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La durée de 01:21:59 secondes et le titre Masturbation: A Conservative Christian Lecture We Desperately Did Not Need sont à prendre en compte, ainsi que les informations de l’auteur et la description qui suit :« Nous avons un Patreon maintenant! https://www.patreon.com/Maximino First quelques vidéos officielles Patreon Are Up Me Watch Me Live on Twitch: https://twitch.tv/maximmino discord: https://discord.gg/qyyxjdb4jb Twitter: https: // twitter.com/maximmino tiktok: https://tiktok.com/@herotheturtle Je vais également lancer cela dans les commentaires, mais la raison de regarder cette vidéo était que Jake Doolittle a fait une vidéo dessus et je voulais l’explorer pour que ce soit demain fille définie par fille a fait un travail incroyable pour me faire du mal à nous blesser #GirlDefined #DatingAdvice #ChristianMingle (TagStotranslate) Maximino (T) Maximmino (T) Lee I Love You ».

YouTube est une plateforme où les créateurs peuvent partager leurs idées, allant de contenus informatifs à des discussions plus personnelles, tout en garantissant le respect des règles et de la diversité. C’est un lieu d’échange sécurisé qui favorise la réflexion sur une multitude de thématiques.

Sexualité et addiction à la masturbation : trouver des solutions

Arrêter la masturbation peut être un parcours semé d’embûches pour beaucoup. Ce comportement, bien qu’il soit une manière naturelle et saine d’explorer la sexualité, peut s’avérer problématique lorsqu’il vire à l’addiction, compromettant ainsi la qualité des relations personnelles, la productivité au travail et le bien-être mental.

S’informer sur les caractéristiques et les impacts de la dépendance à la masturbation

Distinguer les symptômes d’une dépendance

La dépendance se caractérise par une pratique de plus en plus fréquente, accompagnée d’une incapacité à contrôler cette activité, au détriment d’autres engagements. Cela peut engendrer des problèmes dans les relations avec un partenaire.

Analyser les transformations de la santé mentale et physique

L’addiction à la masturbation, souvent liée à un usage excessif de pornographie, perturbe le système dopaminergique, entraînant des problèmes tels que l’éjaculation précoce, la fatigue ou un manque de satisfaction sexuelle.

Établir une définition précise de la masturbation et de ses pratiques

Bien que souvent bénéfique pour diminuer le stress et mieux comprendre son propre corps, la masturbation, lorsqu’elle devient fréquente, peut causer des problèmes importants.

Peser les avantages d’une réussite dans l’abstinence

Souligner le parcours vers un bonheur véritable et stable

Réduire la dépendance peut conduire à des résultats durables, tant dans la vie personnelle que professionnelle et sociale.

Présenter les étapes vers un équilibre mental amélioré

Mettre fin à cette pratique engendre fréquemment une hausse d’énergie, une humeur plus positive et une meilleure concentration.

Mettre en lumière les améliorations dans les échanges interpersonnels

Les échanges avec un conjoint s’améliorent, favorisant une plus grande complicité émotionnelle et physique.

Construire un plan d’action pour rompre avec cette habitude

Présenter des moyens concrets pour réduire cette habitude

• Identifier les déclencheurs : Notez ce qui provoque l’envie.
• Repérer les déclencheurs : Notez ce qui provoque le désir.
• Se fixer des objectifs clairs : Optez pour une approche progressive ou participez au mouvement « nofap » pour un sevrage total.

Indiquer les étapes essentielles pour éviter les rechutes

• Établir une routine quotidienne : Organisez vos journées avec des tâches et activités prévues.
• Mettre en place un emploi du temps clair : Remplissez chaque moment de votre journée avec des activités productives.

Montrer l’importance de s’appuyer sur son entourage

• Parler à un sexologue : Un professionnel peut offrir des conseils adaptés.notamment ce spécialiste de la chastetépour le monde entier.
• Faire partie de groupes de soutien : Partager ses objectifs avec d’autres est un excellent moyen de rester motivé.

Analyser les influences responsables de l’accroissement de cette pratique

Examiner les aspects psychiques et émotionnels

L’anxiété, le stress ou des insatisfactions ailleurs dans la vie peuvent conduire à l’excès de cette pratique.

Réfléchir à l’influence de la solitude et du désir sur le comportement

Le désir non satisfait et la solitude, tant dans la vie de couple que personnelle, sont des éléments qui favorisent cette pratique.

Analyser les effets comportementaux de l’exposition à la pornographie

La pornographie joue un rôle central. Elle stimule fréquemment le désir de se masturber et peut entraîner une perception erronée de la sexualité.

Pour conclure

Cesser la masturbation habituelle nécessite du temps et de la détermination. En adoptant un plan bien conçu et avec un soutien approprié, ce défi peut être relevé, ouvrant la voie à une vie plus équilibrée et centrée sur des objectifs significatifs.

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#Masturbation #une #conférence #chrétienne #conservatrice #dont #nous #navions #pas #désespérément #besoin

