sense that
0 my feelings started coming up
0 right so like i started feeling better
0 and some of those feelings were
0 extremely uncomfortable feelings
0 that were coming up so when i became
0 better at feeling because some of the
0 porn
0 numbed so much of it so i started some
0 of the trauma some of the pain some of
0 the confusion
0 some of that started coming up as well
0 but in answer to your question
0 there was therapy there was support
0 groups and then a little bit of help
0 from technology
0 that was kind of the three-pronged
0 approach that i
0 took to stopping to watch porn can you
0 tell me support groups and what
0 technology
0 yeah so technology they were at the time
0 i used something like k9 browser
0 and then the general stuff on on the
0 iphone when i got an iphone i&;m sure
0 there are better stuff now
0 i know there&;s i&;ve i&;ve worked with
0 covenant eyes
0 covenant eyes i think is a really good
0 one um covenant
0 eyes uses a uh it&;s kind of like a um
0 a mentor relationship where i&;ve been on
0 the other side of that so i didn&;t know
0 this software when i was trying to stop
0 but the the problem with using something
0 like canine browser or some of the other
0 stuff
0 is that there are always ways around it
0 whereas
0 covenant eyes kind of screenshots at
0 random times and it gives someone on the
0 other end
0 hey the guy didn&;t use his phone for a
0 long period of time
0 or here are some snapshots
0 versus you know for example i can be on
0 instagram that&;s not picked up by the
0 browser but i&;m watching stuff that may
0 as well be porn something like covenant
0 eyes will see that they&;ll take pictures
0 and then you&;ll have a conversation with
0 your accountability partner so imagine
0 one of your employees came to you and
0 said
0 patrick i&;m struggling watching porn
0 will you be my accountability partner on
0 covenant eyes and then it
0 it&;ll send you reports and have that
0 conversation so there&;s a lot of
0 different technology out there
0 i used k9 browser and the regular apple
0 stuff just to limit it
0 and the reason is this isn&;t a fail-safe
0 i don&;t have anything today on my phones
0 just to be clear what it does is it just
0 gives you a space between stimulus and
0 response
0 and for me that i&;ve sat down on my
0 computer so many times
0 i see the google screen and i&;m already
0 for years when i saw that google image
0 that was a trigger for me so i needed
0 something to block all google images
0 even on my work computer for several
0 years now that trigger has weakened so
0 one was technology but again that&;s just
0 to put a small gap
0 support groups i use the 12 steps i&;m a
0 big proponent of the 12 steps
0 obviously there&;s there&;s an anonymous
0 factor to the 12 steps because
0 in the 12 steps no one wants to come and
0 say um
0 or not so much the 12 steps but the
0 specific programs within the 12 steps so
0 i won&;t name the program
0 that i&;m a part of and the reason for
0 the anonymous factor is
0 you know let&;s say next week i slip on
0 porn or i&;m found in a strip club or
0 something else
0 someone doesn&;t say oh look it doesn&;t
0 work it does work
0 but i don&;t want to be the poster child
0 there are no poster childs for
0 you any of these programs and then
0 therapy really deep dive in therapy and
0 therapy means
0 everything you can imagine plus you you
0 know uh uh
0 are you close to both your parents mom
0 and dad yeah i
0 am you&;re you&;re my mom you&;re a very
0 valued guy
0 what did you pick up from your mom and
0 what did you pick up from your dad
0 because you seem like a very
0 raised properly values and principal
0 type of guy
0 thanks i appreciate that uh both my pet
0 you know we didn&;t grow up with much
0 uh both my parents decided to become
0 more religious in their late 20s early
0 30s
0 so they they brought us up with religion
0 but in a way that was not
0 um indoctrinated to them but chosen for
0 them
0 so i think that was a little bit
0 different they both chose it was a very
0 religious life a very acidic life i
0 don&;t
0 live that way today but i saw that
0 my dad was very involved in the
0 community he helped out in pretty much
0 anything he could we didn&;t grow up with
0 much money i was one of nine
0 kids my dad was a government employee my
0 mom was a part-time teacher
0 but i saw them help people and i saw
0 them uh
0 i saw them do what they could to to be
0 better people and be better people
0 within the community within the
0 community
0 so well respect i mean it&;s felt it&;s
0 it&;s felt
0 you you um i&;m in a business of reading
0 people it&;s what i do for a living many
0 times people think i&;m like an
0 entrepreneur or
0 insurance or finance i&;m in the business
0 of reading people that&;s what i get paid
0 to do
0 and i&;ve been doing that for 20 years
0 and i&;m not on all the time but i&;m
0 can get a pretty good read for folks so
0 so
0 flip the question for you now on you
0 know
0 raising kids do you have any kids yet or
0 no you have three kids
0 yeah you have three kids are you trying
0 to beat your parents record or no
0 no but i have a two-year-old a
0 one-year-old and a newborn so i&;m we&;re
0 moving quickly
0 that that then that means that you&;re