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: I read scripture and masturbate and it’s great like I really like the idea of Christian regret and it’s not all Christians I understand that I’m not going to just sit here and tell you an entire religion of people it’s like this these two happen to be they will tell you what to do and what not to do based on their religion and then tell you that you’re a bad person for having done it whether or not they have done it so we’re going to listen to one of these women go I masturbated a lot and I regretted it so you shouldn’t do it because it’s a sin and that is essentially what this all comes down to here things I did that I believe are a Sin but I did them because I’m a normal person and instead of acting on your normal urges and being a real person you should just feel bad about everything it is that you do I’m going to make sure that you do in the name of God here’s my interpretation of what God has to say here’s my interpretation of the Bible and it is the only correct one that is the entire Vibe of girl defin and especially in this video called masturbation a conversation for single and married women today on the girl toine show we are talking about masturbation masturbation is something that I actually actually struggled with a lot as a single woman and for me it was very much driven by lust it was driven by fantasy and in my heart I knew what I was doing wasn’t honoring to God I knew it wasn’t in his design for me and pursuing Purity and Holiness but I didn’t know how to break free as a single woman I know that this is not what this whole video is about but oh my God imagine her in the middle of it being like I wonder what God thinks of being right now like she has to have like little Jesus crucifixes around her house just like looking at her while she does it I don’t like that I don’t like that at all I should probably clarify that we’re not really going to shame people regardless of how weird they are in general we’re not going to shame two people who are made to feel ashamed of themselves in their bodies due to their religion we’re going to worry more about what it is they have to say about masturbation rather than like themselves talking about themselves going through the ACT if you’re going to masturbate you’re going to feel bad about it that’s fine half of you do that anyway not my business but if you’re going to preach to people what they should do with their bodies when it doesn’t actually hurt anyone else chill chill chill is it a sin to be a DJ it’s the same thing didn’t know how to understand my body I didn’t know how to embrace God’s design for my sexuality I didn’t understand how to truly pursue Purity as he intended and I know as I’ve talked to so many of you you have the same questions and now as a married woman I have more questions on the other side of marriage regarding my sexual design and so in today’s episode we are going to be talking about all of that masturbation how to think about it as a married woman as a single woman what does God’s word say about this how do we Embrace God’s design for our sexuality without falling into any of the ditches we’re going to dive into all of that today on the girl to find show that has to be a bit somewhere right like there has to be some family guy cutway out there where God like makes humans and he’s like all right go do something and they just start masturbating and he’s like no no not like that and then God invented cornflakes this will stop him I am really excited for this convers conversation on masturbation I don’t know if you’ve noticed but it seems that Christian women particularly are very silent on this topic and I think that’s why when you and I Kristen post and talk about masturbation from like a Biblical lens the comments the DMS The Click rate on those posts like Skyrocket it’s insane and I think it’s because we as Christian women are desperate for information about our sexuality about our struggles about what like what does the Bible say is you know a right living out of our sexuality what is against God’s design like we just have so many questions and it can be so hard to find answers and we all know going to good old Google can bring up some real sketchy stuff and most I’m so brain rotted that I thought she was going to say goon and then it ended with Google Google oh man Tik Tok has destroyed me I think if I try to make comments now it’s going to be things that are too obvious like the reason that people don’t talk about things like masturbation and then later on sex is because of the shame and the stigma right like Christian people aren’t supposed to do this so we’re not going to talk about it if we do and it’s sex education right you don’t talk about it and so people don’t know when to use protection how to use protection there’s a line where you have to realize that enough people are doing this whether or not they’re supposed to you should be able to talk about it most of us don’t really want to Google like oh my struggle with masturbation CU we’re like I don’t know what’s going to pop up and I I don’t really want to go to secular forces I want someone who’s going to take me to scripture but it can be hard so here we are and really what triggered this conversation is we actually just released a guide um a digital download on the topic of masturbation the the guide is called find finding freedom from masturbation gospel strategies for walking in Victory and as you can see this ebook this PDF download is for the woman who is like wow this I am kind of like trapped in this or this is a habit I’ve had that I just really want to break I know this isn’t honoring to the Lord um this is something that is filled with like lust and fantasy and I just I know this is not where I want to be like I I want to break free from this sin I want helpful strategies do you think there’s like a there’s a Bible passage that just didn’t make it to the Final Cut where it’s like Leviticus 3:12 and Jesus said unto Mary no don’t come in here Mom knock Max you the woman trapped in masturbation not honoring the Lord the Lord and I have an interesting relationship also okay hear me out the worst people are people who are religious and who tan their butth holes you’re pointing it at them you guys remember that were you guys on Twitter for the whole sun in your butthole Trend what we created binding freedom for masturbation for for this single or married woman for you to get for a friend and just to be bold about this topic and say I’m not going to let you know Satan trap me in this in my own little island and and keep this secret all to myself like I am going to confess this to the Lord I’m going to find a mentor someone to help me walk through this I’m going to get this guide I’m going to start taking those steps so this guide is actually available right now I’m going to assume I didn’t write a guide on how to DJ right how not to DJ interesting so is this entire video going to be about like hey I have that thought too but let’s not do it Idle Hands Are The Devil’s weapons Idle Hands Are The Devil’s DJ to TOS that makes sense I just thought we were going to get to them being like I do it maybe it’s not okay and Jesus is watching sometimes we G do it we’re gonna unpack this is not going to be your typical conversation on masturbation right Kristen oh no well and it’s so interesting because when we released our PDF I think we were even Blown Away by how many people were not only purchasing it but dming us like you said yeah I don’t think we think that all religious people are like this I think these two people are like this and they’re using religion to try and justify their actions and their thoughts and their beliefs behaviors every other synonym of those two words I can come up with if it goes don’t do it then it feels like it is your typical religious conversation on this topic I have questions as a married woman or I’m a single Christian woman here’s my struggle will this relate to me will this help me just so many nuances right and I think we were even kind of blown away because this isn’t the first time we’ve ever talked about this we’ve had I I had an episode specifically on masturbation that came out a while ago sharing my whole journey my struggle my journey to Freedom what that looked like and then we’ve talked about this we have a whole section in our book sex Purity and the longings of a girl’s heart we have an entire section on this as well and we’ve talked about it in other ways just just on Instagram and so it’s not the first time but we’ve never released a resource that was specifically just about masturbation and finding freedom and so clearly there is a chord being struck here this is resonating this is something that we see as a Christian Community women saying I need this I want this I’m confused about this or I’m struggling with this or I have questions about this and I need answers and sadly when you look out at the Christian resource what’s available out there there isn’t a ton of resources on this specific topic specifically addressed to women I feel like we’ve had this part of the conversation before something that people should figure out before they jump into a marriage is what they want and what they expect out of sex you should be able to enjoy it before you get into a marriage and have sex for the first time why I I don’t know why those are there if you don’t enjoy it you’re going to believe that that is what sex should be and you’re going to end up with one of those dudes on Twitter who’s like the female orgasm isn’t real women can’t get wet I just asked my wife she said it’s never happened to her and you don’t want to end up with those people you want to end up with people who make your life better by making you feel good in every other way hopefully but in this one especially within this conversation you should figure out what it is that you like and if you can do that on your own that’s fantastic later on you can find someone to help you do that too but you should do it on your own too well I think there’s a struggle within like knowing that something is wrong and then wanting to do it and this right being like a person with sexual urges is pretty innate and so having this urge but having this like religious sense of shame that is telling you not to do something but your body’s like I would like to have this done I would like to do this yeah it’s a bit of a struggle so I get that I don’t get trying to turn it into like a preaching moment but also like if your biggest struggle is whether or not you should masturbate that day like good for you congratulations there are a lot of resources I think for men because often times sexual struggles sadly can be viewed more as a man’s issue and a man’s topic but as women we know we are just as sexual as men we are also created as sexual beings and God has a beautiful design for our sexuality but we’re also broken because of the Fall because of sin and so we wrestle and we struggle and we need more resources for women helping us link Arms Journey together to feel like I’m not alone I’m not on an island my struggles don’t have to remain a secret I can bring them into the light I can get help and that is exactly why we created this resource so that we can come alongside you and say you’re not alone I hate that these people are too easy to make fun of all right like I’m I’m not going to say anything I’m not going to say anything and that is exactly why we created this resource so that we can come alongside you and say you’re right like how easy is that stop handing me jokes woman I should just sell out I should just sell out it would be so easy to sit here and be like you’re not get help and that is exactly why we created this resource so that we can come alongside you and say we created this resource that we actually can’t come alongside you because you’re not supposed to do it stop it only person DJing at my wedding is DJ khed you’re not alone let’s go on this journey together yes oh my goodness 100% so I think it would be helpful though if we start with some definitions because that’s what I have found in this conversation that people are very confused like what if they drop a definition for masturbation and it’s like it only counts if and they have like a soaking variation where like it doesn’t count that’s going to be so funny are we talking about and many of us we think oh if I say the word masturbation here’s exactly what I’m talking about but if you got 10 10 of us as women in the same room we might all have different definitions so I think it would be helpful for us to kind of like lay the foundation let’s get some clarity on exactly what we’re talking about when we use the word masturbation um I don’t have the dictionary definition I have it pulled up you’ve got it okay yeah so according to the dictionary here is how masturbation is defined the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals especially to orgasm sexual self-gratification and I think that is a very basic very definition to just say Okay as we approach this topic in this conversation right now that is the working definition that I would say we’re going off of that is how we would Define masturbation in this conversation so I’m going to read it one more time so if you missed it you can really hear what we’re saying here the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals especially to orgasm sexual self-gratification and in a minute we are going to get into breaking down some nuances of how this could play out in for married women and for single women because something that I think we have made the mistake of here in our conversations even um as a Ministry is that we haven’t been super clear on kind of drawing a line and having this discussion for married women and how that might impact and look different within a Marin marriage covenant relationship between a husband and wife versus a single woman who was unmarried um and God’s call for a christian single woman and her sexuality and God’s call for a married woman and her sexuality there are distinctions there are different is clearly um because we know sex was designed for marriage we’re going to get into that so in this conversation we’re going to break into some of those nuances that we haven’t touched on before it’s a lot of words for them to really not say anything and so that’s how we’re just listening really like I can stop here and be like oh the definition masturbation how insightful but also like there’s really nothing to say there like they Define something other they just ranting about it we will eventually get to them dropping some sort of opinion I’m sure for and a lot of this was spurred on because so many of you were asking questions as married women and as single women so we want to talk to each group today and I think that’s going to be really helpful yeah for sure and I think part of that is our ministry really did start as a Ministry for single women so our audience has been very clear so in past conversations we’ve very much been talking to single women but as our ministry grown as Kristen and I have gotten married and had babies and our ministry has just evolved and we have a ton of married women now like it’s kind of you know 5050 we’ve got like 50% married women 50% single women and so there’s there’s no way to where am I in that am I not in the ministry the fact that they call their YouTube audience in Ministry is kind of wild to me am I supposed to have a name from mine have a conversation just to you know like to say here’s here’s something and this applies to everyone in this context so I’m really excited if you are single we are going to have a segment specifically for you in this conversation and then married women all of those nuances those questions you have we are going to give you some answers but I think it’s important to note that um the word masturbation is not found in Scripture so that’s why we went to the dictionary to find our definition and I think that’s part of the reason it can be a little bit scary to talk about this because we do not want to add to scripture in any way we do not want to um speak for scripture in in ways it does not speak and so my hope is that by the end of this conversation you’ll actually see the freedom and the beauty of God’s design and you won’t won’t live in fear but you’ll be able to know hey this is God’s good design and his boundaries for me in different seasons and I can thrive in that that and outside of what he clearly says is um honoring to him or not honoring to him sin or not I’ll know how to walk in Freedom and I think that that’s the beauty of this conversation is less of um okay we just want to bring the hammer on anyone who’s struggling like no we Christ has set us free we can find Freedom in him and we can walk in Freedom we can enjoy um as married women Intimacy in the right context as single woman you we can we can use our lives in such incredible ways and so I think that you’re going to walk away today just go wow like I am excited for the season I’m in I have practical strategies to combat sin I have practical strategies to know how to live out my sexuality well like I just think this is going to be a really freeing conversation Oh I thought we were a lot deeper into the video than we are it’s only been 10 minutes so all we’ve gotten so far is masturbation as a topic here’s the definition and no matter what we say or how we say it’s going to go back to what God wants and what we believe God is saying and I think that’s the part about them that’s a little hard to get past is that very rarely and I’m going to say that because I just don’t remember any single times they’ve said we’ve interpreted the word like this we’ve interpreted God’s ideas like this it’s always this is what God wants this is what God is saying and that’s always a bit of a dumb argument I don’t care how religious or non-religious you are every time another person speaks for God it is going to be an interpretation unless you can get me like a 240p grainy video of God coming down and being like all right stop doing that everything that everyone says including the Bible is going to be an interpretation and I think that’s kind of a hard line for people like this who are like I’m so righteous and so correct in my ideas because they are actually God’s ideas through my body rather them this is what I think and I’m going to use my religion to justify it it’s fine if you say I don’t want to masturbate because it makes me feel bad I’m ashamed of it my religion says not to whatever but to turn around and be like my religion says you should stop doing that and it’s something that’s not harmful what their husband said about this video they’re probably like female orgasms aren’t real anyway so you don’t have to masturbate anyway I feel like they’re going to end up saying something like pleasure is only for married people if you want to masturbate if you want to have an orgasm it should be within your marriage you want to have an orgasm within a Christian marriage like this you’re going to have to do it alone you know I wish that when I was younger when I was a single woman I wish that I had had more of a Biblical gospel centered framework for Understanding God’s design for sexuality because as I wrestle in my own struggles with masturbation and like I said in the intro for me they were definitely very lust fueled and fantasy-driven they were not um I knew it wasn’t a pure act I knew it wasn’t as a christian single woman I knew it wasn’t honoring to God um and I knew his call for me was Holiness and I you know I knew sex was for marriage and sexual acts but I didn’t I didn’t have that greater more beautiful picture and so for me there was a lot of Shame of just like how come I can’t stop I didn’t feel like I had the tools I didn’t have that greater understanding and so for me it was so much much of like I just need to stop this but I didn’t really have anything I was aiming for like that bigger more beautiful picture and so let’s just give that recap because I think it is so important like that is foundational whether you’re single married whether you’re ever going to get married or whether you’ve already been married for a while like we need these reminders we need to go back to the Bible and understand that God is the author of sex it wasn’t something Hollywood invented I really like the idea of God writing a book called sex and then you it’s like thick thick and you open it he just goes don’t have it that is go in there you know it’s like this was actually God’s design and if we take a moment to like soak like let that soak in we’ll realize that God is for pleasure that he created sexual intimacy that he this thing that can sometimes even feel like a dirty word in the church is something our holy and pure and awesome God actually invented himself and so it’s not something we have to be afraid of it’s not something we have to be Hush Hush shy about it’s something that in our singleness in marriage in any stage of I always forget their names and that’s on me I just don’t remember names ever really the one furthest away from me is always so disinterested and when when this one is talking she’s either on her phone or she goes yep yep yep oh yeah totally yep mhm oh for sure or she’s on her phone she’s yeah she’s reading a text message from God it’s just God going hey hey don’t forget don’t forget to tell them what I said about pooping pooping is a sin nothing must go in or out they don’t seem like they’re good listeners and they don’t seem like they want to be if they were better listeners they would have interpreted a lot of the Bible different I think but what do I know in marriage in any stage of life we need to understand God’s design for this biblically what it was created for and how to embrace it rightly so going back to Genesis this is when we see first glimpses of sexual intimacy entering the scene right Genesis 1 and2 we see this beautiful picture of God creating the world of God creating the man first you see the male come on the scene and then you see God giving the man he’s fully sexual he is a full grown man he’s not a child he’s not a baby he is a 100% full grown man with all the parts like God made him that way that’s how he came into this world he was fully sexual abilities yes everything but he was alone and while he was alone God gives him responsibilities God is setting up some of these beautiful complimentary gender distinctions we see this in Genesis it’s a beautiful thing God G over or under do they mention Adam’s first wife giving him roles responsibilities helping him learn how to be a leader how to embrace that rightly and then God brings along this woman who is a full-grown woman she comes from the man right from the rib it’s incredible she’s part of him that symbolizes that Unity that they have that Oneness like she literally came from his body she is fully woman she is not a child she is not an adolescent she is a full- grown woman with all the hormones all the estrogen all of the sex drive all of that she’s fully woman fully developed and I’m sure Adam was just like whoa this is a good day when she came on the scene so here you have two let me just read it because it’s Genesis 2:23 this is what he says he says this is now bone of my bones and Flesh of My Flesh she shall be called woman for she was taken from the man and then the two verses let me just read these real quick and then you keep going but Genesis 2 um 24 says that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is United to his wife and they become one flesh speaking of togetherness they are united they are sexually together they are one um Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame like y’all this is in the Bible like this is the very beginning this is before there was any sin God is saying that they become one flesh they’re both naked there’s no shame like this beautiful sexual relationship even before the fall like that’s crazy that sex was a part of God’s good design for his perfect creation yes it wasn’t something that came after the fall like okay now you’re sexual beings and it’s this dirty bad thing that happened after sin entered the world no it was there and in fact it was the most beautiful perfect version of sex that the world has ever known because it wasn’t distorted by sin there was I feel like I just have not said anything in four minutes it’s been two if I sit here and try and dissect everything they say about the Bible just from what I remember we’re going to be here forever I don’t think there’s anything wrong in using the Bible for a guide for your own morality but it should stop there I I just generally don’t like how they talk about the Bible like their interpretation is fact which I think I’m going to end up saying over and over again if I stop every time they bring up their interpretation of the Bible I’m asking myself questions that are not going to be answered in this video there was no impact of sin on their relationship yet there was no shame there was no deceptiveness there was no like they were 100% vulnerable and intimate and open and it was beautiful and perfect in every way and oh man I think every married woman would say wow Amen to that like I wish we could go back to that place but we can’t and one day God will restore and make all things new but so here we have it Adam and Eve this perfect beautiful relationship completely sexual and like you said it was a part of God’s original design be fruitful and multiply you know they were naked and unashamed like they were intimate they were one like this is a picture of sex and it’s such a beautiful thing and we see what God is doing here he didn’t just throw sex into the world give us all sex drives make us sexual and then be like figure it out like just whatever you’re you almost animalistic like just follow your sex drive to its end no God actually had beautiful parameters beautiful boundaries a beautiful setting a place where sex could Thrive you know just like a fish thrives in water you take it out it struggles and then eventually does it make it it’s like sex is set within a beautiful parameter where God is saying are you’re going to die from sex that seems like a a bit from a thousand ways to die like somebody had a heart attack during the hard part about having a conversation outside of what it is that they’re saying is that every time they have an idea it brings up so many different questions where ideas I have that have nothing to do with this right because the way they speak of sex just forces it out of casual enjoyment and even like committed enjoyment because it has to be done within marriage between you and one person you’re going to be with forever so it stops you from like discovering yourself and learning how to be safe growing up and into it and instead it’s like once you’re married everything else just kind of works out which is not true religious people like them are going to interpret the Bible and what way works best for them it’s not the Bible says do and do not so I do and do not it’s I did and I’m going to justify it with the use of the Bible the Bible needs an update dude like throw skibby in there and Jesus said unto his followers you are all my squa word at some point he tells Abraham to sacrifice his son as a test and Abraham’s like all right sure and he’s like I was joking I was joking I was joking all right stop cut off that skin though it’s just a prank bro there’s a camera right there imagine Ashton kusher comes out you’re getting punked that’s insane none of this is going in the video I we just what are we doing this is where this beautiful intimate most vulnerable act that you would ever have as a human this nakedness this is its place to thrive in a relationship between a husband and wife in this Covenant this lifelong un Union between a man and a woman something else that has become very confused in our society today we see God clearing up so much of the confusion right there in Genesis 1 and2 giving us this picture and so that is the framework for all of us as Christian women to say Okay God had a plan God had a purpose God isn’t holding out on me in singleness God isn’t trying to withhold pleasure from me on purpose because he wants to punish me or squash me he didn’t give me the sex drive and then say it’s only for marriage because he hates me I said this last time and I know that’s not what she’s going on about but it must be exhausting to live your life pretending you’re a consequence of God it must so maybe maybe it’s a little freeing I don’t know but it must be so tiring to be like if God wants it to happen it will if God wants me to be single then I guess I’m just going to be single my whole life because it’s what God wants Michael said something God would be such a big YouTuber today that would be really funny guys I’m filming a prank today guys my friend job yeah I’m going to take his wife his house all of his animals and see if he still wants to be friends with me dude it’s only for marriage because he hates me like no God designed all of us to sexual beings and then had a plan and purpose so that in marriage it would draw a husband and wife together it would become a celebration of that Covenant it would become an act that unifies the husband and wife something that brings them together something that can also create children a beautiful gift within marriage family like so many blessings so many gifts so much intentionality but you see when you take sex outside of marriage you rip it out of that Covenant you rip it out of that Union you rip it out of that place for intimacy for vulnerability for family for all these things that is when so much of the Brokenness so much of the confusion so much of the heartache so much of the sin the impact that is when it happens and so as Christian women we need to get this framework right that God is a good god a good father and he plans things intentionally on purpose for our good and for our thriving and for his glory and so getting back to this picture and saying God I trust you I believe you help me to understand more about this design and to uphold the beauty of your design that you created it’s interesting because although a lot of our world doesn’t acknowledge God his design um what do you mean by a lot I remember and this is not me ragging on Christians dude believe what you want to believe like I I made my opinions pretty clear right you should do what it is that makes you feel good about yourself just don’t hurt other people I remember meeting a woman in Minnesota who said to me I am unique because I have a relationship with God and I didn’t say anything to her because I understand you know not to just be a dick sometimes but like brother that’s What Makes You unique more than half the world believes in God more than half the world believes in a God and you think being one of those makes you unique is like a weird thing to say like we are all image bears and we are his creation whether we acknowledge it or not and so I the like a few months ago I was like you know I want to hear like for Christian I mean not for Christian for secular women women who don’t do not acknowledge God who do not hold to any specific religion or anything what are the experts in that realm saying about intimacy and and who are you know how to find sexual stat satisfaction so I listen to an insanely popular podcast for women and it’s one of like it’s just a very very popular podcast and the reason I chose it is because she had a a female sex therapist on and so I was like I just want to hear this conversation and hear what kind of questions um non-religious women are asking and what advice this secular sex therapist is giving and what was super fascinating is that one secular women are asking very much the same questions that um Christian women are asking but the advice that this surprise women are asking the same things about their body I think the argument actually does go back to I am unique because I have a relationship with God I’m unique because I believe in a god therefore my thoughts my feelings my ideas are unique to my religion and I just wish that you would understand the world around you is so much more similar to you and not all of your ideas actually have to do with your religion like oh you’re telling me non-religious people get married that’s wild she said something something like that in the last last one and I can’t remember what it was I’m surprised to learn that people who don’t practice religion also love each other like I thought we were the only ones that could love it was about sex last time was it not last time she said that we as Christians should be having the best sex because it’s within our marriage or whatever and it’s like you guys don’t even know how to have an orgasm yourself let alone give one to someone else chill SEC secular sex therapist gave she was saying that truly the best sex the best intimacy happens when you are in a long-term committed relationship ship she didn’t say marriage but she just said when you’re in a long-term committed relationship where you can communicate where you can feel safe where you can feel free to grow and to express and I’m like they you know they’re not putting that in the context of marriage they’re just saying like a you know a safe committed relationship but like whoa where did that come from like why is that where sexual intimacy thrives and grows and women feel free to express themselves and and you know blossom in their sexuality it’s because God designed it that way no no no no no no no they went there like again everything they have to say is going to go all the way back to because God I don’t have to explain it the whole explanation is because God let’s put this together women enjoy sex more with someone they’ve been with longer in a relationship where communication is open and they get to know each other in their bodies better why is that God I feel bad for these people because they’ve had this is going to suck to say and this is not a joke do not come at me like Max I can’t believe you saying that in the comments chill I I mean this it must really suck to have more children than orgasms and to think that is what God wanted for you like you just said back in Genesis God has a good design so as much as we try to pull away from that as a world and kind of like as a society it’s amazing that the experts out there apart from pointing to God are saying hey in a committed relationship this is where sex thrives and they’re they’re advising secular women saying hey if you want to be be a sexually thriving woman you need to be in a committed relationship I secular women does not equate to women who sleep around like those are entirely different things there are plenty of people who sleep with multiple people and are religious there are plenty of people who aren’t like those are not the same thing and I hate that she does that so often like you could be like murder is wrong and she could be like right because it says in the Bible like her entire sense of self- immorality go through a book that has been written and Rewritten so many times if you were as good of a Christian as they think they are wouldn’t you learn in Hebrew wouldn’t you want to read the Bible in its like earliest form that you can get it if you’re as good of a Christian as they think they are wouldn’t you want to get as close to the literal definitions of everything as you can it’s still been Rewritten but at least at that point it’s not translated yeah summon a demon just asked questions all right thank God you’re here all right can I masturbate and it’s it’s a demon in the shape of a T-Rex and they’re like uh I can’t getting close to God in a way that would actually be close to God and not just in a way that allows you to feel better about yourself and seek attention from others is definitely way too much work do you think a vibrator to them Michael is like a cucumber to a cat is that what you’re saying to me have you never seen a cucumber and a cat cats think cucumbers are snakes and so they like jump up really high I just thought that was crazy that so much our world points back to God even if we don’t acknowledge Him you know I’m sorry that just hurts everything everything they say just we can take literally anything and make it about anything else and that’s what they’re doing with God I can make everything point back to a whale if I tried hard enough if God didn’t want us having sex it would just be a regular back whale if God wanted the gates who exist it would be a brokeback whale we got there high five I can’t believe Lee doesn’t think I’m funny I love when secular theories secular therapists or science when it completely backs up God’s design which happens again and again cuz it just shows like God knew he was doing he has a plan so this backs the question if sex it must be so nice to just be I’m not going to say dumb listen they’re smart enough to monetize all of this I’m sure they’ve made a good amount of money but it must be so free to just be like God because or not because of God you think they’re like sitting at home watching the Super Bowl going God is just testing the Chiefs Patrick Mahomes Britney and Trump will be back next year this backs the question if sex is designed for marriage there are all sorts of other sexual acts sexuality so maybe moving into this conversation about how one how seriously God takes this because he one one thing that we didn’t touch on God takes this very seriously because sex isn’t just about the pleasure the Covenant of marriage it is actually an Earthly representation of God’s relationship with his people with his church God gave us marriage the Covenant between a man and a woman and then sexual intimacy to be a reflection it’s a metaphor we see this in Ephesians 5 of an Earthly picture for humans to look at and say it’s a broken picture on her phone every time every time this one is talking the other one is on her phone we’re going yep because of sin but it is it is giving us a glimpse of what God’s relationship is like with his church of the husband reflecting Christ the groom the wife is the reflection of Christ Church the bride and sexual intimacy is a picture of the deep knowing the yadada we’ve talked about that word it means a deep knowing of someone else and that is a word that God uses in scripture to talk about the keep knowing that he wants to have with his children in oh I forgot their whole thing was be a good Christian so you could have sex with Jesus one day oh I forgot about that no Max I’m not making that joke that one’s too far if Jesus died a virgin it was by choice but not his like I guarantee you he was going around being like yeah I’m a carpenter I know how to work my wood it’s not sexual at all when it comes to God and us it’s a deep knowing an intimacy relationally that God is saying I love you i s my son to die for you he is coming back for the church to redeem things once and for all and marriage is an Earthly representation to constantly remind us of that Covenant keeping God that God who says I love you so much I pursued you um dude that’s so stupid that is so stupid this is not going in the video so I need you to listen eye contact do you think Jesus a vision like That’s So Raven oh that’s so stupid Max oh why would you say that that God who says I love you so much I pursued you um I am in Covenant with my church it is a promise that I will never break that is what marriage is supposed to represent reflecting that Covenant that God has with his people and so that is why God takes it so seriously that is why in scripture you might feel like wow God is awfully you know heavy-handed when it comes to verses about sexual immorality or you know keeping the marriage bed Pure or like you know things like that like I’m just you know single is it really that big of a deal if I mess around you know if I act out sexually in my singleness like it’s not really hurting anyone well that’s because we’re missing this bigger picture that it’s it’s a representation of a covenant of God’s relationship to his church and so God is very protective of that it’s a very holy thing it’s something that God wants us to get right because it matters so much it actually reflects on the gospel right like it’s if we have a distorted view of sexuality we’re probably going to have a distorted understanding of the gospel because it’s all inter connected and so God is not heavy-handed in the sense that he doesn’t want us to experience Joy he wants us to understand how awesome this Covenant is the greater picture that it represents that’s why he wants us to uphold it in honor in reverence to uphold it in Holiness because of what it reflects that’s why verses like Hebrews 13:4 say let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous and what God is saying here is it marriage is such an honorable thing because what it represents that can be interpreted in like so many different ways and I think the easiest interpretation one that you should probably just go with is should we when saying do not be immoral with sex say don’t have sex outside of marriage or should we say don’t have sex in a way that makes it dangerous and it just seems so extreme to be like only do it in marriage but the people yelling at are the people who’ve been divorced six times and the people who cheated on four of those spouses let the marriage bed be undefiled like there should be no defiling of that Covenant of that relationship between that man and that woman and God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous because when we’re when we commit adultery in marriage it is like we are we’re basically painting a wrong picture of God’s faithfulness and Covenant with us right like in adultery just as if we as a church if we strayed and started worshiping Idols we rejected the one true God and we started worshiping other false gods that would be committing adultery against God and so God is saying marriage if you commit adultery it’s like that same picture of the church turning its back God rejecting God and so that’s why God takes this so seriously because of the greater picture it represents and so I think as we move into talking about this for single women it’s very important that we understand God’s call for sexual Holiness for Purity is because he wants us to uphold and have such a deep reverence for the gospel for who God is and what that marriage and sexual act within marriage every time she goes yeah uh yeah like the other one because she cannot listen just like hurt and in our book that is a book for single or married women to really help you fully understand this beautiful God given um you know picture of sexuality why he created you as a sexual being wrong mindsets to get rid of um and just really you know really understand it rightly oh yeah like wanting these people to be anything other than problematic because of their religion is just asking too much like they have a whole video titled men can’t menstruate which like if they’ put the word biological in there right I don’t think anyone would have cared but like part of their whole thing is we are good Godly women so our opinions on trans people on gay people on whatever are going to just be correct and you can deal with them which is stupid I’m sure they have a very sad idea on what people’s relationship with God should look like and it should look like theirs and you should also have the same ideas that they have you should interpret everything the same way that they do it should all just be uniform otherwise you’re not a good Godly Christian we say you can live without sex but you can’t live without yadada basically true intimacy with God and that’s the reality think of Jesus our savior he came to this world fully God fully man and he was not married he did not have sex which sounds weird to say like when you’re talking about Jesus but we have a completely different thought there but I’m going to let you have yours what a bear that’s the reality though he had a body he had a fully male body but he was able to have that intimate relationship with God I stream on Twitch I know too many 33 year olds I know too many people who have made it to 33 without having sex he was not special you stop oh he’s special because nobody wanted him for his entire life damn well then I’m special too I don’t have friends God nonsexual but like that deep all knowing he came to do the will of his father he was you know prayerful and in tune God what do you want from me he had that deep communal relationship with God and that is picture of what we all need as humans um you know we could be that’s why you will see people who uh great missionaries in the past you know where they were like you know trapped in some jail they obviously clearly weren’t you know having sex but they had they they were able to maintain a deep all- knowing relationship with God and still somehow had joy and purpose in those difficult times and the reason is because our deepest Soul need as humans I don’t think it’s that big of a deal I also think that that’s one of those things that people are going to believe if Jesus came back and he was like by the way I’ve had sex it would not change most of their minds it’s not what Hollywood tells us it’s not that okay if you can just grab that hunk and have the best sex of your life you’re going to be satisfied no there are a lot of people in Hollywood having all sorts of sex and there are a lot of people that areally unsatisfied same there are a lot of people around the world having a lot of sex and there are people having it within and out of their marriages and a lot of those people are unsatisfied I think if you were having really great sex who wouldn’t sit here going you can have it in marriage you can I’m pretty sure you can that’s what God Said all right I’ll let you know but I I think I think you can in the world you know there think about um our own selves you know you can you can be masturbated doing all the things but why is there such dissatisfaction it’s because that is not the deepest longing of our heart yes we are sexual beings and that is a beautiful thing but the the deepest need of our heart is a deep all knowing raw authentic relationship with Christ where we know him and he knows us and we aren’t you know he he sees all things but we aren’t like trying to keep things from him I really like these aren’t even jokes dude I don’t like that if she is having a good time during she’s going oh Jesus or oh God unironically because that’s what she’s picturing she’s like this is not sex with my husband this is sex with Jesus is to sex with God which is such a weird idea to have in general like oh I’m such a good Christian that when I get to heaven I will be allowed to sleep with my savior that is wild and I’m pretty sure that’s how Colts happened and we aren’t trying to hide we aren’t trying to live in that shame we’re saying God thank you for sending your son for me I want to know you I want to do your will and it’s crazy that you could live your entire life single you could live your entire life without ever having sex and truly live a purposeful meaningful life and this ties in a little bit to my story I know Kristen you shared a little bit of um some of your singleness and for me I you know I thought well oh I can save sex for marriage because I’ll probably get married 2021 22 I ended up getting married at 30 and so I had some not oh brother not the 30 part get married whenever you feel like you’re ready but I hate that I repeat myself so much but I do not expect people to watch every single video and so I’ve said this in a past video you need to stop getting married because you want to have sex like at this point the church should like put pamphlets out at the front that say that you need to stop marrying people for the sake of having sex with them because too many of you are trying to get married at 20 21 19 18 because you need to have sex and it’s a sin to do it outside of marriage I’m gonna ask you which one you think is worse having sex with someone you’re not married to or marrying them at 20 realizing at 22 you’re not compatible and then divorcing divorce is divorce you get divorced for whatever reason you want it has nothing to do with anyone else that’s fine it’s normal it happens but consider just sleeping with someone dude just sleep with them if you want to know what sex is like do it you don’t have to get married and then just so many people are just are getting married too young and it happens bro but like ah why why is this thing why do you want to have sex with somebody so bad that you’ll get married for it what if it’s not enjoyable what if they refuse to listen to you there’s so much shame embedded in these religions just with the idea of sex that the idea of talking about it after is so much worse the idea of being like Oh can you do this instead can you do this better oh maybe what if we is not going to happen if you’re already so uncomfortable with the idea of having sex itself yeah I mean religion is religion and it sucks because sometimes you feel like you have to identify with a religion because you agree with a lot of it but I think you should be able to just say this is who I am and if you’re like I’m Hindu I’m Christian I’m confucious whatever right it shouldn’t mean that you are stuck to the idea of everything you interpret your religion as is fact and that’s who these people are I’m Christian so everything I interpret out of the Bible is fact which is an entirely separate problem to not only take somebody else’s word but to change it so that it fits your life and then to say I’m Christian they said that instead of this is how I interpreted what they said and it being completely wrong I’ll say this now and there’s no way that many people get this far in the video I if you want to tell me that I don’t get to have an opinion about religion or your religion okay I’m just going to ND my head of it but I think generally you should be a good person or at the very least try to be one and that’s where I am if you ask me whether or not I think I’m a good person I’m going to say no I do not think that I am but I think that in every situation where I’m given a choice I try to make the right one the one that would be the one done by good people I don’t need religion to tell me to do that I don’t need the idea of going to hell to say maybe we shouldn’t try and hurt other people and I think you need to stop living your life the way that you think the Bible is telling you to do so and you should live your life in the way that’s best for you and hope that that aligns with your morals I ended up getting married at 30 and so I had some not you know I know there are people who have been single a lot longer than me but for each of us it’s like okay what what am I going to do with these extra single years and I will tell you it was hard for a while when your friends are getting married and you’re like wow maybe I’m never going to get to experience this gift of intimacy this gift of sex with a man and you know we’re like those like please God don’t let the Rapture come don’t have the second return until I can get married you know we all have those prayers I know I wasn’t the only one like I mean it’s gon to be great to be in heaven but can I please get married first you know like we all do that um and so for me it was coming to this place of God like I know you’re a good they think they are just so much more relatable than they are we’re Allin until 30 am I right all of you guys are so maybe they are relatable and I’m just a hater God and I know you have a good plan for my life so if you do not have marriage in my future can I live a purposeful like thriving life and I’m going to tell you it took some work it took some you know intentional mentorship with Godly women I had to really dig into the word and evaluate my heart and really grow in this area but I I came to this point where I was able to say you know God if you do have me single for the rest of my life I can thrive in this season and I’m telling you I know for some of you you’re thinking like that’s impossible like I do not want that like please don’t even speak those words um but it is possible and I’m telling you the last few years of my singleness I look back with so much joy and so much like I loved those years of my life uh because I had really entered into this place of saying God I’m here to live for you and I’m gon to embrace these single years with the benefits that come with singleness like a lot of schedule flexibility being able to kind of pick up and just go and do you know a trip or travel or invest in ways into wait yes I understand that but wouldn’t you in this situation want to do all that with your partner like oh darn I’m so glad that I don’t have a partner so that I could travel I think a lot of people don’t want to do stuff like that alone and to other people that I haven’t you can you know like marriage and singleness is different and there are um differences that single women can Embrace that are harder for married women and so entering into that and saying wow how can I use my life my time my body in ways that are glorifying to you but that are fully thriving in this season um and so I just want to encourage you it is possible um not in your own strength you have to really really you know dig deep into your relationship with Christ spending time with him getting mentors um really filling your mind with truth um and getting discipled by Godly women being in a community within your church those are the things that are going to really help you in that direction but that’s just a word of Hope to know that all came down to just if you don’t want to worry about having sex if you don’t want to have this like overwhelming daily anxiety about being just stay busy they’re going to tell you to do it through church I’m going to tell you to find a hobby that you enjoy are single women who have never had sex and who are fully thriving in their you know relationship with Christ so I just hope that encourages you a little bit I’m sure a lot of single women who are listening are feeling encouraged by that hopeful picture of like wow that is where I want to get but I am guessing a lot of them just like I was for many years are not in that place yet and they’re in that place of struggle they’re in that place of even wrestling with like well you know masturbation seems like a great way to have a sexual release in my singleness um I know marriage isn’t anywhere on the horizon soon I see this bigger picture of God’s design for sex and marriage it’s beautiful I want to re you know I want to have reverence and respect and uphold that pursue that you know but I’m not there yet and I have a very strong strong sex drive and I’m struggling and it’s something that I just feel like I can’t break free from and so I think this would be a great time to talk specifically to single women who are in that place of struggle and who are even questioning like if it’s really a big deal or not like I’ve heard I’ve heard this from many single women I even thought this myself for many years like you know I know this isn’t okay listen I say I don’t have friends I don’t have friends I have too many people who think I’m their friend so they tell me too much stop it I didn’t ask that being said I know too much about some of you people I know plenty of people who are into their 20s mid 20s late 20s and have either not had sex in a decade or never had sex at all and they do not think this hard about it dude some of them are kind of like yeah you it be nice but that’s it they move on they turn on their twitch stream and they shiny hunt that could be so many different people you’ll never know I know and I don’t want to know if you want to have sex consider just having sex if you want to go DJ go DJ girl only person that’s going to judge you is your sister now it’s at you and at you you’ll be fine I even thought this myself for many years like you know I know this isn’t the best like I know it’s very lustfield fantasy driven I don’t think what’s happening is really honoring to God or his Covenant for marriage this like sexual act of Master ation but is it really hurting anyone like is it really that big of a deal does God really care that much and so I just want to speak to women who single women specifically who are in that place because I can relate I remember thinking so many of those same things and like I said earlier I think for me I didn’t have that bigger framework I wasn’t operating from that bigger framework of what is God’s design for sex and I kind of viewed masturbation as like a separate act like you know it’s just like you know it’s just orgasm like it’s really not that big of a deal but it wasn’t until I really understood like the Holiness of marriage the like the intentionality of marriage how much respect and reverence God had for it and how although masturbation has never mentioned in the Bible I think we could all agree that it is a sexual act I wasn’t going to I was actually going to make a joke of being about like do you think she had one of those moments where she’s like staring at her hand and goes oh what have I done but then that hit me we introduce your reproductive organs into this conversation and then we have to introduce whether or not they are inherently sexual are they used for that yeah but like that could be anything else right there are plenty of parts of you that are used for sex that are inherently sexual is masturbation inherently sexual when there are plenty of people who do not have a sex drive who still do it because it feels good so I guess it can be and I don’t think it has to be is what I guess I’m getting at I think if you consider it one when you’re doing it yourself then it is and I think that’s fine for her to say but that’s entirely different than being like it is period I think we could all agree that it is a sexual act I don’t really think there’s any other category you can draw masturbation in that it would fit other than the fact that it is a sexual act right I mean you are stimulating your genitals as a single person for orgasm and so as we think about this and as we think about this act orgasm itself is also something that I don’t think has to be sexual right because uh I don’t think sperm donation has to be it’s just words I think we could find our way in and out of this in whatever way we want and I’m never going to convince her she’s never going to convince me that we’re leaning into although it feels so natural it feels like it’s just such a natural expression of our sex drive like I get that 100% we really have to ask these questions not is it a sin is it not I don’t see this word in the Bible so it’s not a big deal but these are some of the questions that we POS in our PDF resource that we created finding freedom from masturbation that just released last week last week and these are the questions that we should be asking questions I wish I had known to ask earlier in my struggle as a single woman one is masturbation in line with God’s design and purpose for sex and intimacy and like we’ve talked about sex and intimacy were created for marriage it wasn’t a random act that God gave to all people it was a celebration of Covenant that God gave for a husband and wife that is where sex was that’s where God placed it that was his choice and so as we engage in masturbation stimulating our genitals to orgasm is that in line with God’s purpose and plan as we see in scripture we have to be really honest about about she’s also now driving away from the definition she read earlier because earlier said especially with the drive towards orgasm and now she’s like but when you’re stimulating yourself to orgasm so like you got to pick one girl answering this question and then number two say just to jump in it’s not just saying the I think it’s like most of the time at least from women I’ve talked to it’s connected to what the mind is doing as well so I think it’s like link those two together like what is your mind doing from most women we’ve heard of it’s a fantasizing about someone that is not their spouse as their master or watching porn in conjunction with it yeah and sadly our society has taken I have to ask Lee questions now such a hard turn toward embracing all things pornography erotica we are told as women it’s completely normal this is absolutely natural to embrace your sex drive in this way to orgasm watching porn reading erotica looking at very sexualized pictures um that is all very nor over or under at least one of them has read the