0 using your addiction in the right way
0 you you&;re using it with one family and
0 you&;re building your kids
0 uh by the way patrick a lot of people
0 who are porn addicts don&;t have a lot of
0 sex
0 with their wives so i know that
0 i know that yeah i know that it&;s so
0 funny i got a call
0 very random call hey how many times do
0 you and your wife have sex
0 i said what do you think and you know
0 it&;s like well we only have sex once a
0 month
0 i&;m like what we don&;t have sex once a
0 month why
0 i don&;t know it&;s just once a month so
0 and that&;s not one person or two or
0 three that&;s many people who have asked
0 that weird question and for whatever
0 reason that question is being asked a
0 lot
0 in the last five years but here&;s a
0 question for you just out of curiosity
0 we&;re both parents you got three kids
0 two one and one on the way i got three
0 and one on the way
0 a newborn that&;s right i got a nine
0 seven or four and one on the way okay
0 what are you planning on like the
0 approach you&;re going to take with this
0 with your kids have you thought about it
0 have you sat there and said you know
0 when my kids come up this age this is
0 how i&;m going to speak to them about
0 this have you processed that at all
0 i&;ll tell i&;ll tell you something that
0 happened a few weeks ago
0 but not necessarily not for my kids i&;ve
0 thought about it for my kids but i got a
0 lot of nephews and nieces
0 a few weeks ago i come downstairs with a
0 t-shirt it&;s a t-shirt from fight the
0 new drug that says porn kills love
0 and i don&;t think about wearing around
0 my kids because my kids don&;t read yet
0 but my nephew was over
0 and my nephew was um two nephews
0 one is ten one at nine and the nine year
0 old
0 says what&;s porn when he sees my t-shirt
0 that&;s a good question by the way so at
0 first i i turned kind of red i was like
0 oh i avoid the wrong t-shirt
0 i wait a little bit i ran upstairs i
0 changed my shirt
0 and then uh funny i actually left i went
0 to a
0 i said i have to think about it let me
0 answer you another time and
0 i actually went to a 12-step meeting
0 after that and while i was sitting there
0 i was thinking saying hey he saw the
0 porn kills love and he asked about porn
0 and i got a little bit ashamed
0 but if you look at those stats that&;s
0 the average age that kids look at porn
0 wow and that&;s what i told this mom i
0 said that
0 you know yes i probably wore the wrong
0 shirt right
0 around kids but on the other hand i
0 think that a conversation has to happen
0 and that&;s that that&;s what i have
0 that&;s what i think about with my kids
0 there&;s nothing you can do
0 technology-wise
0 to stop your kids from watching porn yes
0 you want to have blockers you want to
0 have filters
0 but what are you going to do when
0 they&;re at a friend&;s house and you
0 think you&;re going to tell them they&;re
0 not going to have a phone
0 then they&;re going to feel like the kid
0 that&;s left out so the only
0 the only thing we could do sort of you
0 know if we want to take on the fight
0 with the government and
0 everything else with the porn industry
0 there&;s some people doing that but short
0 of that if the industry looks like it
0 does now
0 and it&;s as accessible then we got to be
0 able to sit down and have conversations
0 and they know they can
0 they can talk to us well i can tell you
0 there&;s uh three types of audiences that
0 are gonna watch this video this
0 interview one is gonna say
0 i don&;t struggle with porn great then
0 share this with somebody who you know
0 that may struggle with porn
0 then there&;s gonna be an audience that&;s
0 gonna say yeah i i watch porn but i
0 don&;t consider myself an addict and i
0 think you guys are crazy if you think
0 it&;s a big deal
0 it&;s just watching a movie it&;s not a
0 big deal and they don&;t think they have
0 a challenge no problem then there&;s
0 gonna be the third kind
0 that&;s gonna say you know what i may
0 have a porn
0 addiction i may have a challenge that i
0 can&;t stop consuming the content
0 we are gonna put the link to everything
0 ellie just shared with us whether it&;s
0 covenant eyes
0 whether it&;s the book he talked about
0 out of shadows by
0 patrick j carnes we&;ll put that below as
0 well and i&;ll put the link below as well
0 to fight the new drug for you to go do
0 your own due diligence
0 if this matters to you and if you uh
0 want to get a hold of
0 ellie as well we&;ll put the link below
0 for you to get a hold of ellie ellie
0 thank you so much for your time this was
0 very helpful
0 appreciate it patrick have a good
0 everybody thank you so much
0 take care sensitive topic but millions
0 deal with it and if you&;re somebody that
0 watched the entire interview i&;d be
0 curious to know what you took away from
0 it maybe you comment anonymously maybe
0 you comment proudly and say
0 here&;s where i&;m at but definitely if
0 you&;re someone that
0 relates to ellie we have a links below
0 to everything he spoke about and if you
0 want to watch another interview that has
0 to do regarding porn addiction
0 and dopamine by a doctor who does this
0 professionally click over to watch the
0 interview with daniel
0 lieberman take care everybody bye-bye
.