atatar series right that’s what it’s called one of them has to have not the one that listens bad this one this one has it all on audiobook normalized in our society so it I can understand why it might feel like wow this seems extreme but as Christians we have to remember that we are not called to do things according to the world we’re called to be set apart we’re called to pursue Christ and His glory and to embrace God’s design and his plan and let’s remember those studies that Bethany mentioned earlier ultimately even the world oftentimes comes around to realizing that God’s way is the better way even though they don’t say it’s God’s design they start living in accordance to it because God’s design is one of order it’s one that helps us Thrive dude that’s again it’s so stupid what they’re saying is God’s design made it so that you breathe do you breathe yes so then you’re a child of God bring him glory whether we even realize it or not his ways are always right always good so yes the mind and the body are very connected for me 100% that was true I could not masturbate without having some sort of lustful sexual fantasy going on in my mind like 100% true for me and I know as I’ve talked to women I don’t think I’ve ever met one that’s like no I just I read scripture and masturbate and it’s great like I don’t really think that’s happening you know I think she’s doing the thing that religious people tend to do where she’s like this is my experience so it’s the World Experience whereas I’m how many of us had some sort of camp counselor once who was like I’m super religious because I was addicted to porn and they’re like we all get into it right we’re all addicted to porn at some point well the way I got out was uh you know believ in God and it’s just like I don’t think that’s a universal experience bro I don’t really think that’s happening you know so asking these questions is so important um is masturbation an authentic expression of sexual pleasure within marriage and as single women we’re not even married right so there’s no way that we can that we can masturbate within a marital relationship to even enjoy pleasure with our spouse there’s no spouse so there’s no intimacy it’s just a solo act of us pursu pursuing pleasure for ourselves so it cannot be an authentic expression of sexual pleasure within marriage because there’s no marriage and then lastly does masturbation help me pursue a heart of Purity before God I know for myself like I said that it it was not helping me it was not helping me pursue Holiness Purity even it wasn’t helping me pursue satisfaction in my singleness of God you’ve given me this sex drive but how can I use my energy my body for your good to serve other For Your Glory and in our PDF guide we break down eight very practical steps that you can take that personally helped me on my journey to eventually finding freedom in my singleness I did reach a place where I I was able to conquer that sin and I want I hope that’s hopeful for you in your singleness to think okay it is possible to get to a place where you can have Victory it doesn’t have to be a forever struggle but it’s so important that we get back to the basics of the framework of our understanding of marriage of sexual intimacy what honor this would be such a good time to have a blessed sponsorship what doesn’t um Purity Holiness in our mind and then even our bodies and our sex drive and learning how to take all of that pent up energy that we feel like we’re just going to explode like learning how to take that energy and pursue good things for others I know you mentioned Bethany in your singleness as the more you looked outward the more you poured into others serving looked for ways to bless people um even for me practical things like exercise very helpful like I’ve got all this pent up sex drive like okay I don’t just have to sit here and cry about it like I can go run you know I can go do like a little weight workout or something to just like exert some energy so she does kles with the Tik Tock lady and I do too I do a lot of kles so just thinking of your body being in tune with your body and I know Bethany you’ve talked a lot about this just on your own Instagram account of like as single women understanding our sex drive but Understanding God’s call and then saying okay I’ve got all this pent up energy how can I use this to serve others to be aware of what’s going on in my body um but to exert this energy in a way that’s going to be god-honoring yeah I think that’s huge because we don’t want to become at war with our body like God created us with bodies just like I talked about his you know death and Resurrection wouldn’t have been possible without his body so the body is important the body is valuable I love the work that Nancy piery has done even in her book love thy body um we’ve had her on the podcasts um Dr Julie Slattery she’s written a book um sex and the single girl we had her on the podcast we have an episode she also kind of talks about this stuff but it’s not becoming at war with your body and saying okay be because I struggle with masturbation I just want to disassociate from my body and then one day when I get married I just need to turn the switch and say okay not my body is a good thing like don’t view your body as the enemy view it as something that beautiful that God gave you that you can use in the right context right now they skip over what should be the important parts of conversation in this topic and it should be you should know what it is that you want so that you and your partner can experience that communication that they talked about earlier when she was was like oh she wasn’t talking about marriage but she said Communication in sex so she must mean marriage a Christian marriage brother I got to tell you people who do not have sex at all before marriage are probably a little bit behind people who do in terms of what they like and what they want out of their partner in that situation that’s just what that is I’m not saying you should or you shouldn’t you should do what you want to do and not just listen to people who are going to tell you to do what they did or people like her like I I masturbated so much and you know like it just wasn’t the right thing to do so then I got married so you shouldn’t masturbate it’s like dog if you want to do it do it I don’t know how you have to think this hard about it if God didn’t want you to masturbate he would have given you T-Rex arms like Michael said earlier if you wouldn’t be able to reach it then you would know oh okay yeah cool so like Kristen mentioned exercising can be such a beautiful thing and I would encourage you sometimes take off the headphones don’t listen to music like exercise and notice what your body’s doing like feeling your muscles feeling how you know the sweat feels on your skin stuff like that can really help you to see the beauty and how God these people are so self-absorbed that if they did that they would turn themselves on and then they have to masturbate if like people like her just sat there and went oh my muscles oh my sweat oh where is his hand going no bad then they like that they hit themselves created your body and not make it the enemy so when I was single I decided to to train for a marathon which was very extreme um but it really it was such a great it happens it happens every woman ever has at some point said they’re going to run a marathon it’s like men and saying we’re going to move out into the middle of the woods it just happens men are like I’m going to go live out in the cabin in the middle of the woods and be alone and women are like I can run a marathon if you’re NB you pick one goal and such a great use of my body and I had the time as a single woman to train for that so like Kristen mentioned exercise that’s a great thing that you can do another great thing God designed Us in um to enjoy um and to appreciate physical contact in nonsexual ways so you know if you’re someone who has a really good friends or you come from a big family um just those hugs can release great hormones and it’s you know studies show that you know we should have so many hugs in our day just on in a non-sexual way so making sure that you’re in community if you don’t have family around where you have that nonsexual physical touch even like volunteering in the nursery at your church something like where you are able to have or even getting a pet I mean there are literally like ways that you can have that connection um to other living beings that is completely nonsexual but really helps you to embrace um God’s good design for just connection with others and so practically looking at your life and saying are there things that are missing I mean I would say uh Dr Julie slaughtery mentioned this she said boredom is a huge reason for single women that they can end up getting into this place of struggling with masturbation because they just don’t have enough going on in their life they don’t have enough purpose they don’t have again you don’t have to do it in church just find a hobby you should find something that you enjoy doing as nothing to do with God or masturbation just go find a hobby everyone should have something enough to think about and so they just kind of end up defaulting at night into masturbation and so making sure that your life has a lot of purpose that you have direction that you have a lot going on in a good way you know that like I said getting involved in your church getting involved in singles groups serving um making sure that you have a good meaningful job work to do like we were created for all of that um and I think the more that you can aim your life towards good things the easier it’s going to be to put off those sinful habits and we’re not going to be able to get into all the Practical strategies in this podcast you can go back and listen to Kristen’s story um we’ll link it below you can just search on our podcast masturbation we have another episode but then I would really encourage you if you are someone you’re saying yes I am a single woman or a married woman who is struggling with this lust filled fantasy driven like apart from a covenant you know marriage apart from my spouse um I I need some help I need some freedom I definitely recommend grabbing the guide that is for sure for you but I do want to have a quick word to the married women Kristen we promised them we would talk today so’ve married women here we are yes well married women fall in such a different Camp because you fall within the category of people who are within a covenant relationship where sexual intimacy is not only encouraged in the Bible but it’s celebrated it’s right and good we have an entire book called The Song of Solomon which I know most of us are aware of where it is a beautiful book highlighting the sexual intimacy between a husband and wife painting this incredible picture of intimacy a pleasure of arousal of pursuing of all of the body parts like it is a very explicit very beautiful picture of sexual intimacy in marriage and so as married women we fall in this camp where you will not convince me that the other one does not have like something playing like a little Netflix or Hulu player in the corner that she can just stare at while this one’s talking sex is a good where it is something we can Embrace where we can pursue but also because of sin I know that impacts so much of our our sex life even in marriage and there’s a lot that we need to work through as husband and wife and different desires struggles things from the past and so I know in marriage it’s not like it’s all just cut and dry black and white like go for it but something that I think that Bethany you also talk a lot about is that in marriage I think so often we place a lot of extra boundaries on what would be considered okay or what would even be considered Godly within our marital relationship and often times these boundaries these restrictions they’re coming from extra Biblical teaching like it’s not even things that we see in scripture it’s just things that maybe we’ve heard from other Christians or we’ve been raised in a certain line of thinking and so we get older and we feel very trapped almost like okay it’s like Purity Purity Purity before marriage and then you get married and it’s like anything goes but like H is everything really okay I don’t know how to navigate this there can be a lot of Shame a lot of Confusion And so I think as Christian women we need to recognize that we we should not add more boundaries than what scripture gives us for our marital relationship that in a marital relationship it should be as we see in Scripture that it is a man and a woman in a loving committed Covenant marriage both pursuing one another in love and that sexual intimacy should be a beautiful place of exploration of pleasure where the focus of each spouse is to serve one another when selfishness and sin demands manipulation when like that enter the marriage covenant that is not a beautiful expression of sex and I think we just need to acknowledge that there are unbiblical sinful ways to pursue in a marriage to pursue sex that are not in line with God’s heart for love for kindness for serving one another for selflessness like those are all like characteristics of Love That should also be on full display in our marriage B it should be this Mutual giving and receiving of enjoying pleasure of giving pleasure with one another and I know we a lot of questions a lot of DMS Bethy from married women who were saying well I’m I don’t understand like what about masturbation in marriage specifically so addressing some of the DMS that we got and and specifically addressing we I’ll have our own Instagrams Twitter’s YouTube channels you’re allowed to sit here and state your opinions oh brother but you got to stop asking people like this for advice what do you think if you’re one of these married women supposedly asking one of these people for advice what do you think what do you think what do you want confirmed the thing about specifically people like this masturbating within their marriages is it’s one of a couple of things one either it’s something you do with your partner or it’s exact opposite so why would you do it alone your partner is probably not good at it if you’re having sex for the first time after you’re married with this person and it’s their first time too they’re probably not good at it we talked about that earlier or are you someone who wants to do wants to have multiple orgasms in a day and so your partners aren’t always there and so you’re like I’ll just take care of it I’ll just play DJ Hero and you should just do whatever you want dog really if this is what you believe if you believe in a God in the heaven and a Jesus and you have been a good person and you just masturbate a lot I don’t think you’re going to get up to heaven and God’s going to go we already have a DJ and it’s DJ khed just DJ khaled’s not going to happen if there’s a reason for going to hell it’s for not going down on your wife you do not go down on your wife you’re going down in your life that was so stupid true but stupid like I did not have to say that or that way but I do believe it and you know what if you do go down on your wife but you’re bad at it still hell so shut up put your shame aside and do something about it watch tutorial if you have to masturbation in marriage is something that we’ve never fully talked about yes so I think that’s where the definition that you mentioned at the beginning gets a little bit um uh confusing when you get married because I would say that that definition is a great definition for our single women but when you get married um there is you know it’s really like a a team act you know it’s like you are in this together and that’s I love how you said we shouldn’t okay but that’s so funny imagine like you’re in the middle of sex and your partner’s just not doing it for you so you’re like tag me in and you take care of yourself it works right add things to a team act you know it’s like you are in this together and that’s I love how you said we shouldn’t add things to scripture because I you know I had a friend who messaged me and said that you know one of her mom’s pieces of advice to her before she got married was you can have fun but just make sure you don’t have too much fun like somehow having too much fun why are all of your friends messaging you about sex dude like that’s kind of a lot fun sexually with your husband is like crossing a line and I’m sure you have heard things and so one of my favorites Francy Winslow she runs the podcast heaven in your home highly recommend if you’re married but she encouraged us to ask us ask the question who told you that and it’s basically like if you have a question about something within your marriage like you know this is specifically for married women so I’m going to be a little bit blunt here if you’re sing the problem with asking people specifically like them who told you that is that they go God God said that it’s in the scripture the scripture says bro take your hand out your pants stop that I don’t like that why are you still going you know this is specifically for married women so I’m going to be a little bit blunt here if you’re single you can kind of like pass over this part we don’t want to encourage any um further struggle so maybe just skip the next five minutes uh but for married women it’s questions like is oral okay um is it okay for me to um help stimulate myself while my husband and I are together things like that and in what I see in scripture there is no boundary against those things the scripture is very clear that things like fornication having sex outside of marriage adultery having sex with someone that is not your spouse homosexuality lustful passions um joking those are the things that scripture is against but when you get into wait what was the last one so I saying Jesus said what if we just soak instead am I going to hell is against but when you get into the Book of solong Solomon you see a groom and a bride going to town you know you just see them having all sorts of fun all sorts of exploration all sorts of positions all sorts of touchings body parts everywhere I mean it is just left up to our own imagination interpretation and I think Christian couples should be the ones having the most most fun being the most I don’t know there’s like things I won’t touch right like if I was single I would probably open stuff like the ultimate course for a Christian woman and stuff like that and like go through it and like on stream or in a video but I think if I say too much then it brings my partner into it right and she’s like not hard to find she’s a twitch streamer um and so there’s things that people do not need to know about me or her or us most interpretation and I think Christian couples should be the ones having the most fun being the most creative exploring the most when you think about it if you say within a marriage relationship like okay well you know this hand here this body part here is okay this position missionary is The Godly like where the heck are we getting that from you know really stop and ask yourself told you that that’s okay or not okay because if missionary cannot be fun for these people it’s like they do not want to well I guess they have the whole thing about like how they keep their eyes closed right 10% of women can orgasm while looking at their partner and so they have keep their eyes closed if we go to scripture you’re going to see a lot of that stuff is just pulled out of nowhere that someone told you um I Heard on there’s a podcast called um sex chat for Christian wives and it’s like three or four older married ladies who’ve been married forever and they just they talk about everything and they’ve been super helpful in this area and they said within marriage there shouldn’t be any secrets so if you are engaging in an act or doing something that your spouse does not know about that is a huge red flag so if you and your your spouse have a question question like okay uh I would like to be a part of helping stimulate myself while we’re having intimacy because men or women are different and sometimes that can really help is that something that you are doing together that he knows about that he is on board with that you’re on board with that’s a discussion that you two can have that you can be a part of uh that’s not a discussion that is if this is the situation you’re in if you’re in a in a marriage man woman sex within sex you as a woman want to touch yourself that’s not a conversation that’s mention if you have to have a full conversation on it and your your husband is like don’t do that I don’t like that leave him I don’t even think you have to mention it it’s your body I don’t know I don’t think you should have to have full permission from your husband to do whatever you want do whatever you want my my whole thing dude is you should be the person you want to be and do the things you want to do and you will do them within the boundaries of your relationship it’s like cheating you probably shouldn’t cheat on your partner I don’t think you have to be explicitly told not to cheat on your partner if you were someone who’s not going to cheat you’re just not going to cheat and if you’re someone who is that’s passive boundary and I don’t think you have to like have a whole conversation about that there are plenty of things like hey I don’t like this hey let’s not do this sure but touching your own body unless you’re into like permission play or whatever that’s called where like you want them to say yes you’re allowed to don’t ask for permission as a woman to touch her own body from your husband dude you know there’s been a lot of encouragement for Christian married women within marriage to make sure they know their body they know what parts are where they know what feels good and that’s going to look different for everyone and comfort levels in that way are going to look different for everyone but I think the most important thing is making sure that you and your husband are communicating and you two are coming up and deciding for yourselves what’s okay for you two and what’s not is long as it’s not those things that we I just mentioned to you which comes from a blog post um by Julie Slattery called what’s okay in the bedroom I’ll link below so as long as you’re not directly going against scripture bringing pornography in bringing a third person things like that if you are not lusting after another man as you’re having sex stuff like that um then it’s really God gives a lot of freedom and that’s beautiful so instead of stressing so much in your marriage like is this okay can I put my hand here can he put his hand here can I do this like communicate as a couple be prayer ful about it but I would say we need to be um less putting these extra boundaries on ourselves within marriage than not especially in the Christian Circle um so that’s why I have a little bit of an issue with the definition when it comes to the married couple because I think that can add some stuff that might not actually be prohibited from scripture does that make sense yeah yeah that makes sense and in fact it’s interesting you say that because in the dictionary there are two definitions for masturbation one and two and the second one I feel like applies more to mared people it says so the second definition States the stimulation by manual or other means exclusive of sexual intercourse of another’s genitals especially to orgasm and so in some ways I feel like that could be more in line because masturbation is the stimulation of one’s or genitals to orgasm but it could be your s stimulating them or some other means um you may not necessarily be having full-blown intercourse um but there is orgasm happening and so like you said in that place of intimacy between that man and wife wife there might be moments where it helpful for you to stimulate for the pleasure of both of you mutually you know men and women are built very different the waybe orgasm is very different and so I feel like that could be more helpful where it doesn’t mean it just has to be you stimulating it could be or it could be your husband it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re having intercourse but the where is this in the Bible I’m sure somewhere in the Bible it talks about giving your neighbor a hand goal is orgasm pleasure so yeah there’s a lot of nuance we can’t address every single last thing if you’re married our greatest encouragement would be for you to have open communication with your husband about all of this to look at God’s word together and say is what we’re pursuing in line with God’s beautiful boundaries for intimacy for Purity Holiness that also applies to marriages like Bethany said we’re not bringing pornography we’re not bringing other things in it’s holy and pure between the two of us is that what’s happening and or are we also adding a lot of extra rules boundaries things that are causing a lot of fear within our intimacy that aren’t actually found in scripture are we losing our ability to celebrate fully because we’re fearful that we might be sinning in some way like go to the Lord together study learn grow from Godly biblically based gospel centered resources people who have entire Ministries based on this and we’ll link a lot of resources below but our greatest encouragement is that you and your husband need to go to the Lord together have open communication continue going to the word learning and growing and then deciding for yourself what is most faithful for the two of you in the bedroom okay you have a final word a final word because this is we don’t have a specific resource with girl to find but this has been such a passion of mine and I have only been married for 4 years and I’ve just been like I’ve had so many questions so she’s 35 I don’t know if I thought she was older or younger than that I’m going to be real honest I can’t tell and I have wanted to find like Good gospel centered resources to really have like super open and honest conversations like Kristen and I have and so I did create a resource it’s called the ultimate sex course for Christian women and there’s 11 sessions whether you’re engaged or married is something that I would really invite you to part be a part of um we everything that krisen and I have talked about we take like a thousand deep Dives and learn from incredibly Godly women experts who have studied this area who have gone through their own struggles and and have just they have so much to offer so that’s actually at my website which is Bethany be.com I’ll link it below but if you’re married I know yeah I mean Kristen’s been married for a long time she’s like she’s more of an expert in these ways I’ve only been married for four years but this is a source that has been I’m telling you it’s been so helpful for me and I just don’t want our married women to be like okay where are the resources what where what’s next um so you can you can grab that and I think that would be super helpful the frogs are getting me in my throat but yeah I will we’ll go through we’ll try to find as many resources as we can um and we’ll link all of the most relevant podcasts because this is only the start of learning and growing I hope that this just encourages you in Spurs you on to say wow there is so much out there for me to learn God does have a good design like I can’t wait to dig deeper like I’m excited whether single or married so we’ll differentiate those in the below we’ll put um like resources for single women resources for married women so that you can just this can just be the start of the learning and growing and really finding Freedom process Yes Y’all thank you for joining us for this conversation we know it’s a sensitive one um it is one that not a lot of people are talking about so we’re we’re thankful that we can step into this conversation that we can link arms together um and we really hope that our new resource the digital download you can get it instantly um the one on masturb so finding freedom from masturbation um is something that we hope can be a huge blessing and encouragement to you I know so many women have already purchased it downloaded it and we’re we pray that it is a really big encouragement in just offering that Gospel Center perspective on marriage and then I mean on sexual intimacy sex in general and then also just offering some really practical steps unfortunately like in the other videos they have accidentally stumbled onto some good advice right this time it was about communication but it’s such a small pebble in this like island of much too sharp rocks that they’ve created the small small pebble of good advice was hey communicate but also it’s within your sexist marriage or within your marriage where you just finally get to have sex you’re 35 now you just spent 10 years 15 years 20 years regretting masturbation and now you don’t have to anymore and so this entire thing is really weird something that I do and don’t get because I’ve talked about it a lot is the idea of I did this when I was younger and I regret it however that goes to like ways that people are harmful normally it’s people like oh I used to be really angry all the time and I realize that this was the actual reason and so now I’m not and I’m going to tell you about that so that hopefully it helps you or it’s stuff like uh I used to not take care of myself in my car now I do you should probably do that earlier I didn’t start going to the gym until I was 30 you should consider going when you’re 20 stuff like that that is just helpful it’s not oh I masturbated my entire 20s and now that I’m married I could tell you that like it’s bad don’t do it God doesn’t like it don’t do it at all I’ve repented I’m fixed you should just not do it though stuff like that that I don’t get it feels so much safer and so much better to be like do it and to leave it there people are going to do things like this anyway you should teach them to do it in a way that like do it so that you know what you like for when you do get married and so that you can communicate that would be so much more helpful than don’t do at all I did it but don’t do it at all this one was long this one this one hurt my chest dude .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

0.04 I read scripture and masturbate and it&;s
0.04 great like I really like the idea of
0.04 Christian regret and it&;s not all
0.04 Christians I understand that I&;m not
0.04 going to just sit here and tell you an
0.04 entire religion of people it&;s like this
0.04 these two happen to be they will tell
0.04 you what to do and what not to do based
0.04 on their religion and then tell you that
0.04 you&;re a bad person for having done it
0.04 whether or not they have done it so
0.04 we&;re going to listen to one of these
0.04 women go I masturbated a lot and I
0.04 regretted it so you shouldn&;t do it
0.04 because it&;s a sin and that is
0.04 essentially what this all comes down to
0.04 here things I did that I believe are a
0.04 Sin but I did them because I&;m a normal
0.04 person and instead of acting on your
0.04 normal urges and being a real person you
0.04 should just feel bad about everything it
0.04 is that you do I&;m going to make sure
0.04 that you do in the name of God here&;s my
0.04 interpretation of what God has to say
0.04 here&;s my interpretation of the Bible
0.04 and it is the only correct one that is
0.04 the entire Vibe of girl defin and
0.04 especially in this video called
0.04 masturbation a conversation for single
0.04 and married women today on the girl
0.04 toine show we are talking about
0.04 masturbation
0.04 masturbation is something that I
0.04 actually actually struggled with a lot
0.04 as a single woman and for me it was very
0.04 much driven by lust it was driven by
0.04 fantasy and in my heart I knew what I
0.04 was doing wasn&;t honoring to God I knew
0.04 it wasn&;t in his design for me and
0.04 pursuing Purity and Holiness but I
0.04 didn&;t know how to break free as a
0.04 single woman I know that this is not
0.04 what this whole video is about but oh my
0.04 God imagine her in the middle of it
0.04 being like I wonder what God thinks of
0.04 being right now like she has to have
0.04 like little
0.04 Jesus crucifixes around her house just
0.04 like looking at her while she does it I
0.04 don&;t like that I don&;t like that at all
0.04 I should probably clarify that we&;re not
0.04 really going to shame people regardless
0.04 of how weird they are in general we&;re
0.04 not going to shame two people who are
0.04 made to feel ashamed of themselves in
0.04 their bodies due to their religion we&;re
0.04 going to worry more about what it is
0.04 they have to say about masturbation
0.04 rather than like themselves talking
0.04 about themselves going through the ACT
0.04 if you&;re going to masturbate you&;re
0.04 going to feel bad about it that&;s fine
0.04 half of you do that anyway not my
0.04 business but if you&;re going to preach
0.04 to people what they should do with their
0.04 bodies when it doesn&;t actually hurt
0.04 anyone else chill chill chill is it a
0.04 sin to be a DJ it&;s the same thing
0.04 didn&;t know how to understand my body I
0.04 didn&;t know how to embrace God&;s design
0.04 for my sexuality I didn&;t understand how
0.04 to truly pursue Purity as he intended
0.04 and I know as I&;ve talked to so many of
0.04 you you have the same questions and now
0.04 as a married woman I have more questions
0.04 on the other side of marriage regarding
0.04 my sexual design and so in today&;s
0.04 episode we are going to be talking about
0.04 all of that masturbation how to think
0.04 about it as a married woman as a single
0.04 woman what does God&;s word say about
0.04 this how do we Embrace God&;s design for
0.04 our sexuality without falling into any
0.04 of the ditches we&;re going to dive into
0.04 all of that today on the girl to find
0.04 show that has to be a bit somewhere
0.04 right like there has to be some family
0.04 guy cutway out there where God like
0.04 makes humans and he&;s like all right go
0.04 do something and they just start
0.04 masturbating and he&;s like no no not
0.04 like that and then God invented
0.04 cornflakes this will stop him I am
0.04 really excited for this convers
0.04 conversation on masturbation I don&;t
0.04 know if you&;ve noticed but it seems that
0.04 Christian women particularly are very
0.04 silent on this topic and I think that&;s
0.04 why when you and I Kristen post and talk
0.04 about masturbation from like a Biblical
0.04 lens the comments the DMS The Click rate
0.04 on those posts like Skyrocket it&;s
0.04 insane and I think it&;s because we as
0.04 Christian women are desperate for
0.04 information about our sexuality about
0.04 our struggles about what like what does
0.04 the Bible say is you know a right living
0.04 out of our sexuality what is against
0.04 God&;s design like we just have so many
0.04 questions and it can be so hard to find
0.04 answers and we all know going to good
0.04 old Google can bring up some real
0.04 sketchy stuff and most I&;m so brain
0.04 rotted that I thought she was going to
0.04 say goon and then it ended with Google
0.04 Google oh
0.04 man Tik Tok has destroyed me I think if
0.04 I try to make comments now it&;s going to
0.04 be things that are too obvious like the
0.04 reason that people don&;t talk about
0.04 things like masturbation and then later
0.04 on sex is because of the shame and the
0.04 stigma right like Christian people
0.04 aren&;t supposed to do this so we&;re not
0.04 going to talk about it if we do and it&;s
0.04 sex education right you don&;t talk about
0.04 it and so people don&;t know when to use
0.04 protection how to use
0.04 protection there&;s a line where you have
0.04 to realize that enough people are doing
0.04 this whether or not they&;re supposed to
0.04 you should be able to talk about it most
0.04 of us don&;t really want to Google like
0.04 oh my struggle with masturbation CU
0.04 we&;re like I don&;t know what&;s going to
0.04 pop up and I I don&;t really want to go
0.04 to secular forces I want someone who&;s
0.04 going to take me to scripture but it can
0.04 be hard so here we are and really what
0.04 triggered this conversation is we
0.04 actually just released a guide um a
0.04 digital download on the topic of
0.04 masturbation the the guide is called
0.04 find finding freedom from masturbation
0.04 gospel strategies for walking in Victory
0.04 and as you can see this ebook this PDF
0.04 download is for the woman who is like
0.04 wow this I am kind of like trapped in
0.04 this or this is a habit I&;ve had that I
0.04 just really want to break I know this
0.04 isn&;t honoring to the Lord um this is
0.04 something that is filled with like lust
0.04 and fantasy and I just I know this is
0.04 not where I want to be like I I want to
0.04 break free from this sin I want helpful
0.04 strategies do you think there&;s like a
0.04 there&;s a Bible passage that just didn&;t
0.04 make it to the Final Cut where it&;s like
0.04 Leviticus 3:12 and Jesus said unto Mary
0.04 no don&;t come in here Mom knock Max you
0.04 the woman trapped in masturbation not
0.04 honoring the Lord the Lord and I have an
0.04 interesting
0.04 relationship also okay hear me out the
0.04 worst people are people who are
0.04 religious and who tan their butth holes
0.04 you&;re pointing it at them you guys
0.04 remember that were you guys on Twitter
0.04 for the whole sun in your butthole Trend
0.04 what we created binding freedom for
0.04 masturbation for for this single or
0.04 married woman for you to get for a
0.04 friend and just to be bold about this
0.04 topic and say I&;m not going to let you
0.04 know Satan trap me in this in my own
0.04 little island and and keep this secret
0.04 all to myself like I am going to confess
0.04 this to the Lord I&;m going to find a
0.04 mentor someone to help me walk through
0.04 this I&;m going to get this guide I&;m
0.04 going to start taking those steps so
0.04 this guide is actually available right
0.04 now I&;m going to assume I didn&;t write a
0.04 guide on how to DJ right how not to
0.04 DJ interesting so is this entire video
0.04 going to be about like hey I have that
0.04 thought too but let&;s not do it Idle
0.04 Hands Are The Devil&;s weapons Idle Hands
0.04 Are The Devil&;s DJ to TOS that makes
0.04 sense I just thought we were going to
0.04 get to them being like I do it maybe
0.04 it&;s not okay and Jesus is watching
0.04 sometimes we G do it we&;re gonna unpack
0.04 this is not going to be your typical
0.04 conversation on masturbation right
0.04 Kristen oh no well and it&;s so
0.04 interesting because when we released our
0.04 PDF I think we were even Blown Away by
0.04 how many people were not only purchasing
0.04 it but dming us like you said yeah I
0.04 don&;t think we think that all religious
0.04 people are like this I think these two
0.04 people are like this and they&;re using
0.04 religion to try and justify their
0.04 actions and their thoughts and their
0.04 beliefs behaviors every other synonym of
0.04 those two words I can come up with if it
0.04 goes don&;t do it then it feels like it
0.04 is your typical religious conversation
0.04 on this topic I have questions as a
0.04 married woman or I&;m a single Christian
0.04 woman here&;s my struggle will this
0.04 relate to me will this help me just so
0.04 many nuances right and I think we were
0.04 even kind of blown away because this
0.04 isn&;t the first time we&;ve ever talked
0.04 about this we&;ve had I I had an episode
0.04 specifically on masturbation that came
0.04 out a while ago sharing my whole journey
0.04 my struggle my journey to Freedom what
0.04 that looked like and then we&;ve talked
0.04 about this we have a whole section in
0.04 our book sex Purity and the longings of
0.04 a girl&;s heart we have an entire section
0.04 on this as well and we&;ve talked about
0.04 it in other ways just just on Instagram
0.04 and so it&;s not the first time but we&;ve
0.04 never released a resource that was
0.04 specifically just about masturbation and
0.04 finding freedom and so clearly there is
0.04 a chord being struck here this is
0.04 resonating this is something that we see
0.04 as a Christian Community women saying I
0.04 need this I want this I&;m confused about
0.04 this or I&;m struggling with this or I
0.04 have questions about this and I need
0.04 answers and sadly when you look out at
0.04 the Christian resource what&;s available
0.04 out there there isn&;t a ton of resources
0.04 on this specific topic specifically
0.04 addressed to women I feel like we&;ve had
0.04 this part of the conversation before
0.04 something that people should figure out
0.04 before they jump into a marriage is what
0.04 they want and what they expect out of
0.04 sex you should be able to enjoy it
0.04 before you get into a marriage and have
0.04 sex for the first time why I I don&;t
0.04 know why those are there if you don&;t
0.04 enjoy it you&;re going to believe that
0.04 that is what sex should be and you&;re
0.04 going to end up with one of those dudes
0.04 on Twitter who&;s like the female orgasm
0.04 isn&;t real women can&;t get wet I just
0.04 asked my wife she said it&;s never
0.04 happened to
0.04 her and you don&;t want to end up with
0.04 those people you want to end up with
0.04 people who make your life better by
0.04 making you feel good in every other way
0.04 hopefully but in this one especially
0.04 within this conversation you should
0.04 figure out what it is that you like and
0.04 if you can do that on your own that&;s
0.04 fantastic later on you can find someone
0.04 to help you do that too but you should
0.04 do it on your own too well I think
0.04 there&;s a struggle within like knowing
0.04 that something is wrong and then wanting
0.04 to do it and this right being like a
0.04 person with sexual urges is pretty
0.04 innate and so having this urge but
0.04 having this like religious sense of
0.04 shame that is telling you not to do
0.04 something but your body&;s like I would
0.04 like to have this done I would like to
0.04 do this yeah it&;s a bit of a struggle so
0.04 I get that I don&;t get trying to turn it
0.04 into like a preaching moment but also
0.04 like if your biggest struggle is whether
0.04 or not you should masturbate that day
0.04 like good for you congratulations there
0.04 are a lot of resources I think for men
0.04 because often times sexual struggles
0.04 sadly can be viewed more as a man&;s
0.04 issue and a man&;s topic but as women we
0.04 know we are just as sexual as men we are
0.04 also created as sexual beings and God
0.04 has a beautiful design for our sexuality
0.04 but we&;re also broken because of the
0.04 Fall because of sin and so we wrestle
0.04 and we struggle and we need more
0.04 resources for women helping us link Arms
0.04 Journey together to feel like I&;m not
0.04 alone I&;m not on an island my struggles
0.04 don&;t have to remain a secret I can
0.04 bring them into the light I can get help
0.04 and that is exactly why we created this
0.04 resource so that we can come alongside
0.04 you and say you&;re not alone I hate that
0.04 these people are too easy to make fun of
0.04 all right like I&;m I&;m not going to say
0.04 anything I&;m not going to say anything
0.04 and that is exactly why we created this
0.04 resource so that we can come alongside
0.04 you and say you&;re right like how easy
0.04 is that stop handing me jokes woman I
0.04 should just sell out I should just sell
0.04 out it would be so easy to sit here and
0.04 be like you&;re not get help and that is
0.04 exactly why we created this resource so
0.04 that we can come alongside you and say
0.04 we created this resource that we
0.04 actually can&;t come alongside you
0.04 because you&;re not supposed to do it
0.04 stop it only person DJing at my wedding
0.04 is DJ khed you&;re not alone let&;s go on
0.04 this journey together yes oh my goodness
0.04 100% so
0.04 I think it would be helpful though if we
0.04 start with some definitions because
0.04 that&;s what I have found in this
0.04 conversation that people are very
0.04 confused like what if they drop a
0.04 definition for masturbation and it&;s
0.04 like it only counts if and they have
0.04 like a soaking variation where like it
0.04 doesn&;t count that&;s going to be so
0.04 funny are we talking about and many of
0.04 us we think oh if I say the word
0.04 masturbation here&;s exactly what I&;m
0.04 talking about but if you got 10 10 of us
0.04 as women in the same room we might all
0.04 have different definitions so I think it
0.04 would be helpful for us to kind of like
0.04 lay the foundation let&;s get some
0.04 clarity on exactly what we&;re talking
0.04 about when we use the word masturbation
0.04 um I don&;t have the dictionary
0.04 definition I have it pulled up you&;ve
0.04 got it okay yeah so according to the
0.04 dictionary here is how masturbation is
0.04 defined the stimulation or manipulation
0.04 of one&;s own genitals especially to
0.04 orgasm sexual self-gratification and I
0.04 think that is a very basic very
0.04 definition to just say Okay as we
0.04 approach this topic in this conversation
0.04 right now that is the working definition
0.04 that I would say we&;re going off of that
0.04 is how we would Define masturbation in
0.04 this conversation so I&;m going to read
0.04 it one more time so if you missed it you
0.04 can really hear what we&;re saying here
0.04 the stimulation or manipulation of one&;s
0.04 own genitals especially to orgasm sexual
0.04 self-gratification and in a minute we
0.04 are going to get into breaking down some
0.04 nuances of how this could play out in
0.04 for married women and for single women
0.04 because something that I think we have
0.04 made the mistake of here in our
0.04 conversations even um as a Ministry is
0.04 that we haven&;t been super clear on kind
0.04 of drawing a line and having this
0.04 discussion for married women and how
0.04 that might impact and look different
0.04 within a Marin marriage covenant
0.04 relationship between a husband and wife
0.04 versus a single woman who was unmarried
0.04 um and God&;s call for a christian single
0.04 woman and her sexuality and God&;s call
0.04 for a married woman and her sexuality
0.04 there are distinctions there are
0.04 different is clearly um because we know
0.04 sex was designed for marriage we&;re
0.04 going to get into that so in this
0.04 conversation we&;re going to break into
0.04 some of those nuances that we haven&;t
0.04 touched on before it&;s a lot of words
0.04 for them to really not say anything and
0.04 so that&;s how we&;re just listening
0.04 really like I can stop here and be like
0.04 oh the definition masturbation
0.04 how insightful but also like there&;s
0.04 really nothing to say there like they
0.04 Define something other they just ranting
0.04 about it we will eventually get to them
0.04 dropping some sort of opinion I&;m sure
0.04 for and a lot of this was spurred on
0.04 because so many of you were asking
0.04 questions as married women and as single
0.04 women so we want to talk to each group
0.04 today and I think that&;s going to be
0.04 really helpful yeah for sure and I think
0.04 part of that is our ministry really did
0.04 start as a Ministry for single women so
0.04 our audience has been very clear so in
0.04 past conversations we&;ve very much been
0.04 talking to single women but as our
0.04 ministry grown as Kristen and I have
0.04 gotten married and had babies and our
0.04 ministry has just evolved and we have a
0.04 ton of married women now like it&;s kind
0.04 of you know 5050 we&;ve got like 50%
0.04 married women 50% single women and so
0.04 there&;s there&;s no way to where am I in
0.04 that am I not in the ministry the fact
0.04 that they call their YouTube audience in
0.04 Ministry is kind of wild to me am I
0.04 supposed to have a name from mine have a
0.04 conversation just to you know like to
0.04 say here&;s here&;s something and this
0.04 applies to everyone in this context so
0.04 I&;m really excited if you are single we
0.04 are going to have a segment specifically
0.04 for you in this conversation and then
0.04 married women all of those nuances those
0.04 questions you have we are going to give
0.04 you some answers but I think it&;s
0.04 important to note that um the word
0.04 masturbation is not found in Scripture
0.04 so that&;s why we went to the dictionary
0.04 to find our definition and I think
0.04 that&;s part of the reason it can be a
0.04 little bit scary to talk about this
0.04 because we do not want to add to
0.04 scripture in any way we do not want to
0.04 um speak for scripture in in ways it
0.04 does not speak and so my hope is that by
0.04 the end of this conversation you&;ll
0.04 actually see the freedom and the beauty
0.04 of God&;s design and you won&;t won&;t live
0.04 in fear but you&;ll be able to know hey
0.04 this is God&;s good design and his
0.04 boundaries for me in different seasons
0.04 and I can thrive in that that and
0.04 outside of what he clearly says is um
0.04 honoring to him or not honoring to him
0.04 sin or not I&;ll know how to walk in
0.04 Freedom and I think that that&;s the
0.04 beauty of this conversation is less of
0.04 um okay we just want to bring the hammer
0.04 on anyone who&;s struggling like no we
0.04 Christ has set us free we can find
0.04 Freedom in him and we can walk in
0.04 Freedom we can enjoy um as married women
0.04 Intimacy in the right context as single
0.04 woman you we can we can use our lives in
0.04 such incredible ways and so I think that
0.04 you&;re going to walk away today just go
0.04 wow like I am excited for the season I&;m
0.04 in I have practical strategies to combat
0.04 sin I have practical strategies to know
0.04 how to live out my sexuality well like I
0.04 just think this is going to be a really
0.04 freeing conversation Oh I thought we
0.04 were a lot deeper into the video than we
0.04 are it&;s only been 10 minutes so all
0.04 we&;ve gotten so far is masturbation as a
0.04 topic here&;s the definition and no
0.04 matter what we say or how we say it&;s
0.04 going to go back to what God wants and
0.04 what we believe God is saying and I
0.04 think that&;s the part about them that&;s
0.04 a little hard to get past is that very
0.04 rarely and I&;m going to say that because
0.04 I just don&;t remember any single times
0.04 they&;ve said we&;ve interpreted the word
0.04 like this we&;ve interpreted God&;s ideas
0.04 like this it&;s always this is what God
0.04 wants this is what God is saying and
0.04 that&;s always a bit of a dumb argument I
0.04 don&;t care how religious or
0.04 non-religious you are every time another
0.04 person speaks for God it is going to be
0.04 an interpretation unless you can get me
0.04 like a 240p grainy video of God coming
0.04 down and being like all
0.04 right stop doing that
0.04 everything that everyone says including
0.04 the Bible is going to be an
0.04 interpretation and I think that&;s kind
0.04 of a hard line for people like this who
0.04 are like I&;m so righteous and so correct
0.04 in my ideas because they are actually
0.04 God&;s ideas through my body rather them
0.04 this is what I think and I&;m going to
0.04 use my religion to justify it it&;s fine
0.04 if you say I don&;t want to masturbate
0.04 because it makes me feel bad I&;m ashamed
0.04 of it my religion says not to whatever
0.04 but to turn around and be like my
0.04 religion says you should stop doing that
0.04 and it&;s something that&;s not harmful
0.04 what their husband said about this video
0.04 they&;re probably like female orgasms
0.04 aren&;t real anyway so you don&;t have to
0.04 masturbate anyway I feel like they&;re
0.04 going to end up saying something like
0.04 pleasure is only for married people if
0.04 you want to masturbate if you want to
0.04 have an orgasm it should be within your
0.04 marriage you want to have an orgasm
0.04 within a Christian marriage like this
0.04 you&;re going to have to do it alone you
0.04 know I wish that when I was younger when
0.04 I was a single woman I wish that I had
0.04 had more of a Biblical gospel centered
0.04 framework for Understanding God&;s design
0.04 for sexuality because as I wrestle in my
0.04 own struggles with masturbation and like
0.04 I said in the intro for me they were
0.04 definitely very lust fueled and
0.04 fantasy-driven they were not um I knew
0.04 it wasn&;t a pure act I knew it wasn&;t as
0.04 a christian single woman I knew it
0.04 wasn&;t honoring to God um and I knew his
0.04 call for me was Holiness and I you know
0.04 I knew sex was for marriage and sexual
0.04 acts but I didn&;t I didn&;t have that
0.04 greater more beautiful picture and so
0.04 for me there was a lot of Shame of just
0.04 like how come I can&;t stop I didn&;t feel
0.04 like I had the tools I didn&;t have that
0.04 greater understanding and so for me it
0.04 was so much much of like I just need to
0.04 stop this but I didn&;t really have
0.04 anything I was aiming for like that
0.04 bigger more beautiful picture and so
0.04 let&;s just give that recap because I
0.04 think it is so important like that is
0.04 foundational whether you&;re single
0.04 married whether you&;re ever going to get
0.04 married or whether you&;ve already been
0.04 married for a while like we need these
0.04 reminders we need to go back to the
0.04 Bible and understand that God is the
0.04 author of sex it wasn&;t something
0.04 Hollywood invented I really like the
0.04 idea of God writing a book called sex
0.04 and then you it&;s like thick thick and
0.04 you open it he just goes don&;t have it
0.04 that is go in there you know it&;s like
0.04 this was actually God&;s design and if we
0.04 take a moment to like soak like let that
0.04 soak in we&;ll realize that God is for
0.04 pleasure that he created sexual intimacy
0.04 that he this thing that can sometimes
0.04 even feel like a dirty word in the
0.04 church is something our holy and pure
0.04 and awesome God actually invented
0.04 himself and so it&;s not something we
0.04 have to be afraid of it&;s not something
0.04 we have to be Hush Hush shy about it&;s
0.04 something that in our singleness in
0.04 marriage in any stage of I always forget
0.04 their names and that&;s on me I just
0.04 don&;t remember names ever really the one
0.04 furthest away from me is always so
0.04 disinterested and when when this one is
0.04 talking she&;s either on her phone or she
0.04 goes yep yep yep oh yeah totally yep mhm
0.04 oh for sure or she&;s on her phone she&;s
0.04 yeah she&;s reading a text message from
0.04 God it&;s just God going hey hey don&;t
0.04 forget don&;t forget to tell them what I
0.04 said about pooping pooping is a sin
0.04 nothing must go in or out they don&;t
0.04 seem like they&;re good
0.04 listeners and they don&;t seem like they
0.04 want to be if they were better listeners
0.04 they would have interpreted a lot of the
0.04 Bible different I think but what do I
0.04 know in marriage in any stage of life we
0.04 need to understand God&;s design for this
0.04 biblically what it was created for and
0.04 how to embrace it rightly so going back
0.04 to Genesis this is when we see first
0.04 glimpses of sexual intimacy entering the
0.04 scene right Genesis 1 and2 we see this
0.04 beautiful picture of God creating the
0.04 world of God creating the man first you
0.04 see the male come on the scene and then
0.04 you see God giving the man he&;s fully
0.04 sexual he is a full grown man he&;s not a
0.04 child he&;s not a baby he is a 100% full
0.04 grown man with all the parts like God
0.04 made him that way that&;s how he came
0.04 into this world he was fully sexual
0.04 abilities yes everything but he was
0.04 alone and while he was alone God gives
0.04 him responsibilities God is setting up
0.04 some of these beautiful complimentary
0.04 gender distinctions we see this in
0.04 Genesis it&;s a beautiful thing God G
0.04 over or under do they mention
0.04 Adam&;s first wife giving him roles
0.04 responsibilities helping him learn how
0.04 to be a leader how to embrace that
0.04 rightly and then God brings along this
0.04 woman who is a full-grown woman she
0.04 comes from the man right from the rib
0.04 it&;s incredible she&;s part of him that
0.04 symbolizes that Unity that they have
0.04 that Oneness like she literally came
0.04 from his body she is fully woman she is
0.04 not a child she is not an adolescent she
0.04 is a full- grown woman with all the
0.04 hormones all the estrogen all of the sex
0.04 drive all of that she&;s fully woman
0.04 fully developed and I&;m sure Adam was
0.04 just like whoa this is a good day when
0.04 she came on the scene so here you have
0.04 two let me just read it because it&;s
0.04 Genesis 2:23 this is what he says he
0.04 says this is now bone of my bones and
0.04 Flesh of My Flesh she shall be called
0.04 woman for she was taken from the man and
0.04 then the two verses let me just read
0.04 these real quick and then you keep going
0.04 but Genesis 2 um 24 says that is why a
0.04 man leaves his father and mother and is
0.04 United to his wife and they become one
0.04 flesh
0.04 speaking of togetherness they are united
0.04 they are sexually together they are one
0.04 um Adam and his wife were both naked and
0.04 they felt no shame like y&;all this is in
0.04 the Bible like this is the very
0.04 beginning this is before there was any
0.04 sin God is saying that they become one
0.04 flesh they&;re both naked there&;s no
0.04 shame like this beautiful sexual
0.04 relationship even before the fall like
0.04 that&;s crazy that sex was a part of
0.04 God&;s good design for his perfect
0.04 creation yes it wasn&;t something that
0.04 came after the fall like okay now you&;re
0.04 sexual beings and it&;s this dirty bad
0.04 thing that happened after sin entered
0.04 the world no it was there and in fact it
0.04 was the most beautiful perfect version
0.04 of sex that the world has ever known
0.04 because it wasn&;t distorted by sin there
0.04 was I feel like I just have not said
0.04 anything in four minutes it&;s been two
0.04 if I sit here and try and dissect
0.04 everything they say about the Bible just
0.04 from what I remember we&;re going to be
0.04 here forever I don&;t think there&;s
0.04 anything wrong in using the Bible for a
0.04 guide for your own morality but it
0.04 should stop there I I just generally
0.04 don&;t like how they talk about the Bible
0.04 like their interpretation is fact which
0.04 I think I&;m going to end up saying over
0.04 and over again if I stop every time they
0.04 bring up their interpretation of the
0.04 Bible I&;m asking myself questions that
0.04 are not going to be answered in this
0.04 video there was no impact of sin on
0.04 their relationship yet there was no
0.04 shame there was no deceptiveness there
0.04 was no like they were 100% vulnerable
0.04 and intimate and open and it was
0.04 beautiful and perfect in every way and
0.04 oh man I think every married woman would
0.04 say wow Amen to that like I wish we
0.04 could go back to that place but we can&;t
0.04 and one day God will restore and make
0.04 all things new but so here we have it
0.04 Adam and Eve this perfect beautiful
0.04 relationship completely sexual and like
0.04 you said it was a part of God&;s original
0.04 design be fruitful and multiply you know
0.04 they were naked and unashamed like they
0.04 were intimate they were one like this is
0.04 a picture of sex and it&;s such a
0.04 beautiful thing and we see what God is
0.04 doing here he didn&;t just throw sex into
0.04 the world give us all sex drives make us
0.04 sexual and then be like figure it out
0.04 like just whatever you&;re you almost
0.04 animalistic like just follow your sex
0.04 drive to its end no God actually had
0.04 beautiful parameters beautiful
0.04 boundaries a beautiful setting a place
0.04 where sex could Thrive you know just
0.04 like a fish thrives in water you take it
0.04 out it struggles and then eventually
0.04 does it make it it&;s like sex is set
0.04 within a beautiful parameter where God
0.04 is saying are you&;re going to die from
0.04 sex that seems like a a bit from a
0.04 thousand ways to die like somebody had a
0.04 heart attack during the hard part about
0.04 having a conversation outside of what it
0.04 is that they&;re saying is that every
0.04 time they have an idea it brings up so
0.04 many different questions where ideas I
0.04 have that have nothing to do with this
0.04 right because the way they speak of sex
0.04 just forces it out of casual enjoyment
0.04 and even like committed enjoyment
0.04 because it has to be done within
0.04 marriage between you and one person
0.04 you&;re going to be with forever so it
0.04 stops you from like discovering yourself
0.04 and learning how to be safe growing up
0.04 and into it and instead it&;s like once
0.04 you&;re married everything else just kind
0.04 of works out which is not true religious
0.04 people like them are going to interpret
0.04 the Bible and what way works best for
0.04 them it&;s not the Bible says do and do
0.04 not so I do and do not it&;s I did and
0.04 I&;m going to justify it with the use of
0.04 the Bible the Bible needs an update dude
0.04 like throw skibby in there and Jesus
0.04 said unto his followers you are all my
0.04 squa word at some point he tells Abraham
0.04 to sacrifice his son as a test and
0.04 Abraham&;s like all right sure and he&;s
0.04 like I was joking I was joking I was
0.04 joking all right
0.04 stop cut off that skin though it&;s just
0.04 a prank bro there&;s a camera right there
0.04 imagine Ashton kusher comes out you&;re
0.04 getting punked that&;s insane none of
0.04 this is going in the video I we just
0.04 what are we doing this is where this
0.04 beautiful intimate most vulnerable act
0.04 that you would ever have as a human this
0.04 nakedness this is its place to thrive in
0.04 a relationship between a husband and
0.04 wife in this Covenant this lifelong un
0.04 Union between a man and a woman
0.04 something else that has become very
0.04 confused in our society today we see God
0.04 clearing up so much of the confusion
0.04 right there in Genesis 1 and2 giving us
0.04 this picture and so that is the
0.04 framework for all of us as Christian
0.04 women to say Okay God had a plan God had
0.04 a purpose God isn&;t holding out on me in
0.04 singleness God isn&;t trying to withhold
0.04 pleasure from me on purpose because he
0.04 wants to punish me or squash me he
0.04 didn&;t give me the sex drive and then
0.04 say it&;s only for marriage because he
0.04 hates me I said this last time and I
0.04 know that&;s not what she&;s going on
0.04 about but it must be exhausting to live
0.04 your life pretending you&;re a
0.04 consequence of God it must
0.04 so maybe maybe it&;s a little freeing I
0.04 don&;t know but it must be so tiring to
0.04 be like if God wants it to happen it
0.04 will if God wants me to be single then I
0.04 guess I&;m just going to be single my
0.04 whole life because it&;s what God wants
0.04 Michael said something God would be such
0.04 a big YouTuber today that would be
0.04 really funny guys I&;m filming a prank
0.04 today guys my friend job yeah I&;m going
0.04 to take his wife his house all of his
0.04 animals and see if he still wants to be
0.04 friends with me dude it&;s only for
0.04 marriage because he hates me like no God
0.04 designed all of us to sexual beings and
0.04 then had a plan and purpose so that in
0.04 marriage it would draw a husband and
0.04 wife together it would become a
0.04 celebration of that Covenant it would
0.04 become an act that unifies the husband
0.04 and wife something that brings them
0.04 together something that can also create
0.04 children a beautiful gift within
0.04 marriage family like so many blessings
0.04 so many gifts so much intentionality but
0.04 you see when you take sex outside of
0.04 marriage you rip it out of that Covenant
0.04 you rip it out of that Union you rip it
0.04 out of that place for intimacy for
0.04 vulnerability for family for all these
0.04 things that is when so much of the
0.04 Brokenness so much of the confusion so
0.04 much of the heartache so much of the sin
0.04 the impact that is when it happens and
0.04 so as Christian women we need to get
0.04 this framework right that God is a good
0.04 god a good father and he plans things
0.04 intentionally on purpose for our good
0.04 and for our thriving and for his glory
0.04 and so getting back to this picture and
0.04 saying God I trust you I believe you
0.04 help me to understand more about this
0.04 design and to uphold the beauty of your
0.04 design that you created it&;s interesting
0.04 because although a lot of our world
0.04 doesn&;t acknowledge God his design um
0.04 what do you mean by a lot I remember and
0.04 this is not me ragging on Christians
0.04 dude believe what you want to believe
0.04 like I I made my opinions pretty clear
0.04 right you should do what it is that
0.04 makes you feel good about yourself just
0.04 don&;t hurt other people I remember
0.04 meeting a woman in Minnesota who said to
0.04 me I am unique because I have a
0.04 relationship with God and I didn&;t say
0.04 anything to her because I understand you
0.04 know not to just be a dick sometimes but
0.04 like brother that&;s What Makes You
0.04 unique more than half the world believes
0.04 in God more than half the world believes
0.04 in a God and you think being one of
0.04 those makes you unique is like a weird
0.04 thing to say like we are all image bears
0.04 and we are his creation whether we
0.04 acknowledge it or not and so I the like
0.04 a few months ago I was like you know I
0.04 want to hear like for Christian I mean
0.04 not for Christian for secular women
0.04 women who don&;t do not acknowledge God
0.04 who do not hold to any specific religion
0.04 or anything what are the experts in that
0.04 realm saying about intimacy and and who
0.04 are you know how to find sexual stat
0.04 satisfaction so I listen to an insanely
0.04 popular podcast for women and it&;s one
0.04 of like it&;s just a very very popular
0.04 podcast and the reason I chose it is
0.04 because she had a a female sex therapist
0.04 on and so I was like I just want to hear
0.04 this conversation and hear what kind of
0.04 questions um non-religious women are
0.04 asking and what advice this secular sex
0.04 therapist is giving and what was super
0.04 fascinating is that one secular women
0.04 are asking very much the same questions
0.04 that um Christian women are asking but
0.04 the advice that this surprise women are
0.04 asking the same things about their body
0.04 I think the argument actually does go
0.04 back to I am unique because I have a
0.04 relationship with God I&;m unique because
0.04 I believe in a god therefore my thoughts
0.04 my feelings my ideas are unique to my
0.04 religion and I just wish that you would
0.04 understand the world around you is so
0.04 much more similar to
0.04 you and not all of your ideas actually
0.04 have to do with your religion like oh
0.04 you&;re telling me non-religious people
0.04 get married that&;s wild she said
0.04 something something like that in the
0.04 last last one and I can&;t remember what
0.04 it was I&;m surprised to learn that
0.04 people who don&;t practice religion also
0.04 love each other like I thought we were
0.04 the only ones that could love it was
0.04 about sex last time was it not last time
0.04 she said that we as Christians should be
0.04 having the best sex because it&;s within
0.04 our marriage or whatever and it&;s like
0.04 you guys don&;t even know how to have an
0.04 orgasm yourself let alone give one to
0.04 someone else chill SEC secular sex
0.04 therapist gave she was saying that truly
0.04 the best sex the best intimacy happens
0.04 when you are in a long-term committed
0.04 relationship ship she didn&;t say
0.04 marriage but she just said when you&;re
0.04 in a long-term committed relationship
0.04 where you can communicate where you can
0.04 feel safe where you can feel free to
0.04 grow and to express and I&;m like they
0.04 you know they&;re not putting that in the
0.04 context of marriage they&;re just saying
0.04 like a you know a safe committed
0.04 relationship but like whoa where did
0.04 that come from like why is that where
0.04 sexual intimacy thrives and grows and
0.04 women feel free to express themselves
0.04 and and you know blossom in their
0.04 sexuality it&;s because God designed it
0.04 that way no no no no no no no they went
0.04 there like again everything they have to
0.04 say is going to go all the way back to
0.04 because God I don&;t have to explain it
0.04 the whole explanation is because God
0.04 let&;s put this together women enjoy sex
0.04 more with someone they&;ve been with
0.04 longer in a relationship where
0.04 communication is open and they get to
0.04 know each other in their bodies better
0.04 why is
0.04 that God I feel bad for these people
0.04 because they&;ve had this is going to
0.04 suck to say and this is not a joke do
0.04 not come at me like Max I can&;t believe
0.04 you saying that in the comments chill I
0.04 I mean this it must really suck to have
0.04 more children than orgasms and to think
0.04 that is what God wanted for you like you
0.04 just said back in Genesis God has a good
0.04 design so as much as we try to pull away
0.04 from that as a world and kind of like as
0.04 a society it&;s amazing that the experts
0.04 out there apart from pointing to God are
0.04 saying hey in a committed relationship
0.04 this is where sex thrives and they&;re
0.04 they&;re advising secular women saying
0.04 hey if you want to be be a sexually
0.04 thriving woman you need to be in a
0.04 committed relationship I secular women
0.04 does not equate to women who sleep
0.04 around like those are entirely different
0.04 things there are plenty of people who
0.04 sleep with multiple people and are
0.04 religious there are plenty of people who
0.04 aren&;t like those are not the same thing
0.04 and I hate that she does that so often
0.04 like you could be like murder is wrong
0.04 and she could be like right because it
0.04 says in the Bible like her entire sense
0.04 of self- immorality go through a book
0.04 that has been written and Rewritten so
0.04 many times if you were as good of a
0.04 Christian as they think they are
0.04 wouldn&;t you learn in Hebrew wouldn&;t
0.04 you want to read the Bible in its like
0.04 earliest form that you can get it if
0.04 you&;re as good of a Christian as they
0.04 think they are wouldn&;t you want to get
0.04 as close to the literal definitions of
0.04 everything as you can it&;s still been
0.04 Rewritten but at least at that point
0.04 it&;s not translated yeah summon a demon
0.04 just asked questions all right thank God
0.04 you&;re here all
0.04 right can I masturbate and it&;s it&;s a
0.04 demon in the shape of a T-Rex and
0.04 they&;re like
0.04 uh I can&;t getting close to God in a way
0.04 that would actually be close to God and
0.04 not just in a way that allows you to
0.04 feel better about yourself and seek
0.04 attention from others is definitely way
0.04 too much work do you think a vibrator to
0.04 them
0.04 Michael is like a cucumber to a cat is
0.04 that what you&;re saying to me have you
0.04 never seen a cucumber and a cat cats
0.04 think cucumbers are snakes and so they
0.04 like jump up really high I just thought
0.04 that was crazy that so much our world
0.04 points back to God even if we don&;t
0.04 acknowledge Him you
0.04 know I&;m sorry that just hurts
0.04 everything everything they say just we
0.04 can take literally anything and make it
0.04 about anything else and that&;s what
0.04 they&;re doing with God I can make
0.04 everything point back to a whale if I
0.04 tried hard enough if God didn&;t want us
0.04 having sex it would just be a regular
0.04 back whale if God wanted the gates who
0.04 exist it would be a brokeback whale we
0.04 got there high five I can&;t believe Lee
0.04 doesn&;t think I&;m funny I love when
0.04 secular theories secular therapists or
0.04 science when it completely backs up
0.04 God&;s design which happens again and
0.04 again cuz it just shows like God knew he
0.04 was doing he has a plan so this backs
0.04 the question if sex it must be so nice
0.04 to just be I&;m not going to say dumb
0.04 listen they&;re smart enough to monetize
0.04 all of this I&;m sure they&;ve made a good
0.04 amount of money but it must be so free
0.04 to just be like God because or not
0.04 because of God you think they&;re like
0.04 sitting at home watching the Super Bowl
0.04 going God is just testing the Chiefs
0.04 Patrick Mahomes Britney and Trump will
0.04 be back next year this backs the
0.04 question if sex is designed for marriage
0.04 there are all sorts of other sexual acts
0.04 sexuality so maybe moving into this
0.04 conversation about how one how seriously
0.04 God takes this because he one one thing
0.04 that we didn&;t touch on God takes this
0.04 very seriously because sex isn&;t just
0.04 about the pleasure the Covenant of
0.04 marriage it is actually an Earthly
0.04 representation of God&;s relationship
0.04 with his people with his church God gave
0.04 us marriage the Covenant between a man
0.04 and a woman and then sexual intimacy to
0.04 be a reflection it&;s a metaphor we see
0.04 this in Ephesians 5 of an Earthly
0.04 picture for humans to look at and say
0.04 it&;s a broken picture on her phone every
0.04 time every time this one is talking the
0.04 other one is on her phone we&;re going
0.04 yep because of sin but it is it is
0.04 giving us a glimpse of what God&;s
0.04 relationship is like with his church of
0.04 the husband reflecting Christ the groom
0.04 the wife is the reflection of Christ
0.04 Church the bride and sexual intimacy is
0.04 a picture of the deep knowing the yadada
0.04 we&;ve talked about that word it means a
0.04 deep knowing of someone else and that is
0.04 a word that God uses in scripture to
0.04 talk about the keep knowing that he
0.04 wants to have with his children in oh I
0.04 forgot their whole thing was be a good
0.04 Christian so you could have sex with
0.04 Jesus one day oh I forgot about that no
0.04 Max I&;m not making that joke that one&;s
0.04 too far if Jesus died a virgin it was by
0.04 choice but not
0.04 his like I guarantee you he was going
0.04 around being like yeah I&;m a carpenter I
0.04 know how to work my wood it&;s not sexual
0.04 at all when it comes to God and us it&;s
0.04 a deep knowing an intimacy relationally
0.04 that God is saying I love you i s my son
0.04 to die for you he is coming back for the
0.04 church to redeem things once and for all
0.04 and marriage is an Earthly
0.04 representation to constantly remind us
0.04 of that Covenant keeping God that God
0.04 who says I love you so much I pursued
0.04 you um dude that&;s so stupid that is so
0.04 stupid this is not going in the video so
0.04 I need you to listen eye contact do you
0.04 think
0.04 Jesus a vision like That&;s So Raven oh
0.04 that&;s so stupid Max
0.04 oh why would you say
0.04 that that God who says I love you so
0.04 much I pursued you um I am in Covenant
0.04 with my church it is a promise that I
0.04 will never break that is what marriage
0.04 is supposed to represent reflecting that
0.04 Covenant that God has with his people
0.04 and so that is why God takes it so
0.04 seriously that is why in scripture you
0.04 might feel like wow God is awfully you
0.04 know heavy-handed when it comes to
0.04 verses about sexual immorality or you
0.04 know keeping the marriage bed Pure or
0.04 like you know things like that like I&;m
0.04 just you know single is it really that
0.04 big of a deal if I mess around you know
0.04 if I act out sexually in my singleness
0.04 like it&;s not really hurting anyone well
0.04 that&;s because we&;re missing this bigger
0.04 picture that it&;s it&;s a representation
0.04 of a covenant of God&;s relationship to
0.04 his church and so God is very protective
0.04 of that it&;s a very holy thing it&;s
0.04 something that God wants us to get right
0.04 because it matters so much it actually
0.04 reflects on the gospel right like it&;s
0.04 if we have a distorted view of sexuality
0.04 we&;re probably going to have a distorted
0.04 understanding of the gospel because it&;s
0.04 all inter connected and so God is not
0.04 heavy-handed in the sense that he
0.04 doesn&;t want us to experience Joy he
0.04 wants us to understand how awesome this
0.04 Covenant is the greater picture that it
0.04 represents that&;s why he wants us to
0.04 uphold it in honor in reverence to
0.04 uphold it in Holiness because of what it
0.04 reflects that&;s why verses like Hebrews
0.04 13:4 say let marriage be held in honor
0.04 among all and let the marriage bed be
0.04 undefiled for God will judge the
0.04 sexually immoral and adulterous and what
0.04 God is saying here is it marriage is
0.04 such an honorable thing because what it
0.04 represents that can be interpreted in
0.04 like so many different ways and I think
0.04 the easiest interpretation one that you
0.04 should probably just go with is should
0.04 we when saying do not be immoral with
0.04 sex say don&;t have sex outside of
0.04 marriage or should we say don&;t have sex
0.04 in a way that makes it dangerous and it
0.04 just seems so extreme to be like only do
0.04 it in
0.04 marriage but the people yelling at are
0.04 the people who&;ve been divorced six
0.04 times and the people who cheated on four
0.04 of those spouses let the marriage bed be
0.04 undefiled like there should be no
0.04 defiling of that Covenant of that
0.04 relationship between that man and that
0.04 woman and God will judge the sexually
0.04 immoral and the adulterous because when
0.04 we&;re when we commit adultery in
0.04 marriage it is like we are we&;re
0.04 basically painting a wrong picture of
0.04 God&;s faithfulness and Covenant with us
0.04 right like in adultery just as if we as
0.04 a church if we strayed and started
0.04 worshiping Idols we rejected the one
0.04 true God and we started worshiping other
0.04 false gods that would be committing
0.04 adultery against God and so God is
0.04 saying marriage if you commit adultery
0.04 it&;s like that same picture of the
0.04 church turning its back God rejecting
0.04 God and so that&;s why God takes this so
0.04 seriously because of the greater picture
0.04 it represents and so I think as we move
0.04 into talking about this for single women
0.04 it&;s very important that we understand
0.04 God&;s call for sexual Holiness for
0.04 Purity is because he wants us to uphold
0.04 and have such a deep reverence for the
0.04 gospel for who God is and what that
0.04 marriage and sexual act within marriage
0.04 every time she goes yeah uh yeah like
0.04 the other one because she cannot listen
0.04 just like hurt and in our book that is a
0.04 book for single or married women to
0.04 really help you fully understand this
0.04 beautiful God given um you know picture
0.04 of sexuality why he created you as a
0.04 sexual being wrong mindsets to get rid
0.04 of um and just really you know really
0.04 understand it rightly oh yeah like
0.04 wanting these people to be anything
0.04 other than problematic because of their
0.04 religion is just asking too much like
0.04 they have a whole video titled men can&;t
0.04 menstruate which like if they&; put the
0.04 word biological in there right I don&;t
0.04 think anyone would have cared but like
0.04 part of their whole thing is we are good
0.04 Godly women
0.04 so our opinions on trans people on gay
0.04 people on whatever are going to just be
0.04 correct and you can deal with them which
0.04 is stupid I&;m sure they have a very sad
0.04 idea on what people&;s relationship with
0.04 God should look like and it should look
0.04 like theirs and you should also have the
0.04 same ideas that they have you should
0.04 interpret everything the same way that
0.04 they do it should all just be uniform
0.04 otherwise you&;re not a good Godly
0.04 Christian we say you can live without
0.04 sex but you can&;t live without yadada
0.04 basically true intimacy with God and
0.04 that&;s the reality think of Jesus our
0.04 savior he came to this world fully God
0.04 fully man and he was not married he did
0.04 not have sex which sounds weird to say
0.04 like when you&;re talking about Jesus but
0.04 we have a completely different thought
0.04 there but I&;m going to let you have
0.04 yours what a bear that&;s the reality
0.04 though he had a body he had a fully male
0.04 body but he was able to have that
0.04 intimate relationship with God I stream
0.04 on Twitch I know too many 33 year olds I
0.04 know too many people who have made it to
0.04 33 without having sex he was not special
0.04 you stop oh he&;s special because nobody
0.04 wanted him for his entire life
0.04 damn well then I&;m special
0.04 too I don&;t have friends God nonsexual
0.04 but like that deep all knowing he came
0.04 to do the will of his father he was you
0.04 know prayerful and in tune God what do
0.04 you want from me he had that deep
0.04 communal relationship with God and that
0.04 is picture of what we all need as humans
0.04 um you know we could be that&;s why you
0.04 will see people who uh great
0.04 missionaries in the past you know where
0.04 they were like you know trapped in some
0.04 jail they obviously clearly weren&;t you
0.04 know having sex but they had they they
0.04 were able to maintain a deep all-
0.04 knowing relationship with God and still
0.04 somehow had joy and purpose in those
0.04 difficult times and the reason is
0.04 because our deepest Soul need as humans
0.04 I don&;t think it&;s that big of a deal I
0.04 also think that that&;s one of those
0.04 things that people are going to believe
0.04 if Jesus came back and he was like by
0.04 the way I&;ve had sex it would not change
0.04 most of their minds it&;s not what
0.04 Hollywood tells us it&;s not that okay if
0.04 you can just grab that hunk and have the
0.04 best sex of your life you&;re going to be
0.04 satisfied no there are a lot of people
0.04 in Hollywood having all sorts of sex and
0.04 there are a lot of people that areally
0.04 unsatisfied same there are a lot of
0.04 people around the world having a lot of
0.04 sex and there are people having it
0.04 within and out of their marriages and a
0.04 lot of those people are unsatisfied I
0.04 think if you were having really great
0.04 sex who wouldn&;t sit here going you can
0.04 have it in marriage you can I&;m pretty
0.04 sure you can that&;s what God Said all
0.04 right I&;ll let you know but I I think I
0.04 think you can in the world you know
0.04 there think about um our own selves you
0.04 know you can you can be masturbated
0.04 doing all the things but why is there
0.04 such dissatisfaction it&;s because that
0.04 is not the deepest longing of our heart
0.04 yes we are sexual beings and that is a
0.04 beautiful thing but the the deepest need
0.04 of our heart is a deep all knowing raw
0.04 authentic relationship with Christ where
0.04 we know him and he knows us and we
0.04 aren&;t you know he he sees all things
0.04 but we aren&;t like trying to keep things
0.04 from him I really like these aren&;t even
0.04 jokes dude I don&;t like that if she is
0.04 having a good time during she&;s going oh
0.04 Jesus or oh God unironically because
0.04 that&;s what she&;s picturing she&;s like
0.04 this is not sex with my husband this is
0.04 sex with Jesus is to sex with God which
0.04 is such a weird idea to have in general
0.04 like oh I&;m such a good Christian that
0.04 when I get to heaven I will be allowed
0.04 to sleep with my savior that is wild and
0.04 I&;m pretty sure that&;s how Colts
0.04 happened and we aren&;t trying to hide we
0.04 aren&;t trying to live in that shame
0.04 we&;re saying God thank you for sending
0.04 your son for me I want to know you I
0.04 want to do your will and it&;s crazy that
0.04 you could live your entire life single
0.04 you could live your entire life without
0.04 ever having sex and truly live a
0.04 purposeful meaningful life and this ties
0.04 in a little bit to my story I know
0.04 Kristen you shared a little bit of um
0.04 some of your singleness and for me I you
0.04 know I thought well oh I can save sex
0.04 for marriage because I&;ll probably get
0.04 married 2021 22 I ended up getting
0.04 married at 30 and so I had some not oh
0.04 brother not the 30 part get married
0.04 whenever you feel like you&;re ready but
0.04 I hate that I repeat myself so much but
0.04 I do not expect people to watch every
0.04 single video and so I&;ve said this in a
0.04 past video you need to stop getting
0.04 married because you want to have
0.04 sex like at this point the church should
0.04 like put pamphlets out at the front that
0.04 say that you need to stop marrying
0.04 people for the sake of having sex with
0.04 them because too many of you are trying
0.04 to get married at 20 21 19 18 because
0.04 you need to have sex and it&;s a sin to
0.04 do it outside of marriage I&;m gonna ask
0.04 you which one you think is
0.04 worse having sex with someone you&;re not
0.04 married to or marrying them at 20
0.04 realizing at 22 you&;re not compatible
0.04 and then divorcing divorce is divorce
0.04 you get divorced for whatever reason you
0.04 want it has nothing to do with anyone
0.04 else that&;s fine it&;s normal it happens
0.04 but consider just sleeping with someone
0.04 dude just sleep with them if you want to
0.04 know what sex is like do it you don&;t
0.04 have to get married and then just so
0.04 many people are just are getting married
0.04 too young and it happens bro but like ah
0.04 why why is this thing why do you want to
0.04 have sex with somebody so bad that
0.04 you&;ll get married for it what if it&;s
0.04 not enjoyable what if they refuse to
0.04 listen to you there&;s so much shame
0.04 embedded in these religions just with
0.04 the idea of sex that the idea of talking
0.04 about it after is so much worse the idea
0.04 of being like Oh can you do this instead
0.04 can you do this better oh maybe what if
0.04 we is not going to happen if you&;re
0.04 already so uncomfortable with the idea
0.04 of having sex itself yeah I mean
0.04 religion is religion and it sucks
0.04 because sometimes you feel like you have
0.04 to identify with a religion because you
0.04 agree with a lot of it but I think you
0.04 should be able to just say this is who I
0.04 am and if you&;re like I&;m
0.04 Hindu I&;m Christian
0.04 I&;m confucious whatever right it
0.04 shouldn&;t mean that you are stuck to the
0.04 idea of everything you interpret your
0.04 religion as is fact and that&;s who these
0.04 people are I&;m Christian so everything I
0.04 interpret out of the Bible is fact which
0.04 is an entirely separate problem to not
0.04 only take somebody else&;s word but to
0.04 change it so that it fits your life and
0.04 then to say I&;m Christian they said that
0.04 instead of this is how I interpreted
0.04 what they said and it being completely
0.04 wrong I&;ll say this now and there&;s no
0.04 way that many people get this far in the
0.04 video I if you want to tell me that I
0.04 don&;t get to have an opinion about
0.04 religion or your religion okay I&;m just
0.04 going to ND my head of it but I think
0.04 generally you should be a good person or
0.04 at the very least try to be one and
0.04 that&;s where I am if you ask me whether
0.04 or not I think I&;m a good person I&;m
0.04 going to say no I do not think that I am
0.04 but I think that in every situation
0.04 where I&;m given a choice I try to make
0.04 the right one the one that would be the
0.04 one done by good people I don&;t need
0.04 religion to tell me to do that I don&;t
0.04 need the idea of going to hell to say
0.04 maybe we shouldn&;t try and hurt other
0.04 people and I think you need to stop
0.04 living your life the way that you think
0.04 the Bible is telling you to do so and
0.04 you should live your life in the way
0.04 that&;s best for you and hope that that
0.04 aligns with your morals I ended up
0.04 getting married at 30 and so I had some
0.04 not you know I know there are people who
0.04 have been single a lot longer than me
0.04 but for each of us it&;s like okay what
0.04 what am I going to do with these extra
0.04 single years and I will tell you it was
0.04 hard for a while when your friends are
0.04 getting married and you&;re like wow
0.04 maybe I&;m never going to get to
0.04 experience this gift of intimacy this
0.04 gift of sex with a man and you know
0.04 we&;re like those like please God don&;t
0.04 let the Rapture come don&;t have the
0.04 second return until I can get married
0.04 you know we all have those prayers I
0.04 know I wasn&;t the only one like I mean
0.04 it&;s gon to be great to be in heaven but
0.04 can I please get married first you know
0.04 like we all do that um and so for me it
0.04 was coming to this place of God like I
0.04 know you&;re a good they think they are
0.04 just so much more relatable than they
0.04 are we&;re Allin until 30 am I right all
0.04 of you guys
0.04 are so maybe they are relatable and I&;m
0.04 just a hater God and I know you have a
0.04 good plan for my life so if you do not
0.04 have marriage in my future can I live a
0.04 purposeful like thriving life and I&;m
0.04 going to tell you it took some work it
0.04 took some you know intentional
0.04 mentorship with Godly women I had to
0.04 really dig into the word and evaluate my
0.04 heart and really grow in this area but I
0.04 I came to this point where I was able to
0.04 say you know God if you do have me
0.04 single for the rest of my life I can
0.04 thrive in this season and I&;m telling
0.04 you I know for some of you you&;re
0.04 thinking like that&;s impossible like I
0.04 do not want that like please don&;t even
0.04 speak those words um but it is possible
0.04 and I&;m telling you the last few years
0.04 of my singleness I look back with so
0.04 much joy and so much like I loved those
0.04 years of my life uh because I had really
0.04 entered into this place of saying God
0.04 I&;m here to live for you and I&;m gon to
0.04 embrace these single years with the
0.04 benefits that come with singleness like
0.04 a lot of schedule flexibility being able
0.04 to kind of pick up and just go and do
0.04 you know a trip or travel or invest in
0.04 ways into wait yes I understand that but
0.04 wouldn&;t you in this situation want to
0.04 do all that with your
0.04 partner like oh darn I&;m so glad that I
0.04 don&;t have a partner so that I could
0.04 travel I think a lot of people don&;t
0.04 want to do stuff like that alone and to
0.04 other people that I haven&;t you can you
0.04 know like marriage and singleness is
0.04 different and there are um differences
0.04 that single women can Embrace that are
0.04 harder for married women and so entering
0.04 into that and saying wow how can I use
0.04 my life my time my body in ways that are
0.04 glorifying to you but that are fully
0.04 thriving in this season um and so I just
0.04 want to encourage you it is possible um
0.04 not in your own strength you have to
0.04 really really you know dig deep into
0.04 your relationship with Christ spending
0.04 time with him getting mentors um really
0.04 filling your mind with truth um and
0.04 getting discipled by Godly women being
0.04 in a community within your church those
0.04 are the things that are going to really
0.04 help you in that direction but that&;s
0.04 just a word of Hope to know that all
0.04 came down to just if you don&;t want to
0.04 worry about having sex if you don&;t want
0.04 to have this like overwhelming daily
0.04 anxiety about being just stay busy
0.04 they&;re going to tell you to do it
0.04 through church I&;m going to tell you to
0.04 find a hobby that you enjoy are single
0.04 women who have never had sex and who are
0.04 fully thriving in their you know
0.04 relationship with Christ so I just hope
0.04 that encourages you a little bit I&;m
0.04 sure a lot of single women who are
0.04 listening are feeling encouraged by that
0.04 hopeful picture of like wow that is
0.04 where I want to get but I am guessing a
0.04 lot of them just like I was for many
0.04 years are not in that place yet and
0.04 they&;re in that place of struggle
0.04 they&;re in that place of even wrestling
0.04 with like well you know masturbation
0.04 seems like a great way to have a sexual
0.04 release in my singleness um I know
0.04 marriage isn&;t anywhere on the horizon
0.04 soon I see this bigger picture of God&;s
0.04 design for sex and marriage it&;s
0.04 beautiful I want to re you know I want
0.04 to have reverence and respect and uphold
0.04 that pursue that you know but I&;m not
0.04 there yet and I have a very strong
0.04 strong sex drive and I&;m struggling and
0.04 it&;s something that I just feel like I
0.04 can&;t break free from and so I think
0.04 this would be a great time to talk
0.04 specifically to single women who are in
0.04 that place of struggle and who are even
0.04 questioning like if it&;s really a big
0.04 deal or not like I&;ve heard I&;ve heard
0.04 this from many single women I even
0.04 thought this myself for many years like
0.04 you know I know this isn&;t okay listen I
0.04 say I don&;t have friends I don&;t have
0.04 friends I have too many people who think
0.04 I&;m their friend so they tell me too
0.04 much stop it I didn&;t ask that being
0.04 said I know too much about some of you
0.04 people I know plenty of people who are
0.04 into their 20s mid 20s late 20s and have
0.04 either not had sex in a decade or never
0.04 had sex at all and they do not think
0.04 this hard about it dude some of them are
0.04 kind of like yeah you it be nice but
0.04 that&;s it they move
0.04 on they turn on their twitch stream and
0.04 they shiny hunt that could be so many
0.04 different people you&;ll never know I
0.04 know and I don&;t want to know if you
0.04 want to have sex consider just having
0.04 sex if you want to go DJ go DJ girl only
0.04 person that&;s going to judge you is your
0.04 sister now it&;s at you and at you you&;ll
0.04 be fine I even thought this myself for
0.04 many years like you know I know this
0.04 isn&;t the best like I know it&;s very
0.04 lustfield fantasy driven I don&;t think
0.04 what&;s happening is really honoring to
0.04 God or his Covenant for marriage this
0.04 like sexual act of Master ation but is
0.04 it really hurting anyone like is it
0.04 really that big of a deal does God
0.04 really care that much and so I just want
0.04 to speak to women who single women
0.04 specifically who are in that place
0.04 because I can relate I remember thinking
0.04 so many of those same things and like I
0.04 said earlier I think for me I didn&;t
0.04 have that bigger framework I wasn&;t
0.04 operating from that bigger framework of
0.04 what is God&;s design for sex and I kind
0.04 of viewed masturbation as like a
0.04 separate act like you know it&;s just
0.04 like you know it&;s just orgasm like it&;s
0.04 really not that big of a deal but it
0.04 wasn&;t until I really understood like
0.04 the Holiness of marriage the like the
0.04 intentionality of marriage how much
0.04 respect and reverence God had for it and
0.04 how although masturbation has never
0.04 mentioned in the Bible I think we could
0.04 all agree that it is a sexual act I
0.04 wasn&;t going to I was actually going to
0.04 make a joke of being about like do you
0.04 think she had one of those moments where
0.04 she&;s like staring at her hand and goes
0.04 oh what have I done but then that hit me
0.04 we introduce your reproductive organs
0.04 into this conversation and then we have
0.04 to introduce whether or not they are
0.04 inherently sexual
0.04 are they used for that yeah but like
0.04 that could be anything else right there
0.04 are plenty of parts of you that are used
0.04 for sex that are inherently sexual is
0.04 masturbation inherently sexual when
0.04 there are plenty of people who do not
0.04 have a sex drive who still do it because
0.04 it feels good so I guess it can be and I
0.04 don&;t think it has to be is what I guess
0.04 I&;m getting at I think if you consider
0.04 it one when you&;re doing it yourself
0.04 then it is and I think that&;s fine for
0.04 her to say but that&;s entirely different
0.04 than being like it is period I think we
0.04 could all agree that it is a sexual act
0.04 I don&;t really think there&;s any other
0.04 category you can draw masturbation in
0.04 that it would fit other than the fact
0.04 that it is a sexual act right I mean you
0.04 are stimulating your genitals as a
0.04 single person for orgasm and so as we
0.04 think about this and as we think about
0.04 this act orgasm itself is also something
0.04 that I don&;t think has to be sexual
0.04 right because uh I don&;t think sperm
0.04 donation has to be it&;s just words I
0.04 think we could find our way in and out
0.04 of this in whatever way we want and I&;m
0.04 never going to convince her she&;s never
0.04 going to convince me that we&;re leaning
0.04 into although it feels so natural it
0.04 feels like it&;s just such a natural
0.04 expression of our sex drive like I get
0.04 that 100% we really have to ask these
0.04 questions not is it a sin is it not I
0.04 don&;t see this word in the Bible so it&;s
0.04 not a big deal but these are some of the
0.04 questions that we POS in our PDF
0.04 resource that we created finding freedom
0.04 from masturbation that just released
0.04 last week last week and these are the
0.04 questions that we should be asking
0.04 questions I wish I had known to ask
0.04 earlier in my struggle as a single woman
0.04 one is masturbation in line with God&;s
0.04 design and purpose for sex and intimacy
0.04 and like we&;ve talked about sex and
0.04 intimacy were created for marriage it
0.04 wasn&;t a random act that God gave to all
0.04 people it was a celebration of Covenant
0.04 that God gave for a husband and wife
0.04 that is where sex was that&;s where God
0.04 placed it that was his choice and so as
0.04 we engage in masturbation stimulating
0.04 our genitals to orgasm is that in line
0.04 with God&;s purpose and plan as we see in
0.04 scripture we have to be really honest
0.04 about about she&;s also now driving away
0.04 from the definition she read earlier
0.04 because earlier said especially with the
0.04 drive towards orgasm and now she&;s like
0.04 but when you&;re stimulating yourself to
0.04 orgasm so like you got to pick one girl
0.04 answering this question and then number
0.04 two say just to jump in it&;s not just
0.04 saying the I think it&;s like most of the
0.04 time at least from women I&;ve talked to
0.04 it&;s connected to what the mind is doing
0.04 as well so I think it&;s like link those
0.04 two together like what is your mind
0.04 doing from most women we&;ve heard of
0.04 it&;s a fantasizing about someone that is
0.04 not their spouse as their master or
0.04 watching porn in conjunction with it
0.04 yeah and sadly our society has taken I
0.04 have to ask Lee questions now such a
0.04 hard turn toward embracing all things
0.04 pornography erotica we are told as women
0.04 it&;s completely normal this is
0.04 absolutely natural to embrace your sex
0.04 drive in this way to orgasm watching
0.04 porn reading erotica looking at very
0.04 sexualized pictures um that is all very
0.04 nor over or under at least one of them
0.04 has read the atatar series right that&;s
0.04 what it&;s called one of them has to have
0.04 not the one that listens bad this one
0.04 this one has it all on audiobook
0.04 normalized in our society so it I can
0.04 understand why it might feel like wow
0.04 this seems extreme but as Christians we
0.04 have to remember that we are not called
0.04 to do things according to the world
0.04 we&;re called to be set apart we&;re
0.04 called to pursue Christ and His glory
0.04 and to embrace God&;s design and his plan
0.04 and let&;s remember those studies that
0.04 Bethany mentioned earlier ultimately
0.04 even the world oftentimes comes around
0.04 to realizing that God&;s way is the
0.04 better way even though they don&;t say
0.04 it&;s God&;s design they start living in
0.04 accordance to it because God&;s design is
0.04 one of order it&;s one that helps us
0.04 Thrive dude that&;s again it&;s so stupid
0.04 what they&;re saying is God&;s design made
0.04 it so that you breathe do you breathe
0.04 yes so then you&;re a child of God bring
0.04 him glory whether we even realize it or
0.04 not his ways are always right always
0.04 good so yes the mind and the body are
0.04 very connected for me 100% that was true
0.04 I could not masturbate without having
0.04 some sort of lustful sexual fantasy
0.04 going on in my mind like 100% true for
0.04 me and I know as I&;ve talked to women I
0.04 don&;t think I&;ve ever met one that&;s
0.04 like no I just I read scripture and
0.04 masturbate and it&;s great like I don&;t
0.04 really think that&;s happening you know I
0.04 think she&;s doing the thing that
0.04 religious people tend to do where she&;s
0.04 like this is my experience so it&;s the
0.04 World Experience
0.04 whereas I&;m how many of us had some sort
0.04 of camp counselor once who was like I&;m
0.04 super religious because I was addicted
0.04 to porn and they&;re like we all get into
0.04 it right we&;re all addicted to porn at
0.04 some point well the way I got out was uh
0.04 you know believ in God and it&;s just
0.04 like I don&;t think that&;s a universal
0.04 experience bro I don&;t really think
0.04 that&;s happening you know so asking
0.04 these questions is so important um is
0.04 masturbation an authentic expression of
0.04 sexual pleasure within marriage and as
0.04 single women we&;re not even married
0.04 right so there&;s no way that we can that
0.04 we can masturbate within a marital
0.04 relationship to even enjoy pleasure with
0.04 our spouse there&;s no spouse so there&;s
0.04 no intimacy it&;s just a solo act of us
0.04 pursu pursuing pleasure for ourselves so
0.04 it cannot be an authentic expression of
0.04 sexual pleasure within marriage because
0.04 there&;s no marriage and then lastly does
0.04 masturbation help me pursue a heart of
0.04 Purity before God I know for myself like
0.04 I said that it it was not helping me it
0.04 was not helping me pursue Holiness
0.04 Purity even it wasn&;t helping me pursue
0.04 satisfaction in my singleness of God
0.04 you&;ve given me this sex drive but how
0.04 can I use my energy my body for your
0.04 good to serve other For Your Glory and
0.04 in our PDF guide we break down eight
0.04 very practical steps that you can take
0.04 that personally helped me on my journey
0.04 to eventually finding freedom in my
0.04 singleness I did reach a place where I I
0.04 was able to conquer that sin and I want
0.04 I hope that&;s hopeful for you in your
0.04 singleness to think okay it is possible
0.04 to get to a place where you can have
0.04 Victory it doesn&;t have to be a forever
0.04 struggle but it&;s so important that we
0.04 get back to the basics of the framework
0.04 of our understanding of marriage of
0.04 sexual intimacy what honor this would be
0.04 such a good time to have a blessed
0.04 sponsorship what doesn&;t um Purity
0.04 Holiness in our mind and then even our
0.04 bodies and our sex drive and learning
0.04 how to take all of that pent up energy
0.04 that we feel like we&;re just going to
0.04 explode like learning how to take that
0.04 energy and pursue good things for others
0.04 I know you mentioned Bethany in your
0.04 singleness as the more you looked
0.04 outward the more you poured into others
0.04 serving looked for ways to bless people
0.04 um even for me practical things like
0.04 exercise very helpful like I&;ve got all
0.04 this pent up sex drive like okay I don&;t
0.04 just have to sit here and cry about it
0.04 like I can go run
0.04 you know I can go do like a little
0.04 weight workout or something to just like
0.04 exert some energy so she does kles with
0.04 the Tik Tock lady and I do too I do a
0.04 lot of kles so just thinking of your
0.04 body being in tune with your body and I
0.04 know Bethany you&;ve talked a lot about
0.04 this just on your own Instagram account
0.04 of like as single women understanding
0.04 our sex drive but Understanding God&;s
0.04 call and then saying okay I&;ve got all
0.04 this pent up energy how can I use this
0.04 to serve others to be aware of what&;s
0.04 going on in my body um but to exert this
0.04 energy in a way that&;s going to be
0.04 god-honoring
0.04 yeah I think that&;s huge because we
0.04 don&;t want to become at war with our
0.04 body like God created us with bodies
0.04 just like I talked about his you know
0.04 death and Resurrection wouldn&;t have
0.04 been possible without his body so the
0.04 body is important the body is valuable I
0.04 love the work that Nancy piery has done
0.04 even in her book love thy body um we&;ve
0.04 had her on the podcasts um Dr Julie
0.04 Slattery she&;s written a book um sex and
0.04 the single girl we had her on the
0.04 podcast we have an episode she also kind
0.04 of talks about this stuff but it&;s not
0.04 becoming at war with your body and
0.04 saying okay be because I struggle with
0.04 masturbation I just want to disassociate
0.04 from my body and then one day when I get
0.04 married I just need to turn the switch
0.04 and say okay not my body is a good thing
0.04 like don&;t view your body as the enemy
0.04 view it as something that beautiful that
0.04 God gave you that you can use in the
0.04 right context right now they skip over
0.04 what should be the important parts of
0.04 conversation in this topic and it should
0.04 be you should know what it is that you
0.04 want so that you and your partner can
0.04 experience that communication that they
0.04 talked about earlier when she was was
0.04 like oh she wasn&;t talking about
0.04 marriage but she said Communication in
0.04 sex so she must mean marriage a
0.04 Christian
0.04 marriage brother I got to tell you
0.04 people who do not have sex at all before
0.04 marriage are probably a little bit
0.04 behind people who do in terms of what
0.04 they like and what they want out of
0.04 their partner in that situation that&;s
0.04 just what that is I&;m not saying you
0.04 should or you shouldn&;t you should do
0.04 what you want to do and not just listen
0.04 to people who are going to tell you to
0.04 do what they did or people like her like
0.04 I I masturbated so much and you know
0.04 like it just wasn&;t the right thing to
0.04 do so then I got married so you
0.04 shouldn&;t masturbate it&;s like dog if
0.04 you want to do it do it I don&;t know how
0.04 you have to think this hard about it if
0.04 God didn&;t want you to masturbate he
0.04 would have given you T-Rex arms like
0.04 Michael said earlier if you wouldn&;t be
0.04 able to reach it then you would know oh
0.04 okay yeah cool so like Kristen mentioned
0.04 exercising can be such a beautiful thing
0.04 and I would encourage you sometimes take
0.04 off the headphones don&;t listen to music
0.04 like exercise and notice what your
0.04 body&;s doing like feeling your muscles
0.04 feeling how you know the sweat feels on
0.04 your skin stuff like that can really
0.04 help you to see the beauty and how God
0.04 these people are so self-absorbed that
0.04 if they did that they would turn
0.04 themselves on and then they have to
0.04 masturbate if like people like her just
0.04 sat there and went oh my muscles oh my
0.04 sweat oh where is his hand going no
0.04 bad then they like that they hit
0.04 themselves created your body and not
0.04 make it the enemy so when I was single I
0.04 decided to to train for a marathon which
0.04 was very extreme um but it really it was
0.04 such a great it happens it happens every
0.04 woman ever has at some point said
0.04 they&;re going to run a marathon it&;s
0.04 like men and saying we&;re going to move
0.04 out into the middle of the woods it just
0.04 happens men are like I&;m going to go
0.04 live out in the cabin in the middle of
0.04 the woods and be alone and women are
0.04 like I can run a marathon if you&;re NB
0.04 you pick one goal and such a great use
0.04 of my body and I had the time as a
0.04 single woman to train for that so like
0.04 Kristen mentioned exercise that&;s a
0.04 great thing that you can do another
0.04 great thing God designed Us in um to
0.04 enjoy um and to appreciate physical
0.04 contact in nonsexual ways so you know if
0.04 you&;re someone who has a really good
0.04 friends or you come from a big family um
0.04 just those hugs can release great
0.04 hormones and it&;s you know studies show
0.04 that you know we should have so many
0.04 hugs in our day just on in a non-sexual
0.04 way so making sure that you&;re in
0.04 community if you don&;t have family
0.04 around where you have that nonsexual
0.04 physical touch even like volunteering in
0.04 the nursery at your church something
0.04 like where you are able to have or even
0.04 getting a pet I mean there are literally
0.04 like ways that you can have that
0.04 connection um to other living beings
0.04 that is completely nonsexual but really
0.04 helps you to embrace um God&;s good
0.04 design for just connection with others
0.04 and so practically looking at your life
0.04 and saying are there things that are
0.04 missing I mean I would say uh Dr Julie
0.04 slaughtery mentioned this she said
0.04 boredom is a huge reason for single
0.04 women that they can end up getting into
0.04 this place of struggling with
0.04 masturbation because they just don&;t
0.04 have enough going on in their life they
0.04 don&;t have enough purpose they don&;t
0.04 have again you don&;t have to do it in
0.04 church just find a hobby you should find
0.04 something that you enjoy doing as
0.04 nothing to do with God or masturbation
0.04 just go find a hobby everyone should
0.04 have something enough to think about and
0.04 so they just kind of end up defaulting
0.04 at night into masturbation and so making
0.04 sure that your life has a lot of purpose
0.04 that you have direction that you have a
0.04 lot going on in a good way you know that
0.04 like I said getting involved in your
0.04 church getting involved in singles
0.04 groups serving um making sure that you
0.04 have a good meaningful job work to do
0.04 like we were created for all of that um
0.04 and I think the more that you can aim
0.04 your life towards good things the easier
0.04 it&;s going to be to put off those sinful
0.04 habits and we&;re not going to be able to
0.04 get into all the Practical strategies in
0.04 this podcast you can go back and listen
0.04 to Kristen&;s story um we&;ll link it
0.04 below you can just search on our podcast
0.04 masturbation we have another episode but
0.04 then I would really encourage you if you
0.04 are someone you&;re saying yes I am a
0.04 single woman or a married woman who is
0.04 struggling with this lust filled fantasy
0.04 driven like apart from a covenant you
0.04 know marriage apart from my spouse um I
0.04 I need some help I need some freedom I
0.04 definitely recommend grabbing the guide
0.04 that is for sure for you but I do want
0.04 to have a quick word to the married
0.04 women Kristen we promised them we would
0.04 talk today so&;ve married women here we
0.04 are yes well married women fall in such
0.04 a different Camp because you fall within
0.04 the category of people who are within a
0.04 covenant relationship where sexual
0.04 intimacy is not only encouraged in the
0.04 Bible but it&;s celebrated it&;s right and
0.04 good we have an entire book called The
0.04 Song of Solomon which I know most of us
0.04 are aware of where it is a beautiful
0.04 book highlighting the sexual intimacy
0.04 between a husband and wife painting this
0.04 incredible picture of intimacy a
0.04 pleasure of arousal of pursuing of all
0.04 of the body parts like it is a very
0.04 explicit very beautiful picture of
0.04 sexual intimacy in marriage and so as
0.04 married women we fall in this camp where
0.04 you will not convince me that the other
0.04 one does not have like something playing
0.04 like a little Netflix or Hulu player in
0.04 the corner that she can just stare at
0.04 while this one&;s talking sex is a good
0.04 where it is something we can Embrace
0.04 where we can pursue but also because of
0.04 sin I know that impacts so much of our
0.04 our sex life even in marriage and
0.04 there&;s a lot that we need to work
0.04 through as husband and wife and
0.04 different desires struggles things from
0.04 the past and so I know in marriage it&;s
0.04 not like it&;s all just cut and dry black
0.04 and white like go for it but something
0.04 that I think that Bethany you also talk
0.04 a lot about is that in marriage I think
0.04 so often we place a lot of extra
0.04 boundaries on what would be considered
0.04 okay or what would even be considered
0.04 Godly within our marital relationship
0.04 and often times these boundaries these
0.04 restrictions they&;re coming from extra
0.04 Biblical teaching like it&;s not even
0.04 things that we see in scripture it&;s
0.04 just things that maybe we&;ve heard from
0.04 other Christians or we&;ve been raised in
0.04 a certain line of thinking and so we get
0.04 older and we feel very trapped almost
0.04 like okay it&;s like Purity Purity Purity
0.04 before marriage and then you get married
0.04 and it&;s like anything goes but like H
0.04 is everything really okay I don&;t know
0.04 how to navigate this there can be a lot
0.04 of Shame a lot of Confusion And so I
0.04 think as Christian women we need to
0.04 recognize that we we should not add more
0.04 boundaries than what scripture gives us
0.04 for our marital relationship that in a
0.04 marital relationship it should be as we
0.04 see in Scripture that it is a man and a
0.04 woman in a loving committed Covenant
0.04 marriage both pursuing one another in
0.04 love and that sexual intimacy should be
0.04 a beautiful place of exploration of
0.04 pleasure where the focus of each spouse
0.04 is to serve one another when selfishness
0.04 and sin demands manipulation when like
0.04 that enter the marriage covenant that is
0.04 not a beautiful expression of sex and I
0.04 think we just need to acknowledge that
0.04 there are unbiblical sinful ways to
0.04 pursue in a marriage to pursue sex that
0.04 are not in line with God&;s heart for
0.04 love for kindness for serving one
0.04 another for selflessness like those are
0.04 all like characteristics of Love That
0.04 should also be on full display in our
0.04 marriage B it should be this Mutual
0.04 giving and receiving of enjoying
0.04 pleasure of giving pleasure with one
0.04 another and I know we a lot of questions
0.04 a lot of DMS Bethy from married women
0.04 who were saying well I&;m I don&;t
0.04 understand like what about masturbation
0.04 in marriage specifically so addressing
0.04 some of the DMS that we got and and
0.04 specifically addressing we I&;ll have our
0.04 own Instagrams Twitter&;s YouTube
0.04 channels you&;re allowed to sit here and
0.04 state your
0.04 opinions oh brother but you got to stop
0.04 asking people like this for advice what
0.04 do you think if you&;re one of these
0.04 married women supposedly asking one of
0.04 these people for advice what do you
0.04 think what do you think what do you want
0.04 confirmed the thing about specifically
0.04 people like this masturbating within
0.04 their marriages is it&;s one of a couple
0.04 of things one either it&;s something you
0.04 do with your partner or it&;s exact
0.04 opposite so why would you do it alone
0.04 your partner is probably not good at it
0.04 if you&;re having sex for the first time
0.04 after you&;re married with this person
0.04 and it&;s their first time too they&;re
0.04 probably not good at it we talked about
0.04 that earlier or are you someone who
0.04 wants to do wants to have multiple
0.04 orgasms in a day
0.04 and so your partners aren&;t always there
0.04 and so you&;re like I&;ll just take care
0.04 of it I&;ll just play DJ Hero and you
0.04 should just do whatever you want dog
0.04 really if this is what you believe if
0.04 you believe in a God in the heaven and a
0.04 Jesus
0.04 and you have been a good person and you
0.04 just masturbate a lot I don&;t think
0.04 you&;re going to get up to heaven and
0.04 God&;s going to
0.04 go we already have a DJ and it&;s DJ khed
0.04 just DJ khaled&;s not going to happen if
0.04 there&;s a reason for going to hell it&;s
0.04 for not going down on your wife you do
0.04 not go down on your wife you&;re going
0.04 down in your life that was so stupid
0.04 true but stupid like I did not have to
0.04 say that or that way but I do believe it
0.04 and you know what if you do go down on
0.04 your wife but you&;re bad at it still
0.04 hell so shut up put your shame aside and
0.04 do something about it watch tutorial if
0.04 you have to masturbation in marriage is
0.04 something that we&;ve never fully talked
0.04 about yes so I think that&;s where the
0.04 definition that you mentioned at the
0.04 beginning gets a little bit um uh
0.04 confusing when you get married because I
0.04 would say that that definition is a
0.04 great definition for our single women
0.04 but when you get married um there is you
0.04 know it&;s really like a a team act you
0.04 know it&;s like you are in this together
0.04 and that&;s I love how you said we
0.04 shouldn&;t okay but that&;s so funny
0.04 imagine like you&;re in the middle of sex
0.04 and your partner&;s just not doing it for
0.04 you so you&;re like tag me in and you
0.04 take care of yourself it works right add
0.04 things to a team act you know it&;s like
0.04 you are in this together and that&;s I
0.04 love how you said we shouldn&;t add
0.04 things to scripture because I you know I
0.04 had a friend who messaged me and said
0.04 that you know one of her mom&;s pieces of
0.04 advice to her before she got married was
0.04 you can have fun but just make sure you
0.04 don&;t have too much fun like somehow
0.04 having too much fun why are all of your
0.04 friends messaging you about sex dude
0.04 like that&;s kind of a lot fun sexually
0.04 with your husband is like crossing a
0.04 line and I&;m sure you have heard things
0.04 and so one of my favorites Francy
0.04 Winslow she runs the podcast heaven in
0.04 your home highly recommend if you&;re
0.04 married but she encouraged us to ask us
0.04 ask the question
0.04 who told you that and it&;s basically
0.04 like if you have a question about
0.04 something within your marriage like you
0.04 know this is specifically for married
0.04 women so I&;m going to be a little bit
0.04 blunt here if you&;re sing the problem
0.04 with asking people specifically like
0.04 them who told you that is that they go
0.04 God God said that it&;s in the scripture
0.04 the scripture says bro take your hand
0.04 out your pants stop that I don&;t like
0.04 that why are you still going you know
0.04 this is specifically for married women
0.04 so I&;m going to be a little bit blunt
0.04 here if you&;re single you can kind of
0.04 like pass over this part we don&;t want
0.04 to encourage any um further struggle so
0.04 maybe just skip the next five minutes uh
0.04 but for married women it&;s questions
0.04 like is oral okay um is it okay for me
0.04 to um help stimulate myself while my
0.04 husband and I are together things like
0.04 that and in what I see in scripture
0.04 there is no boundary against those
0.04 things the scripture is very clear that
0.04 things like fornication having sex
0.04 outside of marriage adultery having sex
0.04 with someone that is not your spouse
0.04 homosexuality lustful passions um joking
0.04 those are the things that scripture is
0.04 against but when you get into wait what
0.04 was the last one so I saying Jesus said
0.04 what if we just soak instead am I going
0.04 to hell is against but when you get into
0.04 the Book of solong Solomon you see a
0.04 groom and a bride going to town you know
0.04 you just see them having all sorts of
0.04 fun all sorts of exploration all sorts
0.04 of positions all sorts of touchings body
0.04 parts everywhere I mean it is just left
0.04 up to our own imagination interpretation
0.04 and I think Christian couples should be
0.04 the ones having the most most fun being
0.04 the most I don&;t know there&;s like
0.04 things I won&;t touch right like if I was
0.04 single I would probably open stuff like
0.04 the ultimate course for a Christian
0.04 woman and stuff like that and like go
0.04 through it and like on stream or in a
0.04 video but I think if I say too much then
0.04 it brings my partner into it right and
0.04 she&;s like not hard to find she&;s a
0.04 twitch
0.04 streamer um and so there&;s things that
0.04 people do not need to know about me or
0.04 her or us most interpretation and I
0.04 think Christian couples should be the
0.04 ones having the most fun being the most
0.04 creative exploring the most when you
0.04 think about it if you say within a
0.04 marriage relationship like okay well you
0.04 know this hand here this body part here
0.04 is okay this position missionary is The
0.04 Godly like where the heck are we getting
0.04 that from you know really stop and ask
0.04 yourself told you that that&;s okay or
0.04 not okay because if missionary cannot be
0.04 fun for these people it&;s like they do
0.04 not want to well I guess they have the
0.04 whole thing about like how they keep
0.04 their eyes closed right 10% of women can
0.04 orgasm while looking at their partner
0.04 and so they have keep their eyes closed
0.04 if we go to scripture you&;re going to
0.04 see a lot of that stuff is just pulled
0.04 out of nowhere that someone told you um
0.04 I Heard on there&;s a podcast called um
0.04 sex chat for Christian wives and it&;s
0.04 like three or four older married ladies
0.04 who&;ve been married forever and they
0.04 just they talk about everything and
0.04 they&;ve been super helpful in this area
0.04 and they said within marriage there
0.04 shouldn&;t be any secrets so if you are
0.04 engaging in an act or doing something
0.04 that your spouse does not know about
0.04 that is a huge red flag so if you and
0.04 your your spouse have a question
0.04 question like okay uh I would like to be
0.04 a part of helping stimulate myself while
0.04 we&;re having intimacy because men or
0.04 women are different and sometimes that
0.04 can really help is that something that
0.04 you are doing together that he knows
0.04 about that he is on board with that
0.04 you&;re on board with that&;s a discussion
0.04 that you two can have that you can be a
0.04 part of uh that&;s not a discussion that
0.04 is if this is the situation you&;re in if
0.04 you&;re in a in a marriage man woman sex
0.04 within sex you as a woman want to touch
0.04 yourself that&;s not a conversation
0.04 that&;s mention
0.04 if you have to have a full conversation
0.04 on it and your your husband is like
0.04 don&;t do that I don&;t like that leave
0.04 him I don&;t even think you have to
0.04 mention it it&;s your body I don&;t know I
0.04 don&;t think you should have to have full
0.04 permission from your husband to do
0.04 whatever you want do whatever you want
0.04 my my whole thing dude is you should be
0.04 the person you want to be and do the
0.04 things you want to
0.04 do and you will do them within the
0.04 boundaries of your relationship it&;s
0.04 like
0.04 cheating you probably shouldn&;t cheat on
0.04 your partner I don&;t think you have to
0.04 be explicitly told not to cheat on your
0.04 partner if you were someone who&;s not
0.04 going to cheat you&;re just not going to
0.04 cheat and if you&;re someone who is
0.04 that&;s passive boundary and I don&;t
0.04 think you have to like have a whole
0.04 conversation about that there are plenty
0.04 of things like hey I don&;t like this hey
0.04 let&;s not do this sure but touching your
0.04 own body unless you&;re into like
0.04 permission play or whatever that&;s
0.04 called where like you want them to say
0.04 yes you&;re allowed to don&;t ask for
0.04 permission as a woman to touch her own
0.04 body from your husband dude you know
0.04 there&;s been a lot of encouragement for
0.04 Christian married women within marriage
0.04 to make sure they know their body they
0.04 know what parts are where they know what
0.04 feels good and that&;s going to look
0.04 different for everyone and comfort
0.04 levels in that way are going to look
0.04 different for everyone but I think the
0.04 most important thing is making sure that
0.04 you and your husband are communicating
0.04 and you two are coming up and deciding
0.04 for yourselves what&;s okay for you two
0.04 and what&;s not is long as it&;s not those
0.04 things that we I just mentioned to you
0.04 which comes from a blog post um by Julie
0.04 Slattery called what&;s okay in the
0.04 bedroom I&;ll link below so as long as
0.04 you&;re not directly going against
0.04 scripture bringing pornography in
0.04 bringing a third person things like that
0.04 if you are not lusting after another man
0.04 as you&;re having sex stuff like that um
0.04 then it&;s really God gives a lot of
0.04 freedom and that&;s beautiful so instead
0.04 of stressing so much in your marriage
0.04 like is this okay can I put my hand here
0.04 can he put his hand here can I do this
0.04 like communicate as a couple be prayer
0.04 ful about it but I would say we need to
0.04 be um less putting these extra
0.04 boundaries on ourselves within marriage
0.04 than not especially in the Christian
0.04 Circle um so that&;s why I have a little
0.04 bit of an issue with the definition when
0.04 it comes to the married couple because I
0.04 think that can add some stuff that might
0.04 not actually be prohibited from
0.04 scripture does that make sense yeah yeah
0.04 that makes sense and in fact it&;s
0.04 interesting you say that because in the
0.04 dictionary there are two definitions for
0.04 masturbation one and two and the second
0.04 one I feel like applies more to mared
0.04 people it says so the second definition
0.04 States the stimulation by manual or
0.04 other means exclusive of sexual
0.04 intercourse of another&;s genitals
0.04 especially to orgasm and so in some ways
0.04 I feel like that could be more in line
0.04 because masturbation is the stimulation
0.04 of one&;s or genitals to orgasm but it
0.04 could be your s stimulating them or some
0.04 other means um you may not necessarily
0.04 be having full-blown intercourse um but
0.04 there is orgasm happening and so like
0.04 you said in that place of intimacy
0.04 between that man and wife wife there
0.04 might be moments where it helpful for
0.04 you to stimulate for the pleasure of
0.04 both of you mutually you know men and
0.04 women are built very different the waybe
0.04 orgasm is very different and so I feel
0.04 like that could be more helpful where it
0.04 doesn&;t mean it just has to be you
0.04 stimulating it could be or it could be
0.04 your husband it doesn&;t necessarily mean
0.04 that you&;re having intercourse but the
0.04 where is this in the Bible I&;m sure
0.04 somewhere in the Bible it talks about
0.04 giving your neighbor a hand goal is
0.04 orgasm pleasure so yeah there&;s a lot of
0.04 nuance we can&;t address every single
0.04 last thing if you&;re married our
0.04 greatest encouragement would be for you
0.04 to have open communication with your
0.04 husband about all of this to look at
0.04 God&;s word together and say is what
0.04 we&;re pursuing in line with God&;s
0.04 beautiful boundaries for intimacy for
0.04 Purity Holiness that also applies to
0.04 marriages like Bethany said we&;re not
0.04 bringing pornography we&;re not bringing
0.04 other things in it&;s holy and pure
0.04 between the two of us is that what&;s
0.04 happening and or are we also adding a
0.04 lot of extra rules boundaries things
0.04 that are causing a lot of fear within
0.04 our intimacy that aren&;t actually found
0.04 in scripture are we losing our ability
0.04 to celebrate fully because we&;re fearful
0.04 that we might be sinning in some way
0.04 like go to the Lord together study learn
0.04 grow from Godly biblically based gospel
0.04 centered resources people who have
0.04 entire Ministries based on this and
0.04 we&;ll link a lot of resources below but
0.04 our greatest encouragement is that you
0.04 and your husband need to go to the Lord
0.04 together have open communication
0.04 continue going to the word learning and
0.04 growing and then deciding for yourself
0.04 what is most faithful for the two of you
0.04 in the bedroom okay you have a final
0.04 word a final word because this is we
0.04 don&;t have a specific resource with girl
0.04 to find but this has been such a passion
0.04 of mine and I have only been married for
0.04 4 years and I&;ve just been like I&;ve had
0.04 so many questions so she&;s 35 I don&;t
0.04 know if I thought she was older or
0.04 younger than that I&;m going to be real
0.04 honest I can&;t tell and I have wanted to
0.04 find like Good gospel centered resources
0.04 to really have like super open and
0.04 honest conversations like Kristen and I
0.04 have and so I did create a resource it&;s
0.04 called the ultimate sex course for
0.04 Christian women and there&;s 11 sessions
0.04 whether you&;re engaged or married is
0.04 something that I would really invite you
0.04 to part be a part of um we everything
0.04 that krisen and I have talked about we
0.04 take like a thousand deep Dives and
0.04 learn from incredibly Godly women
0.04 experts who have studied this area who
0.04 have gone through their own struggles
0.04 and and have just they have so much to
0.04 offer so that&;s actually at my website
0.04 which is Bethany be.com I&;ll link it
0.04 below but if you&;re married I know yeah
0.04 I mean Kristen&;s been married for a long
0.04 time she&;s like she&;s more of an expert
0.04 in these ways I&;ve only been married for
0.04 four years but this is a source that has
0.04 been I&;m telling you it&;s been so
0.04 helpful for me and I just don&;t want our
0.04 married women to be like okay where are
0.04 the resources what where what&;s next um
0.04 so you can you can grab that and I think
0.04 that would be super helpful the frogs
0.04 are getting me in my throat but yeah I
0.04 will we&;ll go through we&;ll try to find
0.04 as many resources as we can um and we&;ll
0.04 link all of the most relevant podcasts
0.04 because this is only the start of
0.04 learning and growing I hope that this
0.04 just encourages you in Spurs you on to
0.04 say wow there is so much out there for
0.04 me to learn God does have a good design
0.04 like I can&;t wait to dig deeper like I&;m
0.04 excited whether single or married so
0.04 we&;ll differentiate those in the below
0.04 we&;ll put um like resources for single
0.04 women resources for married women so
0.04 that you can just this can just be the
0.04 start of the learning and growing and
0.04 really finding Freedom process Yes Y&;all
0.04 thank you for joining us for this
0.04 conversation we know it&;s a sensitive
0.04 one um it is one that not a lot of
0.04 people are talking about so we&;re we&;re
0.04 thankful that we can step into this
0.04 conversation that we can link arms
0.04 together um and we really hope that our
0.04 new resource the digital download you
0.04 can get it instantly um the one on
0.04 masturb so finding freedom from
0.04 masturbation um is something that we
0.04 hope can be a huge blessing and
0.04 encouragement to you I know so many
0.04 women have already purchased it
0.04 downloaded it and we&;re we pray that it
0.04 is a really big encouragement in just
0.04 offering that Gospel Center perspective
0.04 on marriage and then I mean on sexual
0.04 intimacy sex in general and then also
0.04 just offering some really practical
0.04 steps
0.04 unfortunately like in the other videos
0.04 they have accidentally stumbled onto
0.04 some good advice right this time it was
0.04 about communication but it&;s such a
0.04 small pebble in this like island of much
0.04 too sharp rocks that they&;ve created the
0.04 small small pebble of good advice was
0.04 hey communicate but also it&;s within
0.04 your sexist marriage or within your
0.04 marriage where you just finally get to
0.04 have sex you&;re 35 now you just spent 10
0.04 years 15 years 20 years regretting
0.04 masturbation and now you don&;t have to
0.04 anymore and so this entire thing is
0.04 really weird something that I do and
0.04 don&;t get because I&;ve talked about it a
0.04 lot is the idea of I did this when I was
0.04 younger and I regret it however that
0.04 goes to like ways that people are
0.04 harmful normally it&;s people like oh I
0.04 used to be really angry all the time and
0.04 I realize that this was the actual
0.04 reason and so now I&;m not and I&;m going
0.04 to tell you about that so that hopefully
0.04 it helps you or it&;s stuff like uh I
0.04 used to not take care of myself in my
0.04 car now I do you should probably do that
0.04 earlier I didn&;t start going to the gym
0.04 until I was 30 you should consider going
0.04 when you&;re 20 stuff like that that is
0.04 just helpful it&;s not oh I masturbated
0.04 my entire 20s and now that I&;m married I
0.04 could tell you that like it&;s bad don&;t
0.04 do it God doesn&;t like it don&;t do it at
0.04 all I&;ve repented I&;m fixed you should
0.04 just not do it though stuff like that
0.04 that I don&;t get it feels so much safer
0.04 and so much better to be like do it and
0.04 to leave it
0.04 there people are going to do things like
0.04 this anyway you should teach them to do
0.04 it in a way that like do it so that you
0.04 know what you like for when you do get
0.04 married and so that you can communicate
0.04 that would be so much more helpful than
0.04 don&;t do at all I did it but don&;t do it
0.04 at all this one was long this one this
0.04 one hurt my chest dude
.